Thighs Wide Shut

Civic Duty
Nate Fisher (Funkin Goes) Nuts
Trailer
US Release Date – hopefully never

It’s your Civic Duty to NOT see this movie. Ever. If Sunday’s screening was amateur hour, yet watchable, what be this dud about an unemployed accountant goin all sorts of gnarls barkley crazy cause his neighbor is Middle Eastern and therefore is Middle Eviliestest, amateur hour and 40 minutes? YEEEEEeeeikes!!! I’ve seen better Canadian made for TV movies, namely the gambling one with Cuthbest that Uncle G turned me onto, Lucky Girl (also know by its American title, My Daughter’s Secret Life). Look, I love Nathaniel Samuel Fisher Jr as much as the next gay guy, but unless yer a huge fan of perma-angry Nate, best to stay away. What waste of time to shine for the luminous Kari Matchett (the Invasion lady I’d mos love to invade), who chips in decent supporting work as Nate’s wife. I knew wees were in trouble when the producer of the film introduced it by saying that the feedback of previous CD TFF screenings were ‘interesting’. I knew wees were even more trouble then the box office gross of Nothing But Trouble when my movie date fell asleep 10 minutes in. I’ll admit, the ending was killer, a cop-out, but still a killer, but nothing coulda saved this sinking ship shit. Not even Mischa Barton getting eaten out by a monkey!

Recommended for those who like: ATM envelopes, Erlenmeyer flasks, and fake movie news channels

Possible Porno Name: Cervix Duty

Unsatisfied with this? Netflix Rear Window [trailer vis Movie-list.com]

Apt MPupil3: ‘Paranoid Android’ by Radiohead [d] y ‘Paranoid’ by Black Sabbath [live d]

IMDb Sweeney: other movies with one 6FtUnderer & Invasionist, 2005’s The Longest Yard (James Cromwell & William Fichtner), Broken Flowers (Frances Conroy & Alexis Dziena), Havoc (Freddy Rodríguez & Alexis Dziena), and all though not fitting with the exact theme, Can’t Hardly Wait (Freddy Rodríguez & Lauren Ambrose… who knew?)

Thighspotting: Furio, of 2 Fast 2 Furio fame, was in attendance

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Slit Your Eyes Out ReDONKEYpoopulous

The Sentinel
24 More Like 4
Trailer

There is only one audience for this movie: Jack Bauer fans. If you don’t know who JB is, u muss either be living in a vagina, donts read Tuesdays with PinkIsTheOldBlog, or juss plain hate people who serve maggots. Well, if you is one of those people, skip the rest of this blabble and beat-off to any of the Jennifer Ellison pics found on this .org. Now for you remaining Bauer power hourers, here’s the scoop deville: 24 is > than The Sentinel in all respects. 24 has more action, more helicopters, more Chloe, and more 80s movie stars than VH1’s primetime line-up. So what’s The Sentinel got goin for it if it can’t even improve on 24, let alone let Kiefer say ‘NOOOOOOOOOOOOWWW!’ at least 47.6times?? Not much, considering it’s a purty basic and straightforward thriller that’s one part In the Line of Fire, one part The Fugitive, and one part any adulterous Michael Douglas movie, with Eva Longwhoria and Kim Bassinger as the cherry and whipped cream on top. Hmmm, doesn’t sound so appealing, eh? Well, what if I told you that the president is played by none other than David Rasche, AKA SLEDGE HAMMER of TV’s Sledge Hammer!!?~?#!!?@! I know! Frogger amazin, innit (with all due respek to the single greatest Hollywood pres of balls thyme, Greg Itzin)? Actually, there’s little fault to find in this pur popcorn pleaser. It’s not the greatist thang, but it’s very far from bad. I juss don’t understand why they didn’t throw it in theaters right after 24‘s season ends, when the Bauerheads would be at their most parchednessness.

