Silver Linings Playbook
Bipolar Opposites Attract
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 122 min

David O Russell‘s Silver Linings Playbook is a great great great American film.  It’s like American Beauty but less pretentious and more American.  It’s like David O’s own The Fighter, but more fun and funnier.  Not even Jennifer Lawrence‘s dour sourpuss stizz can halt its amazingness.  She, for the first time in our eyes, hands in an actual performance that isn’t a total snoozefest, and its incredible!  IT’S TRUE!!!!  Chris Tucker isn’t even the most annoying thing in the film.  What is?  NOTHING, cause if you pair Bradley Cooper and Robert De Niro in a movie, it’s obviously going to be something worth seeing.  OK, so it has only happened twice – first, with the crizzazzy Limitless & now with Playbook (the time where pre-fame Coops asked De Niro a question on Inside The Actor’s Studio doesn’t count), but still, Cooper/De Niro in 2016!!!!

So what is the Silver Linings Playbook? Bradley Coops is a bipolar man that has just returned home after an extended stay at a mental facility, who wants nothing more than his wife & previous life back, but that aint happening anytime soon, even if he’s under the delusion that it is.  In order to get better, Coops wants to see the silver lining in everything… AND USE IT AS HIS PLAYBOOK!  He gets help and support from his parents, De Niro & Jacki Weaver (she, the tuff & ruff & gruff Aussie mum in Animal Kingdom), even if he may have inherited his crazy from them.  Weaver doesn’t have that much to do besides bake & hug, but her smile is a comfort every time it is shown.  De Niro on the otherhand, is actually acting, as a character who lives & breathes, instead of juss showing up for a paycheck.  He is fantabolous, especially when he gets all itchy about his beloved Philadelphia Eagles, gambling & good luck charms.  DON’T YOU DARE MESS WITH HIS JUJU!!!!!

And while Coops also gets solid support from folks like Anupam Kher, John Ortiz, Shea Whigham & Julia Stiles, he finds the most help from a kindred battered spirit in the form of Katniss Everdeen J-Law.  Her husband recently died, and she too wants to put her life back together.  This movie is really about Coops and J-Law moving forward in life, together, even if they seem like two ingredients in a recipe for disaster.  While the outcome may be a tad predictable, and a bit more dancy than Hugh, the journey is so dang earnest and honest and awesome that it actually pays to discover something so undiscoverious.  That isn’t a word, but this movie is so great that it’s forcing us to make up words.  We hope this wins lots of awards.  We hope you do too

summary of all fears – there’s a movie that Jennifer Lawrence is in that we don’t hate and/or hate her in it, which automatically makes it a MUSS MUSS MUSS SEEEEE!!!

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Silver Linings is gold in limited release this Friday

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

House at The End of The Street
Dead End On Arrival
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 101 min

There’s a house in this movie, but its actual location on its street is never EVER determined. It could be at the beginning of the street or even in the MIDDLE of the street, but it is never ever noted that the house is actually located at the end of the street.  So why bother naming your movie House at The End of The Street?  Guess Generic Sorta Horror Movie X was juss not catchy enuff.  Having a poorly used title is one thing, but being a poor movie in general is another

OK, so the house did have some murders in it, which we see in the very first scene, but they are about as creepy as the bleeps and the sweeps were in Spaceballs… which means they are not creepy at all.  The presentation of these murders was purty darns silly, and it sets the tone for everything else from there on out – laffable

You will laff at the kid (Max Thieriot) who still lives in the house that his parents were murdered in, and who keeps his sister (the murderer?????????????????????????????) locked in the basement, and who doesn’t do such a good job at keeping her locked in the basement, cause she’s always getting out and running in the woods and screaming and stuff.  And you will laff at his budding romance with his new neighbor Jennifer Lawrence, who sings laffable love ballads for zero reason other than to maybe launch a blah singing career to add to her blah acting career.  We wouldn’t dare laff at J-Law’s hot MILF Elisabeth Shue, cause we’re actually crying at her, cause she deserves better than this, like more adventures in babysitting or having MORE liquor being poured on her boobs [NSFW]

Anywho, stuff happens, but so does sh!t, and the twists that come our way are about as shocking as Jeremy Shockey doing something douchey, and when your movie is about as shocking as Jeremy Shockey doing something douchey, it means your movie is pretty f$%king stoopid

Street Treat: we want to eat off Allie MacDonald‘s dollar menu!!

Verdictgo: Slit Your Eyes Out Repoopulous

Street has no outlet today at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

The Hunger Games
Hype-Hype Boo-Ray!!!
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 142 min

Before we dig not so deep into this ‘review’, here’s a recap of our tweets with our immediate ‘thoughts’ on seeing the ‘movie’ version of Suzanne Collins‘ The Hunger Games

– HUNGER GAMES???? more like BORING LAMES!!!!!!!! 999999real!!

