The 2012 Thighsmans
22. Feb, 2013 
4 Comments
picked the breastest movies of the beastest of the 2012
and now, for the only awards that matter…
9thishendith Anal Thighs Wide Movie Awards
aka
THE THIGHSMANS!!!
_
The Death To Smoochy Würstest Picture AND The Gus van Sant Most Pretentious Holy French Gar-bagé Film of the Year!!!!!
Holy Motors Shit
dishonrable mentions for also sucking a$$…
Hunger Lames & Hitchsucks
_
Favoriteisteest Performance
of The Year
Barr None
Tara Lynne Barr
in the not so great God Bless America
_
The 3rd Annual
Greta Grrr Wig
Recipient of The OK
This Joke/Career
Muss Be Stopped Now Award
Chris O’Dowd
we get it, you’re Irish, bearded, and loud, now go away
_
Always Bet On These Lil Shirley Temple Black (& White) Children
Quvenzhané Wallis / The Impossible trio –  Tom Holland, Oaklee Pendergast & Samuel Joslin / David Rauchenberger /  Max Charles / Ella Purnell / Gulliver McGrath / Shannon Beer / Thomas Doret / Brady Hender and Nick Nervies (above) /  Judd Apatow’s kids
_
The Samuel L Jackson Never Met A Script He Didn’t Like Guy of The Year
 
Bryan Cranston
who had 7 flix released in 2012!!
_
Comeback of The Year
The 1972 Warner Bros logo as seen in Argo and Magic Mike
_
Facial Hair That Cares
tie Â
Rory Cochrane in Argo
& James Spader in LincolnÂ
bonus shout-out to
Marcel Herrand in 1945’s Les Enfants du Paradis
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Würstest Hitchcock
Impersonation/Make-Up Job
That Was More Like
A TV’s Batman Penguin
Impersonation/Embarrassment
Anthony Hopkins ‘as’ Hitchcock in Hitchsucks
_
Würstest Baseball Play-By-Play Call
By A Former Member of ‘N Sync
Justin Timberlake
in Trouble With The Play-By-Play
_
Bob’s Big Girls – The Bobbies!
Bae Donna as Sonmi-451 in Cloud AtlasÂ
+7 other winners!
_
Â
The KFC Finger Stickin’ Goodness Goodie Three Shoes Award
Anne Hathaway as Catwoman = WOWWWWWW
Ali Cobrin showing off her American boobs in American Reunion [NSFW]
that kid from Project X was in nerd porn [NSFW]
Marion Cotillard is rusty, but she bones without 2 legs [NSFW]
the hunt for naked Helen Hunt never ends!!! [NSFW]
+
Apron We Wish Was
More Like AprOFF!!
Dreama Walker in an apron!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! with nothing else in Compliance
_
Eyes Wide Open For Bidness 9ever
aka Bestest Eyes
Amanda Seyfried in Lez Snooze
_
Heathcote Most Worth Bellaing
aka Bestest Eyes That Aren’t Amanda Seyfried’s
Bella Heathcote
in Dark Shadows and Not Fade Away
_
The LAC Daddy Mommy
aka Bestest Eyes That Aren’t Amanda Seyfried’s
or Bella Heathcote’sÂ
Lauren Ashley Carter in Premium Rush
_
Face Timeless
Tim McMullan’s face in The Woman In Black
 _
Miscecallous Things That Either Stepped Up or Stepped Down More Than Peter Gallagher’s Eyebrows Did In Step-Up 99999-DÂ
those Robot & Frank VGC-60L posters
remembering the forgotten McDonalds scenes
in the original Red Dawn
Bradley Cooper as a student asked Robert DeNiro a question on Inside The Actor’s Studio
The Ancient Booer is still alive!!!!!
trying to figure out what ‘Wuthering’ means
Bob Marley’s dad was a white dude
that poor kid with the fish lips
I keep forgetting that Crispin Glover didn’t play George McFly in Back to the Future II and III
and wait, Michael Keaton was originally in Purple Rose of Cairo??
farting and hand jobs do not need to be seen
in 70mm or even 1mm
an athletic center grows in a former movie palace in Brooklyn
goodbye Lucas, hello better new Star Wars
the American dumphole palace to end all dumphole palaces can be yours!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DB Sweeney retweeted our DB Sweeney tweet!!!!!
when is WB gonna let DB Sweeney @actordbsweeney make a DB Cooper biopic, sponsored by WB Mason, and soundtrack by BBD? — thigh masteÑ (@thighmaster) February 5, 2013
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Songs That Execute Butter Than Norman Mailer’s Bong Hobbit Pipe
‘Ici Londres’ and ‘Qui Aimes-tu?‘ by Chiara Mastroianni & Paul Schneider in Beloved (Les Bien Aimés)
‘Skyfall‘ by Adele
Les Surfs – ‘Tú serás mi baby (Be My baby)’ from Tabu
anything sung by Katpoop Everdeen
the theme from Django and Django Unchained
Katy Perry’s ‘Firework’ in Rust & Bone
Beasts of the Southern Wild soundtrack
The Cloud Atlas sextet
and my fav of the year…
‘Let My Baby Ride‘ in Holy Motors
and the würst
‘Señor Don Gato’ by Hani Furstenberg in The Loneliest Planet
(be thankful I can’t find a clip of it)
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Trailers Worth Tractoring
(in memory of Robert ‘Tractor’ Traylor we are going back to naming our trailer award after him!)
 
Skyfall / Cloud Atlas / Argo / Prometheus + teaser  / The Master / Zero Dark Thirty / The Impossible / Moonrise Kingdom / Django Unchained
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Poster Her! Poster We! Poster Haste!
Â
+
& the würst
& the würrstetst
& twinsies würsteresteserteestsers!!!
_
Unintentional Porn To Be Wild Titles
The Devil Inside /Â Joyful Noise /Â Coriolanus /Â The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel /Â Rust and Bone /The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure /Â Frankenweenie /Â Here Comes the Boom /Â Fun Size /Â The Man with the Iron Fists /Â Jack Reacher
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Fenella Woolgar Bestest Names Award
(not limited to actors)
Wilfred Pickles / Pumpsie Green / Gonnie Baars / Bibhutibhushan Bandyopadhyay / Scoot McPoop / Billy Butts / Barend Barendse / Hella Kürty / Sky Low Low / Chill Wills / Cutter Dykstra / Poodles Hanneford / Tuffy Genders / Mimis Fotopoulos / Kittens Reichert / Toon Kortooms / Sal PacinoÂ
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Movies To Look For In The ‘013
Mexican remake of DC CabÂ
Jiro Dreams of Dreama Walker
Project XI
Abraham Lincoln: Holly Hunter
12 Fast, 12 Furious
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In Memoriam
Vampire Baseball
+
Tony Scott & BorgNINEever & Ralph McQuarrie & Enduring Durning & Andy G & Dick D-AWESOME & Ben Gazzarra
+Â
Scary German Guy
don’t forget to peep out our ’11, ’10, ’09, ’08, ’07, ’06, ’05, ’04, ’03, and ’02 awards!!Â
movies are amazing, and so are youÂ
until next thyme the balcony is clothed…