Recommended for those who like: Oleg Cassini‘s First Lady dresses, actors named Raynor Scheine, and Willard’s mom

Possible Porno Name: Sent A Ton of Jazz Down Yer Hole

Unsatisfied with this? Netflix Three Days of the Condor

Apt MPupil3: ‘Sledgehammer’ by Peter Gabriel, DUHVs [d]

What Goes Around Comes Around: Richard Burgi, sadly best know as Susan’s ex on Desperate Housewives, was the star of the tv show The Sentinel. Foddly enuff, he was also on the first season of 24, impersonating the father of the daughter who was also kidnapped with Cuthbest, who was… Kiefer Sutherland’s TV daughter. Don’t remember? Peep this very in-depth guide to R Burgs on 24. EfWhyEye, Michael Douglas has never worked with RB… YET

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Despite it’s blazin blasénessness, I still gots to say Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Bill Paxton’s a$$
aint got nuttin on my a$$
and the fake internet a$$
I have proclaimed and claimed to have had…

Schlepisode I
The Phantom Red Menace & Her Crab Infested Pubes

Schlepisode II
Attack of the Blonde Deez Nuts Boston Tea Party Baging Her

Schlepisode III
Revenge of My Stiffy, Below My Borscht Belt

Schlepisode IV
A New Pope Consummates A Charlotte Church

Schlepisode V
The Boobless Strike Back On The Big Boob Lover

Schlepisode VI
Return of The Making James Hasty Decisions on the Red-Eye

Schlepisode VII
Hopefully Not The Beginninining of the Postquel Postilogy

but my loves
for all my lovelies
aint as lovie dovie
as my love for Lovie Smith

GNARLS!!

Dude,

To make a long story short, too late [wav], I went to the toon-less Gorillaz show on Sunday, sold my tickets to Wednesday’s show, so I could take in my Nats beating up on the Mets at Chez Ghetto Shea, in sub-zero April conditions, with the dude from Queensrÿche singing the national anthem and Jim Breüer throwing out the first pitch, so anywayz, the guy who bought my Wednesday tickets thought the tickets were for Thursday, so he shows up last night and BAMMM realizes his error. Tough luck. My heart goes out to you kid. But THEN, I’m sittin in my fat condo overlooking the Hudson, doing my laundry, washing my balls, you know, a typical Thursday night, a lightbulb goes off in my head (and I invented the flux capacitor) , and without further ado, I checked ole reliable (c’s list) for any desperate peeps trying to dump their Thursday night Gorillaz tix at the last minute. I contacted the only person who had left a cell # in their posting, cause it was proably too late to catch someone by email, and after haggling with him for all of 8 seconds, like I was Hacksaw Jim Dugan or something, I got him to sells it to me for 20 bones under its face + BS ticketbastard priced value. Turns out these seats were better than Sunday’s, the cartoons did work, Dennis Hopper did read, and once again, Ike Turner did wear something funky AND the Gorillaz did puts on one of the mos enjoyable 70 minutes anyone could have possib-bllyen ever did see. And you won’ts bee leave me, but I actually preferred the toon-less version on Sunday night. It’s the music, not the look. Someone pass that message along to the Strokes. Re-guard-lezzz, 2nd best Gorillaz show I’ve seen this week by far, and mos def bestest spontaneous moment of me’s in the 00’s. Albarn = albest, ad infinitum. Bless your soul

+ I spotted David Gilmour at the show, and possibly someone who looks like Nick Mason, or was it Richard Wright, or was it George Mason?
+ Music Snob turns his stalkin and smooching (?) towards Damon Albest… Lucky bastage

Now I feel kinda embarrassed that I dubbed tATu’s D&M album the tops o’ der year 0-5, not cause it’s tATu, cause they’re better than the Rolling Stones, but cause Demon Days deserved that honor, but not juss for last year, but of this new century, which is by far the wurstest century I’ve ever lived it. Thanks Republicans!!!

But is all the Gorillaz magic dunzo like dumbo drinkin that courvoisier?

