we already showed you the hottie hotness in movies 2010, and then picked the breastest movies of the beastest of 2010 (with the late addition of Dogtooth!!), and now it’s time for everything else movies 2010!!! welcome to the…

7thishendith Anal
Thighs Wide
Movie Awards

now called

THE THIGHSMANS!!!

The Death to Smoochy
Worstest Pictures
of the Year

Trash Humpers

Valentine’s Day

Enter The Void*

Get Him To The Greek

& Clash of The Titans in ‘3-D’

*also happens to be one of the year’s bestest too!

_

The Gus van Sant
Most Pretentious
Most Overhyped
Most Boring Movie of The Year
That Has Only One Line of Dialog
Repeated 9272767 Times
‘You Seen My Daddy?‘

Winter’s Boring

runner down: True Grit

_

The Bare Un-Necessities/
Coulda Been A Contender

Red

Cop Out

Machete

Shutter Island

The Expendables

Scott Pilgrim vs The World

the reunion of Brian Cox and Paul Dano

_

Trailers Worth Tractoring

Catfish, The Social Network, Enter The Void, TRON Legacy

Somewhere, Let Me In, I’m Still Here, Black Swan,

Scott Pilgrim vs. The World & Inception

and the wurst: Exit Through The Gift Shop

_

Poster Her!
Poster We!
Poster Haste!

& the wurstest ones

+ 18 minus boo-nus pts for the Takers one!!!

_

Credits That Deserve Mad Credits

Enter The Void

_

The 1st Annual
Greta Grrr Wig
Recipient of
The OK, This Joke/Career
Muss Be Stopped
Now Award

Greta Gerwig

_

The Samuel L Jackson
Never Met A Script
He Didn’t Like
Guy of The Year

Liam Neeson with 7 movies released in 2o10!!

_

Thighopening Call To Action!

thanks to Art of The Steal for forcing us to visit the Barnes Foundation at its real home in Merion, PA before it moves and that experience will never exist again and we’ll be even more super mad pissed than we are now!!

next up is getting laid in
the Blue Valentine future space sex room

_

Bestest Wurstest Lines of The Year

&

_

The KFC
Finger Stickin’ Goodness
Goodie Three Shoes Award

Portman & her fingers in Black Swan

+ these other hotnessies

Shannon Twins’ pole dancing in Somewhere

Anne Hathway’s endless nudity in Sex & Other Drugs [NSFW]

Rachel McAdams’s morning glorious legs & tush

& Mary Elizabeth Winstead’s many colored wigs in Scott Pilg

_

Movie Things That Aren’t Movies
That Moved Us For The 1st Time

Mr Plinkett’s Star Wars Prequels Ass-Riping
But Well Thought Out Reviews!!
+ his love of pizza rolls
which he wants to mail to us!!

lime juice on theater popcorn!!!
(had at the Film Forum)

visiting the cinema treasure that is The Loews Jersey
(what took we so long??????)

& Ebert’s twitterings

_

Bestest Flix We Netted Or Saw In A Theater
Cause Seeing Old Movies In A Theater
Is Better Than Seeing New Movies
In A Theater!!!

_

Always Bet On These Lil
Shirley Temple Black
(& White) Children

Dylan Riley Snyder

Izzy Meikle-Small

Kelly O’Neill

Emma Hinz

Eros Vlahos

Faith Wladyka

& the babies of Babies

_

Face Timeless

Zhao Benshan in Woman, A Gun and A Noodle Shop

_

Saddest Sadness
& The Infinite Sadness

we knew The White Stripes’ days were numbered
as soon as we saw this

_

Songs That Execute Butter
Than Norman Mailer’s Bong

Daft Punk’s TRON Legacy score

Beck’s ‘Ramona’ from Scott Pilgs

The Langley Schools Music Project’s
‘Good Vibrations’ from Catfish

Scala & Kolacny Brothers’ cover
of ‘Creep’ from TSN teaser

any Phil Spector produced song in The Agony & Ecstasy

Trent Reznor & Atticus Ross ‘In Motion’
from The Social Network

Clint Mansell’s ‘Perfection’ from Black Swan

Mike Zorin’s score to the Inception teaser trailer

anything on the Blue Valentine sdtrk

Nick Urata’s ‘Faking Death’ from Phil Morris [empee3]

