Thighs Wide Shut

there’s no such thang as ‘too much of a good thing’, herspecially when it comes to Bloomington, Indiana, one of our moist flavorite America Earth cities period! we were juss there this past Februrarary, and for even more zits & tiggles, we decided to go back there this past tweakend, and here’s some pictures we want to share with you, cause Sharon is Karen… whoever they is

you’d be sirprized

ranch sauce was dipped and dranken by the a$$load, but the amount of ranch farts emitted was way down on this trip. that ALMOS makes it an unsuccessful trip. ALMOS!!!

for some reason, Mickey’s beyond fine malt liquor isn’t sold in NYC

cause probably NYC isn’t a place where only white people live [DATS RACIST!!]

this is what bathrooms looked like in the 50s

and apparently still today!!!

lets be serious for a second…

sh#t is f#$ked up

OK, back to not being serious…

and on to being sauceyist for an eternity!!!

this is so confusing

balls on both ends?

we branched out on this trip & even tried a new ‘za joint

Mother Bear’s = mother BESTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

this is gotta be some sorta copyright issue

or juss plain copyWRONG!!

kill we now

or someone juss kill Ken Jeong-Ill instead

if only all athletes looked like Rollie Fingers

if only we looked like Rollie Fingers

oh cool! a game where you can win candy!!

or you could juss go to a store and buy candy for $1!!!

gotta love the Hinkle

cept it wasn’t open, so no peek or tinkle inside

so, when are we next goin’ back to Indiana like the J5?

yep, we (Thigh Master, Thighsbart, Jewanicur, BJNewms, Sonkin, Gomby & Wolffie) go back to school more often than you do. wees very proud alumnus of Indiana University, juss like Kevin Kline & Jim Jones & Marc Singer from V!! also wees very proud at how much food & fun & friends we can shove into a single weekend. this particular weekend may look a lot like others of the past, but it was different, cause no ranch fart ever smells the same as another.  they like snowflakes.  anywho…

we snuck into a frat kitchen to show you what college looks like

Keystone Light will never die!!!

but we also took the time to look at a different kind of man-made beauty!

like nicely shaped buildings on the bestest campus evs!!!

who wrote this, a mail or femail???

doesn’t sound like much of a priority anymo!

wethinks David Lynch stole his Twin Peaks hallways from the HPER‘s

and the Nazis stole the swastika from the same place!!

where’s the ranch farting lane?

get it, a lane where ranch farting is accepted?

for richer or pourer, we sunk the Biz at Nick’s!!!

our mos flavorite bar in the world, besides the Dive Bar!!!

and yet, despite of all the debauchery, there was still time for culture!!

at the Lilly Library, now our mos flavorite library besides ones where there are hot & naughty librarians

any Tom, Dick or Larry can swing on in & look at magnificent manuscripts & pertinent papers

like Orson Welles’ shiz (and Vonnegut’s & others)!!!!!

they even have early drafts of Citizen Kane when it was called The American!!!!

and you get to put yer greasy lil paws all over them!!!

and you can even JO to his birth certificate!!

and yes, his dad’s name is Dick Head Welles!!!

and yes, Orson was above average!!!!

twas such an honor to touch his honor card!!!

but a C in gym Orson????

too busy being a genius to be in shape????

they also have a lot o’ John Ford’s shiz, like ironically enuff, his Oscar for How Green Way My Valley

which wrongly bested Citizen Kane at the 1941 Academy Awards!!! bastardos!!!!

ok kids, the writing was on the walls

do not try any of the following at home, and juss be happy you can’t smell the ranch farts at home!!

yours drooly, the mumble narrator and overlord of ranch farts!!!

we know you like to watch!!!

this is proof that there is a God

but ranch farts prove that there isn’t a God

but Pizza Express‘ Dixie Chicken (BBQ grilled chicken, red onion, Wisconsin cheddar) is also proof that there is one!!

this za may be basic Midwestern stuffs, but it’s better than a lot of NY za!! 15reals!!!!!

and there aint nuttin wetter than these there wet cokes!!

besides our vaginas after seeing bountiful feast after feast!!

extra! extra!  fart all about it!!!

man, shiz really adds up super qwikly!!!

even branched out and had a lil Greek food!

the Cheesepa’rer & other goodies gave us tzatziki farts!!!

at Hinkle’s Hamburgers’ grease is STILL the word, booty!!

place is so dang good, they don’t even need a website!

had to make a stop de pit at the VP

and munch on an adequate chicken salad sangwich

so blazed and confused that me eyes are going in nine different directions/erections!!!!

this is the only thing we didn’t eat this weekend

and thanks to Imodium AD, we didn’t have to poop much!!

shocking, we know

photo assist from OviWani

you know the deal, another year, another Bloomington, Indiana trip where the water flows like ranch sauce and the ranch sauce leads to only one thing: INVASION! RANCH FARTS! luckily, for everyone’s sake, we took Imodium AD and Before Christ

oh dearest ranch sauce, which looks like glue and taste like gawd

where would my life & torn anus be w/o yer midwestern bestness?

this picture purty much surmises what college is all about

lettuce all say it together, ‘Yes we cans!’

there’s nuttin more beautiful than a crisp B-town
October day with the fall foliage in fall effect, yo!

…well, perhaps being the meat in between
an Eva Amurri breast sangwich

nice profile pic Bob!

Bob, the future called & they want their horrid pair of specs back

there’s a first time for everything

like having new taste and fart sensations caused by the
beyond yumazingness of Hinkle’s hamburgers

the writing was on the wall

and tits true, cause KJ is such a tease dick

didn’t take any shrooms

but wanted you to see what B’ton would look like on em!

do not be fooled by the diversity in this picture

as that is the only Asian & pair o’ black girls
currently in the state of Indiana

this new slide that they installed on
the side of the library was purty wicked

but afterwardz, it kinda left us down in the dumps

OK, prepare to have a seizure or vomit on your keyboard

you were warned. sort of

next up on the travel docket? HOTlanta
we’ll be sure to pack sum Mylanta

we’ve told you ad nauseous-a about the tastes and smells of B-town, so instead of walking down That Rd again we finger we’d show you a bit o sign of the thymes…