Meanwhile, Albarn coconspirator Alex James has apparently been having a pow-wow with Betty Boo. Can you say ‘Wigwam’ by Wigwam [d, vis JJ Binks]… which juss happens to be the fourth breastest song of the week behind Ghostface + Wu-Tang’s ‘9 Milli Bros’ [d], Gnarls Bizzle ‘s ‘Gone Daddy Gone’, and of course, still at #1, WUBBA-WUBBA, ‘Crazy’, (you can find those ‘d’s two posts below, son!)

And

Cuthbest, officially Canandanada’s Patron of Sexy Hair

and

PINDERRR!!!

Blessed be you Daniel Snyder, the new King of the Jews, and your King of the Jews money that you shoot out of your hands, like Spiderman, and mcgrab anyone you want for your fantasy squad/my Redskins. May the gadget plays be with us… and TWS.org as well, which ranks 2nd in ‘gadget play’ intersleuthing

Poopied be you Twerps, who blow worser than a 36 minute Andy Warhol movie. Is it football season yet?

Bye bye Boom Boom, for without he, there would be no (non-musical) Hanson brothers, + a mucho belated parking of the life of shaftman Gordon Parks

Jon Stewart, the next Andy Rooney? Dan Rather not or so?

Quite amazed that only 30ish seconds were dedicated to characters watching movies and/or television on last night’s season premmy of The Sopranos, and cause of it, I’ve got opto-mizzum for whats to come… although going fwd, I hope we see less of Maradona‘s cocksmoking doppleganger. As for that new show that followed it… Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz fest to the mth degree!!! Sorry, but not even Jeanne Trippletits [NSFW] can save it, or even if they had this girl with three boobies [NSFW]. All-dough they do get + 1 gold stars for having Nap Dyna‘s Deb working at a place called Deb’s

Yous a male and have a bunch of brothers? Yer most likely gay, and therefore will probably have a great shot at creating an insanely popular blog

Czech accountant, Jana Tylova, becomethes the first ever Countess Soduku at the WSPC. CZECH out JT with the rest of her country’s squad…

How do u take your NSFW d’Abo? Maryam or Olivia?

Speaking of… He May Be A Demented, Twisted, Compulsively Masturbating Shitbag, But He’s Our Demented, Twisted, Compulsively Masturbating Shitbag

Top Ten Worst SNL Cast Members of All Time [MogillaMask]

If you only look at one pictorial review of The Hills Have Eyes, make it this one

Ugly Duke girls try to dispel ugly Duke girl myth [Gulf of Sonkin]

Where video games go when they die [Lief Ericsson’s Posse]

Whose Boobs (Strikes Back) Part 2

Something for the lizadies: lots of wet men, by way of Rammstein’s latest video [NSFW]

[WTFOMGZ!]

Past Champions from the World Livestock Auctioneer C’ships

Juicy Fruit ads will never be dullski with Mr Z de la Roachclip’s dang right copy

Fity more of these and we may juss achieve peace in the Middle East: a 12 foot plate of hummus [Lil Red Honey Rider’s Hood]

Fity bottles of these and I may actually get laid: Whiff, the poop odor eliminator

‘Forever Young’ – Alphaville [d-lode]

On The Menu Today: Horse Penis And Testicles With A Chilli Dip [L-ism]

‘God came down from Heaven and made people quote Fletch‘

How To Make A Duct Tape Wallet

paintmeblue’s photos

CILF (it’s like MILF, but with corn!) [BVSC]

How do you says I want to de-core your apple in Russian? [NSFW]

Hoth to host the the Winter Olympics in 2014? …so that’s what all those probe droids were really doing, scouting for giant slalom and super-g locales! [1st site soundy vis World Wide Wangsta]

And if there really is a Gawd, then HE’ll never let our mos flavorite Druish America Princess, Sasha Cohen, and her nude naked camel toe, crossbreed with any of the following (bruce) suitors

[via Baroness SC]