Devendra Banhart & Beck’ ‘Life During Wartime’

& LFO’s ‘Freak’ from Enter The Void

_

Unintentional Porn
To Be Wild Titles

44 Inch Chest

The Black Waters of Echo’s Pond

Faster

For Colored Girls

Furry Vengeance

Get Low

Harry Brown

How to Train Your Dragon

The Killer Inside Me

Make-Out with Violence

Rabbit Hole

The Spy Next Door

Trash Humpers

Touching Home

Unstoppable

You Will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger

_

Fenella Woolgar
Bestest Names Award

Hendrik von Bültzingslöwen

Wotan Wilke Möhring

Ophelia Lovibond

Sterling Cooper

BooBoo Stewart

Bingo O’Malley

Pleasant Wayne

Dossy Peabody

& Eros Vlahos

_

Miscecallous Things That Either Stepped Up or Stepped Down More Than Step-Up 3D

a VHS tape, duct tape, a hand and
a whole lotta anger in Dogtooth

the way Leo DiCap says ‘Maaaaaaaaaaaaarssshal’
in Stutter Island

the glowing cockscapades at the sex hotel
@ the end of Enter The Void

the mousterpiece dioramas in Din for Schmucks
by the The Chiodo Brothers

finally figuring out what the dealio was with 
Pruitt Taylor Vince‘s eyes was was:
pathologic nystagmus

also, finally looking into what Fletch’s ‘Pup’ n’ Taco was!

Abraham Aronofsky’s resume

photo of the real Get Low guy attending his own funeral
which is 81889283838 times more interesting
than the actual movie

this college recruiting video starring a pre-Doors Morrison

The Fighter sisters > any other sisters

James Frain being a 7th rate Jean-Baptiste Emanuel Zorg???

where they filmed Harry Brown

the only good kind of Plague

when Joan Rivers met Gwar

our collection of the moist flamous kisses EVER

& notmileycyrus.com

_

Movies To Look
For In The ‘011

127 Ray Browers

Goy Story 3:16

Liam Neeson Ices Eastern Europeans

X-Men XII: Boyz II X-Men

Ranch Farts: A Nose Opening Documentary

Stephen King’s The Queen

Madoff Never Sleeps

10 Fast, 10 Furious
_

don’t forget to peep out our
’09, ’08, ’07, ’06, ’05, ’04, ’03, and ’02 awards!!

until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

the year was 2010.  movies were shown.  a lot em had to do with women in trouble, some blurred the lines between fiction and fact, a bunch were needlessly retrofitted to 3-D, and in the end, they were all juss a bunch of movieses.  18 of these flicks were bester than the others, and in our mumble opinion, we giveth you…

The Barely Legal Eighteensies

1) Black Swan

Natalie Portman masturbates!!!  that single sentence is enuff bestness for being bestest of the year bestnness worthy, but how about the meticulous Darren Aronofsky accomplishing the impossible task (more so than making a movie about the making of a website interesting) by making a movie about the ballet udderly mindblowing???? we haven’t been this psychologically broken since Jacob’s Ladder!  she WAS perfect! so was Vincent Cassel

2) Fish Tank

Coming of age in plastic America is for wussies, but coming of age in chavish England is sum real tough shit.  juss ask Fish Tank‘s heroine Mia Williams.  Hactually don’t ask her, and simply watch and marvel at Katie Jarvis’ embodiment of her heart & soul, and in the process hand in the finest performance of any actor we saw this year, in one of the most vastly under-seen dynamite films of the year!!!

