Thighs Wide Shut

you know the drill - The Washington Post does it, we does it too, better or worse or perhaps even worser.  anywho, to 2012, and beyondce…

OUT	IN
Kardashians	Calrissians
Tebowing	Bilbo Baggins’d
What About Bobbed?	What About Watermelon?
Adele	Bdele
Anthony Weiner	John Cocktosten
North Korea	West Korea
Amanda Knox	Amanda Knox’ Knockers
SMiLE	FRoWN
David Keith	Keith David
The Arab Spring	An Arab Remake of Sprung
Nostalgia	Yestalgia
basketball on aircraft carriers	jai alai on hovercrafts
being compared to Hitler	being compared to Houghton Mifflin
Dragon Tattoos	Pete’s Dragon Tattoos
Godfather’s Pizza	Dogfather Hot Dogs
Quickster	Slowster
Steve Jobs	Steve Unemployeds
Words With Friends	Winwood & Friends
Silent Films	Ceylon Films
Louis CK	BK Dymacels
Skinny Jonah Hill	Jonah Hill’s Skin Flute
Sleep No More	Awake Yes Less
Casey Anthony	Casey Siemaszko
Occupy Wall Street	Rockupy Hollywood & Vine
Bridesmaids	Chi McBride‘s Maids
Osama bin Laden	Coleslama bin Laden
Winning	Whinnying
Kepler-22b Jokes	Uranus Jokes
Penn State Inappropriate Touching	Penn State Penitentiary Inappropriate Touching

and here’s what was In Oder Aus in the ’006, the ’007, the ’008, the ’009, the ‘010, and the ‘011

The Runaways
Blackhearts & Coronets
Official Website | Trailer & Mo

Dakota Fanning has forever been that adorable wunderkind child actress, who had yet to fully grow into a woman.  Overhyped/underwhelming southern gothic rape flick aside, she finally graduates into adulthood, and then some in Floria Sigismondi‘s lackadaisical, yet funadaisical The Runaways, a look back at the brief flash in the pan that was the teenage all girl rock group of the same name.  Dakota plays Cherie Currie, the band’s centerpiece, and reluctant sexpot.  And while Currie herself wasn’t necessarily ready and able to fill that role (she now makes art… with a chainsaw!), her screen counterpart is, and it’s a revelation that’s equal parts magnificent (she will NOT be another flamed out child actor!), as it is uncomfortable (we never wanted to think of I Am Sam‘s daughter in a sexual way, EVER, but we now have no choice)

Kristen Stewart also occupies space in The Runaways, as band co-founder Joan Jett, and although she emotes the most she has since Panic Room, it’s less of a performance of note.  Stewart may look the part, donning the perfect Jett-black wig, but she isn’t very good at doing anything with it.  Maybe she should stick to the confused teenage roles, where she can brood for an eternity that will last longer than her beloved Edward’s life.  The other rockettes (Stella Maeve as drummer Sandy West, Scout Taylor-Compton as guitarist Lita Ford & Alia ‘Maeby Fünke’ Shawkat as Robin, who isn’t even listed on their wiki page) don’t add much either, but then again, they’re given as much top billing here as the Pussycats do behind Josie

It’s all a purty rudimentary band rises, band sorta falls sorta sorted tale, but still, it’s worth the lending of your eyes to watch Dakota’s ascent north, as well as a good eggscuse to catch the hammazin Michael Shannon get all batty as the catty brains behind the whole operation, impresario Kim Fowley.  Thirst for mo you will, so for further rocking from that era, and on Fowley + Rodney Bingenheimer (who pops in here as well), Netflix Mayor of Sunset Strip and thirst no mo!

Pup-py Love: in the movie, Fanning’s sister works at a fictional fast food spot called Pup ‘n’ Fries, which is an homage to no longer in bidness SoCal treasure Pup ‘n’ Taco, which most of us non-West Coasters only know thru the words of Fletch F Fletch

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Runaways goes every which way today in limited release

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…