Spring Breakers 
Bikini Overkill
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 94 min

Harmony Korine‘s Spring Breakers is exactly what you’d think/expect/want it to be.  Maybe more, maybe less, but dude, in the end, it’s fcuking Spring Breakers!!! It’s Korine’s most mainstream movie to date (a good thing), but not necessarily his best (it’s RIGHT up there, but kinda hard to top the depth and beauty of Mister Lonely), but for those who don’t know the difference between Gummo and Chico & The Man, juss go and see it and have your eyes melt  

Spring Breakers is like one long episode of UK’s Skins, but neonier, pastelier, gangstier, and way dirtier, but it doesn’t go ALL THE WAY disgustingly dirty (this isn’t Enter The Void, but it is the same cinematographer!), cause if it did, we’d despise this movie, instead of being energized by it.  Actually, it’s more like this Skins promo, which was raunchier than anything on the actual show, although the show itself was pretty raunchy.  So lets juss say the Spring Breakers‘ is Skins‘ very American cousin, k?  (wait, you’ve seen Skins, right????)

Much has been made about former Disney starlets Vanessa Hudgens (WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ALL MY WIFE????) & Selena Gomez being turned into Korine harlots, and much should be made about it, cause you get to see sides of these girls that you’ve never seen before –  their acting talents the sides of their boobs, and butts!!  Dude, Spring Breakers!!  But don’t get too excited.  The one Spring Breaker who drops trou more than the others is Korine’s real life wife, Rachel Korine, the least looker of the bunch.  Drats.  But put away your calls of nepotism, cause Rachel kinda sorta feels like a well-needed mother-figure to these tween-sweetheart tarts of raging pleasure, even if she’s raging more than all of them combined.  Oh, and the fourth breaker is Pretty Little Liar‘s Ashley Benson, and she’s hotter than mercury on the surface of Mercury!!!!   Oh man, bless this foursome, especially since their entire wardrobe consists of bikinis.  All they wanted was spring break.  So what if they had to rob a BBQ joint with ski-masks, water guns and sledgehammers to make it happen???

After a bunch of endless days and nights of typical collegiate beach partying, the girls break bad when they get tangled up with wankster drug & arms mini-kingpin James Franco (this is when the movie starts to REALLLLLLY click its heels/grillz).  He crosses every line, especially the line of looking like a human being.  Muss be why he goes by the name of Alien.  He’s like the slimiest white dude to ever sport cornrows, and pretty much every white dude that sports cornrows is the slimiest white dude ever (his helpers - The ATL Twins – don’t have cornrows, but they’s slimy in their own special way)  

But the girls take to him, and he giveth back to them.  Ya see, the girls live for spring break.  They don’t want it to ever end.  James Franco’s Alien is the embodiment of spring break never ending.  They want to be him (cept for Gomez).  He wants them to be with him, and in him.  They sing Britney Spears songs together with guns in hand at sunset.  It doesn’t get much better than this, but then it does.  PLEASE DON’T LET SPRING BREAK EVER END!!!! 

But things go wrong, but not too wrong, cause the girls get what they want in the end - a spring break for the ages.  This is ultimately a ‘happy’ story.  A scary happy story, a nightmare that never felt better.  Every minute flirts with disaster, but the next minute keeps molesting you with laughter  

This film is a grower.  As the hours, now days pass, the more and more we fcuking hate that spring break in Spring Breakers ended.  Sure, it’s over, but it aint never over.  I keep hearing James Franco calmly chanting, ‘spreeeng braaaake, spreeeng braaaaaaaaake‘ in my ear.  You’ll hear it too.  And you also won’t be able to get this image out of yer head anytime soon neither, and why would you want it to leave your head???

Spring break forever.  Spring Breakers forever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Verdictgo: it ages like fine wine.  thought it was purty darn good yesterday and now methinking it’s Breast In Show.  give me a week and I’ll proclaim it better than Zodiac

Spring Breakers breaks loose this Friday in NY/LA and elsewhere elsewhen 

oh, and animated gif posters should become the new posters

oh, and this Vanessa Hudgens poster will hang in every room of my house, and every inch of my brain.  Vanessa Hudgens (looking eggzactly like this) 9evvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeer

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Friday

Neil Diamond @ Jones Beach = SO GOOD! SO GOOD! SO GOOD!

just as so good as 2008 was so good!!!