3) Enter The Void

Once you enter, you will never exit, and if you are able to somehow exit, we’re sure the gift shop would be filled with nothing but hallucinogenic neon cum drops.  Still want to enter?  Who knew that Gaspar Noé could out Gaspar Noé Gaspar Noé!?!?!?!  This one will be talked about for ages, even if we never want to see it again, EVER.  had we hactually enjoyed it, it probably woulda been our true pick for #1.  9reals

3.5) Dogtooth

Saw this one a lil too late, but it’s never too late to add the 3.5th bestestest movie of 2010 to the breast of list, cause dude, DOGTOOOOOOOOOOOOOTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

4) Blue Valentine

You Always Hurt The One You Love

5) Carlos

319 minutes never felt so well used.  Carlos is the little brother of Zodiac & Munich, and those are 2 of the finest films of the past decade!! now can someone make a killer Patty Heart flick?

6) I’m Still Here

We saw it before the jig was up, and even with the knowledge that it was all hoax, we still want to believe in the self-loathing and destruction of Joaquin Phoenix.  This is Spinal FAT!

7) The Social Network

It was great and all, but it’s still no Zodiac

8) Waking Sleeping Beauty

The House of Mouse stewed in a black cauldron for quite awhile, until the beast was magically turned back into a beauty once again.  If you’ve ever seen and loved a single Disney cartoon, you owe it to yourself to watch this amazingly honest tell-all

9) The Red Riding Trilogy

To the North, where they did whatever the bloody hell they wanted to do!!!  Part 1, In the Year of Our Lord 1974, was the cream of the trilogy crop, but all 3 puzzle pieces are required for optimal picture quality

10) Best Worst Movie

A title that’s more apt than Apt Pupil, even if you’ve never even heard of Troll 2 before.  No worries, as they catch you up on the forgettable then and the unbelievable now, and it’s all for a wonderful eternity.  George Hardy, best wurst dentist/actor EVER!!!!!!

11) Exit Through The Gift Shop

What is art?  What is a documentary?  What is Banksy‘s next cinematic move? And WHEN can we see it???

12) The Eclipse

Two things you are unaware of: Ciarán Hinds is the greatestestest living actor AND The Eclipse is 28393902 bajillion times better than anything having to do with vampires, werewolves and the pointless girl they all want to bang

13) Another Year

‘a film by Mike Leigh’ is all you need to know

14) The King’s Speech

We still want to give this movie a giant hug

15) Let Me In

The rare ‘American remake is better than the foreign original’ type dealio!!!!!

16) The Agony & The Ecstasy of Phil Spector

Courtroom drama is flawlessly juxtaposed with some of the mos eternal music ever recorded, and we all finally learn what the deal with this is/was!!!!! #BenWallace

17) Life During Wartime

It’s a sequel of Happiness, with all new actors AND vibrant colors!! how did this work??  dunno, but it did!!!

18) Step-Up 3-D

Even more so than Jackass, this is why 3-D was re-invented. BFAB 4 Life!!! 10reals!!!!!

and now for the…

Honor Blackmanable Mentions

127 Hours (look ma, no arm!), Animal Kingdom (bloomin onions!), Cyrus (John C Reilly & Jonah Hill were made for each other), The Ghost Writer (free Roman Polanski!!), The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo (Män Som Hatar Kvinnor) (guess what, she has a dragon tattoo!!!), Harry Potter 7.1 (best since #3!!!), Heartbreaker (the inevitable American remake will suck), Jackass 3-D (duh), Joan Rivers: A Piece of Work (what she said), The Tillman Story (operation freedom of information), Somewhere (it’s Lost In Translation, but hactually really darn good!), Toy Story 3 (duh pt 2), TRON 2 (bestest Daft Punk video everrrrrrr), Vincere (2 facist, 2 furious), When You’re Strange (faces come out of the rain!!)

stay pooned for our final Movies 2010 installment, when we drop a bunch of awards on people like it’s a hot lunch!

perv-iously on Thighs Wide Movies

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