you know the drill - The Washington Post does it, we does its three, better or worser or perhaps even worse.  anywho, 2014 is so gonna be our year

 

OUT	IN
Selfies –	Shelfies –
Room 237 –	Room 238 –
Harlem Shake –	Bronx Malt –
Despising Ben Affleck –	Despising Ben Affleck –
1/8th Visible Boobs   –	3/8th Visible Boobs in an invisible plane –
Cronuts –	Bronuts –
Pleaves –	Plaves –
Kate Upton’s body –	Fred Upton’s body of work –
David Keith –	Keith David –
The Desolation of Smaug –	The Domination of Zog –
Yeezus –	Knowses –
Mayor Bloomberg –	Mayor McCheese –
Edward Snowden –	Snowed Inn Bed & Breakfast –
  Sarah Palin –	  Sara Palan –
Blockbuster Video –	Cartrivision –
Ray Donovan –	Donovan Ray –
Bacon –	BaccOff –
Gatsby –	Zaxby’s –
The Walrus Was This Andy Reid Baby –	The Walrus Was Karl Malden –
#ThrowbackThursday –	#ThrowupThursday –
Top Chef –	Topless Chef –
racist Redskins –	Simply Red’s bassist –
Carlos Danger –	Sir Reginald Safety III –
Orange Is The New Black –	Orangeface is the new Blackface –
JFGay –	RFGay [NSFW] –
Doritos Locos –	Utz Slutz –
Tony Romo, Choke Artist –	 Tony Santavicca, Sandwich Artist! –

and here’s what was In Oder Aus in the ’006, the ’007, the ’008, the ’009, the ‘010, the ‘011, the ‘012 & the ‘013

the NFLz is back.  NF-eeeellllllls YEAHHHH!!  

here’s a pee view of what’s to come, in yo pants…

NFC

NFC East

RGIII turned the Skins (10-6) from NFC Least into NFC Beasts, and will continue to do so this year (unlesssss he goes back to being RGKnee), against the coughing Coughlin Giants (8-8) and un-wow Cowboys (8-8), who hired a new offensive coordinator, which will make zero difference and juss put Jerry Jones on the defensive, when they fail to do anything, again. The Eagles (6-10) won’t be a tragedy nor a comedy, but maybe a tragi-comedy.  Depends on if Chip Kelly lets the dogs out and Vick gets dogged by the dogs in the dog days of summer wearing Big Dog t-shirts

NFC North

Aaron Rodgers was lied to by his boy and restaurant co-owner Ryan Braun, meaning he’ll never be able to trust half-Jewish people ever again.  His new found half-anti-semitisim will propel his Packers (9-7) over the Jason-Hanson-less Lions (8-8) and cold-Cutler Bears (7-9) and whomever is leading the Vikes Vikes (7-9)

NFC South

Bountygate is a thing of the past, and so be the Saints (11-5) sucking.  THEY BACKKKKKKKK and Payton and Brees will play no defense and score enuff offense to make us believe that it’s 2009 all over again.  The Falcons (8-8) blow, but will slip into the playoffs so they can blow it in the 1st round, cause thats what they do, even if thats’s not what they did last year, but Matt Ryan will never win anything.  The Bucs (8-8) will be one win less dreadful than last year and the Panthers (4-12) will be the worst team in the NFL, but mainly cause they STILL have the most ugly color combo in the world

NFC West

The Seahawks (11-5) are unbeatable at home, and will prove to be juss as tuff on the road like Charles Kuralt, and prove to be slightly tuffer than last year’s darling the 49ers (10-6).  Once again leaving the Rams (7-9) and the Cards (7-9) to be two teams that the people of St Louis no longer give a sh$t about.  But hey, at least St Louis’ gotz this!

Seeds

#1 Seatalks

#2 Aints

#3 Redskins

#4 Greenskins (that’s what my niece used to call the Packers)

#5 49ersers

#6 Falcants

NFC Championship - Seattle proves their wools-worths, but the Saints are back and bounty quicker picking uppering their way back to the Super Bowl!!!

–

AFC

AFC East

It’s still New England‘s (9-7) playground to be the bully of, but Buffalo (7-9) and Miami (7-9) are closing the gap between complete awfulness and less awfulness.  But those Jets (5-11), oh those Jets, they still trying to wipe up after buttfumblegate, and that leaky butt aint closing anytime soon.  RUNNY POOP!

AFC North

The Ravens (9-7) may not be the same dudes who won the Super Bowl last year, but they have less annoying murderers on their team, and Torrey Smith will still catch five 80+ yard TDs and they will slightly edge out the Steelers (9-7) and the less poopy Browns (8-8) and the hard-knock lifed Bengals (7-9).  But for the love of gob, can the Browns just make it to one Super Bowl, PLEASSSSSSSSSSE.  And how bout winning one too???  America needs that, and I could too

AFC South

Hate this division, cause they all feel like expansion teams that no one should care about, but alas, we have to care cause they in the NFL, but we mainly hate em cause we always predict the Texans (11-5) to do good things and they never come thru, and I guess we’re doing it again, but adding the Colts (10-6) into the mix, with the Titans (6-10) remaining unremberable and the Jags (5-11), jagging off.  Wait, why do all of the teams in this division have some sort of blue in their color combos?  They should put the Panthers into this division and then throw this division away in the color garbage

AFC West

Peyton’s Place is with the Broncos (10-6), and he’s gotz the weapons (white WRs – SHOCKING!) AND rap songs, and JUSS enuff stuff to hold off the new look Chiefs (9-7), and the not so close and no cigar Chargers (8-8) and not so much of anything Raiders (7-9).  But the only thing that truly matters is if they’ll get new Kansas City coach Andy Reid to don a headdress, like they somehow got him to slip his fat body into a Philly patriot outfit.  Dare to dream

Seeds

#1 Tejasans

#2 John Denver

#3 Pats vs Genos

#4 cRavens

#5 Dolts

#6 KC mastepieces

AFC Championship - Peyton’s Broncos end up up-ending his former team, the Colts (OH THE IRONY!), to make it back to a Super Bowl where…

Payton crushes Peyton’s hopes, AGAIN (oh the irony?).  History CAN repeats itselves – the Giants beat the Pats two times in Super Bowls and bored us to death, so why not this?

Saints 31, Broncos 27

Drew Brees is yer Super Bowl MVP, and Manatee Tai-Yo gets dumbest dipshit idiot ever

enjoy the season, and go Bills!  Jills!

perv-iously…

Bert BlySeven Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View

Nikki Sixxxxx Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View

We Plead The Fifth On Our Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View: NFC Edish
We Plead The Fifth On Our Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View: AFC Edish

Queer As Fourth Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View: NFC Edish
Queer As Fourth Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View: AFC Edish

Third Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View: NFC Edish
Third Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View: AFC Edish

Sec-unt Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View: NFC Edish
Sec-unt Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View: AFC Edish

First Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View: NFC Edish
First Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View: AFC Edish

for the record, this is one of the greatest magazine covers of all time, cause it’s Andy Reid, and he’s fat and he’s in a ye olde patriot outfit, and that’s pretty much that

December 2004