SEE NEIL BEFORE HE OR YOUS DIES, NOW!!!!

+

Saturday & Sunday

Nats @ Fenway – guess what that equaled…

and cameoing on TV replay wasn’t so bad neither

what do you think of all this James Franco?

Rise of the Planet of the Apes
The Found Link
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 105 min

Rise of the Planet of the Apes is by far the scariest of all the 7 Apes movie (Tim Burton’s mistake was scary for a different reason), and maybe even the third best ever, after the orginal and Escape from the Planet of the Apes.  YES!!!!!  This is how a prequel should be done – add to the series (it’s like Conquest, but done betterer), not take away from it (Hannibal Rising) or add nothing new (X-Men: First Class) or juss be plain insulting (Star Wars, cough, cough)

The storyline wasn’t overly complicated, and the direction (by Rupert Wyatt) was good enough, but what makes this Apes rise high is the quality caliber of acting put on display, by the humans (James Franco, John Lithgow, and from the little that Freida Pinto, David Oyelowo, Brian Cox and Tom Felton get to do) and by the humans who were motion captured to pretty close perfection as CGI chimps (Andy Serkis, the king of kong and all other creatures who aren’t really there).  If you watch the originals, they feel kinda cheesy, and we’re not just talking about the ape masks.  When you watch this one, cheese is nowhere to be found

We dug Apes cause we could believe the apes.  Not their cause (although animal cruelty does suck though, right Nim?), but that they were really apes, aping up more feelings than juss wanting a banana.  CGI shiz is still not eggzactly where it needs to be (neither is the internet, so nobody’s perfect… yet), but we’ll take this Planet‘s fake terrain over most other CGI clusterfudges of the past few years

All hail Caesar, and hopefully for many movies to come!

The GrApe Escape: there’s no denying how yumcredbile the original Apes is, but Escape from the Planet of the Apes may be the most fun.  watch why!

Verdictgo: Jeepers Mos Worth A Peepers

Apes is pre-cool at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

any similarities between the Washington Post’s In & Out list is purely poorincidental…

OUT	IN
Tron Guy	Zardoz Girl
Rex Ryan’s Ego	Rex Reed’s Id
Sh!t My Dad Says	Sh!ts Celebs Take
Eyjafjallajökull	Chiwetel Ejiofor
Don’t Ask Don’t Tell	Don’t Ask Speak & Spell
LeBron’s Decision	Rerun’s Precision
Boston Accents	Ballston Accents
Zach Galifianakis	George Papadapolis
Keith David	David Keith
Trapped Miners	Trapper Keepers
TSA Pat-Downs	T & A Rub-Downs
‘featuring Nicki Minaj’	‘featuring Mickey Rooney’
Vuvuzelas	Mummenschanz
I’m With Coco	I’m Masturbating With Cocoa Butter
Nancy Pelosi	Yancey Thigpen
Bedbugs Outbreak	Outbreak Steakhouse
Larry King Live	Larry King Dead
‘Release The Kraken‘	Don’t Release Clash of The Titans 2
Sasha Grey’s Hairy Bush	Sasha Grey’s Hairy Brush
Brian Wilson’s Beard	Brian Wilson’s Beard
Stieg Larsson	Gary Larson
Memory Freaks	Mammary Freaks
Steven Slater	Helen Slater
Top Kill	Top Cat
Preventing Forest Fires	Preventing Forest Whitaker
James Franco, All-American	Franco-American
FAIL Blog	Frail Blog
Meg Whitman’s Warchest	Meg White’s Chest
Locavores	Lark Voorhies’ Whores

and here’s what was In Oder Aus in the ‘006, the ‘007, the ‘008,  the ‘009 & the ‘010

‘Q: How’s the pie? A: So good‘ = still so good

unrelated notes:

♣ Pinder [N$4W]

♣ when we grow up, we want to go to Victory University, where everyone’s a winner

♣ more like Korova Milk-boo

&

28 years ago, Thriller dropped, and so did this

miss her

still love her

never forget Cuthy

never forget Cuthy with Milla Kunis

Cuthbert still = Cuthbest!