Tag Archives: Jasper Pääkkönen

The 2018 Thighsmans

we named the breastest movies of the beastest of the 2018

and now, for the only awards that matter…

Fifteenie Anal Thighs Wide Movie Awards

aka

THE THIGHSMANS!!!

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Thing In A Movie That Was Lame-r Than Your Mom

that there’s a bad guy named after overpriced water

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Thing In A Movie From Another Movie That MOV(i)ED Me

I wasn’t ready and overlooked how amazing the Overlook Hotel shined in Ready Player One

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The 9th Annual Greta Grrr Wig Recipient of Please Go Away You Annoy The Living Poop Out of Me Over-Acting Actor Award

Lin-Manual-Miranda’s blimey as I live and breathe attitude as a character that doesn’t matter whatsoever in Mary Poppinz

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The Samuel L Jackson
Never Met A Script
He Didn’t Like
Man of The Year

 

Eric Roberts

who had SIXTEEN ‘films’ released in 2018!!

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Gifs of the Gawds

they call him MISTER Rogers

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The KFC Finger Stickin’ Goodness Goodie Three Shoes Award

aka – this lady be DAMN fine award!!

+

Eyes Wide Open For Bidness 9ever

aka Bestest Eyes

Kiera Bell

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Hairing Is Caring 

Brian May & The Men of The Favourite
have the same hair!

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KFC Sucks, Except For This One Time

stereotypes are stereo-typical
BUT WORK FINGER LICKING GOOD in

Green Book

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Möst Bestest Racist Performänce By An Actor With An Ümulat In His Näme

Jasper Pääkkönen in BlacKkKlansman

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THAT Kid Who May One Day Become a ‘THAT Guy’ Kinda Guy

Jake Ryan from Eighth Grade

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Art Imitating Itself

Mike Myers Hating ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’ in the movie of the same name is genius

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Songs That Execute Better Than Norman Mailer Mailing It In With Mailman Karl Malone

‘Sail Away’ in Eighth Grade

all the Luxing & Grinding in Vox Lux

‘Shallow’

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Trailers Worth Tractoring

(in endless memory of Robert ‘Tractor’ Traylor)

 traylor-tractor-gif

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Poster Her! Poster We! Poster Haste!

 

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Unintentional Porn To Be Wild Titles

The Rider / Climax / On The Basis of Sex / 7 Days in Entebbe / Juliet, Naked / Her Smell / The Night Comes for Us / Chappaquiddick / Golden Exits

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Fenella Woolgar
Bestest Names Award

Honor Kneafsey

&

the aforementioned

Jasper Pääkkönen

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Don’t You Forget About Me/These Forgetmenot Bon Mots

didn’t realize all those cheesy Burt Reynolds car movies were actually awesome

+

Wes Anderson and Jacques Henri Lartigue

So Tell Me Again, Why Did You Have To Die? Part VII

 

Sports Meet Movies Collection

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Movies To Look For In The ‘019

 

Duo: A Star Wars Story

A Loud Place

HellFraiser

Second Man

Stan & Deliver 

18 Fast, 18 Furious

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In Memoriam

 

too many great names to name, so we’ll just leave it like this

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don’t forget to peep out our ’17,  ’16,  ’15, ’14, ’13, ’12, ’11, ’10, ’09, ’08, ’07, ’06, ’05, ’04, ’03, and ’02 awards!! 

until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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Klan Do Attitude

BlacKkKlansman
Spike-d Punch
Official Site | Trailers & Mo

R | 135 min

A black cop and Jewish cop go undercover as a single white minority-hating male to infiltrate a Colorado chapter of the Klu Klux Klan – and even trick former Grand Wizard and still current a$$hole David Duke into thinking they’re believers.  What a story!  And a true one, as told in entertaining fashion as BlacKkKlansman by the once relevant, then once kinda irrelevant, and now with this movie very relevant Spike Lee!

Ron Stallworth was a real black cop, who really duped the Klan, but a lot of what the movie presents is fiction to pulp up the storytelling.  The activist girlfriend and explosive racial throwdown towards the end?  Made up.  The Jewish guy who played the physical manifestation (who appeared to do most of the actual leg work) of the mouthpiece that Stallworth first presented to the Klan on the phone?  He may not even been Jewish in reality, but I see where Spike is going here with all the embellishment – doubling down on the ‘all power to all people’ to brush back against those seeking only bigotry thry white power – yesterday, today and forever.  But did he have to hammer the message so hard?

We spend about 2 hours enjoying the lighthearted and fun (that’s how it truly felt) tale of Stallworth (John David Washington, who doesn’t really give the character any depth beyond the giant prop afro) and his Jewish partner (Adam Driver, who is not Jewish) + Steve Buscemi’s brother Michael getting cozy with a bunch of actors who are allowed free reign to say a lot of nasty nasty NASTY things about blacks and Jews onscreen (Jasper Pääkkönen – whose performance stands above everyone else’s, and whose umlauts know no bounds + Paul Walter Hauser, who after this and I, Tonya, should just be cast in every movie).  They thwarted and embarrassed the Klan, and everyone in the police department (and the audience) had a good laugh about it in the end!

And then?  Spike Lee was probably upset that no one saw Bamboozled and didn’t get the message of how awful our country is on race, and so he had to tack on baiting footage at the end of white nationalists (with David Duke included) wrecking horrible havoc last year in Charlottesville.  Yes, it’s relevant to the movie that proceeded it, but its tone, its message and delivery all feel sloppy and completely unnecessary.  Come to think of it, the beginning of the film, with a clip of Gone With The Wind, followed by some racist nonsense spewed by Alec Baldwin (as a made up character with the very made up name of ‘Kennebrew Beauregard’) is out of place too.  These bookends may seek to bring focus to the bigger picture, both onscreen and off it, but it ends up muddling the movie, and the message

When the end credits started to roll, a gentlemen in the audience yelled – ‘fcuk America!’  And then when I went to the bathroom, a gentleman who obviously saw the same movie was mouthing to himself – ‘fcuking crackers!’, and I knew he wasn’t talking about Saltines

Yes, it’s OK to be upset and enraged, and we all should be, because the KKK suck and no one should spending so much of their time and energy hating other people, but I feel Spike did more harm than good by being so blatant and provocative.  The same message would have come across if the movie stuck to the fun and lighthearted delivery.  It will all only be worth it if the outrage is matched by something more important – getting people to vote to make actual change

Verdictgo: as entertainment - Jeepers Worth A Peepers | as a political statment – Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges

Klansmane burns crosses and bridges theater near jews and white nationalists 

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

who wore it best?

Topher Grace as David Duke?

or

Garrick Hagon as Biggs Darklighter

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