– I love me some bad future movies above all other genres, but that was a not so good bad future movie. the future didn’t look bad enough.  apparently director Gary Ross has never seen a dystopian movie from the 70s

– There’s more excitement contained in 5 minutes of an AMERICAN GLADIATORS episode than there was in 7 hours of HUNGER GAME movieage

- HUNGER GAMES the movie hinges on Jennifer Lawrence‘s ability to emote. she can’t and the movie is thus emotionless

- HUNGER GAMES really needed some vampire baseball action.  [also] needed more boobs, fried chicken and ZODIAC

– things I liked about HUNGER GAMES – Stanley Tucci & his hair’s performance, Wes Bentley‘s devil beard, and the ending cause it meant movie was over

– I wish Katniss volunteered to watch THE BORING LAMES in my place

- I have a bad feeling that parents are going to start naming their kids Katniss and Peeta

– What happens in HUNGER GAMES sequel – Lenny Kravitz opens a salon? Kiefer Sutherland farms berries? Haymitch & Juliette Lewis go on a murder spree?

You are now exiting tweetville, and entering the ‘review’ of the ‘film’

As you can tell, we loved The Hunger Games!!!! NOT!!!!  But we didn’t hate it (PROMISE!).  We just don’t understand the appeal and big deal being made about this movie.  Sure, the books are probably bettererand morerer entertaining, but books are for people who can read, and movies are for people who like their stories wrapped up in 2 hrs so they can see more movies than you can read books.  Anywho, this is not a good movie.  It’s not bad, but it’s not good

Battle Royale, Running Man, blah blah blagg, you’ve heard it before, and again and somethen, but it’s true, The Hunger Games are lesser versions of them.  See those.  Don’t bother with HUNGER TAMED.  Why?  Cause there’s nothing to The Hunger Games movie.  There’s no danger (you know the heroine and her hero-ish friend Josh Hutcherson are gonna live), no drama (unless you’re concerned if bland-o Alexander Ludwig will ever act again), or any sense of anything (it’s like the future in one of them AT&T ‘You Will’ commercials with special FX that look like they were created on a Commodore 64.  no offense to those AT&T commercials, but that was the future according to the early 90s and the last time we checked, the early 90s are over)… and yet, it’s still sorta kinda watchable, even though the Games don’t start until 80+ minutes into it, and about 90 minutes needed to be cut from the whole thing

So what is good?  Tucci as that giddy Oompa Loompa looking TV announcer (it’s the only creepy cool thing about the entire movie, in a Richard Dawson Running Man awesome kinda way), Donald Sutherland‘s voice (duh), Elizabeth Banks‘ wardrobe (maybe?), the fact that Woody Harrelson is in it so young audiences will know of him for future movie going experiences (although he does better mentor work in Game Change, which also has morerer cutthroat gaming than anything in the con game that is The Hunger Sames), and Isabelle Fuhrman is in it too, although not nearly enuff.  She’s adorable, and was so evil in that movie where she was evil.  She’s not nearly evil enuff here, then again, nothing here is, and that is why we don’t HUNGER for these GAMES.  A movie about kids killing each other should be tense and scary and sinister, not none of the above!!!!

Oh, you wanted to know the plot?  It’s like a bad future America, although it doesn’t seem so bad.  It makes 1984 look like our actual 1984.  Every year there’s this big thing called The Hunger Games where a boy & a girl from each of the 12 districts are selected and compete in a water-downed Running Man Battle Royale so that people will like watch it on TV and not revolt or something.  So our girl in this game is some girl with a really stoopid name – Katniss, and the boy from her district is VelPeeta or something.  They aren’t exactly BFFs.  In some flashback, she was hungry and he threw her some bread in the mud, while it was raining!  OH MY!!!  BREAD!!!  MUD!!!!  RAINING!!!!  Anywho, the two get all like dolled up by make-up artists and get advice from drunk former winners and they be in the big city where trains are fast and it all looks like a shittier CGIier version of Coruscant, and all the people are kinda dressed like Clockwork Orange‘s singing sophisto lady from the TV station.  But before the games begin, the kids get trained in a zero-energy filled training sequence.  Then VelPeeta admits he has a crush on Katnipp, and then the games begin, and within like 2 minutes of the games, like 1/2 the kids are dead, and then the rest of the movie takes place in a forest, which isn’t very futuristic, and then they play cat and mouse games that aren’t amusing to anyone (involved or watching), and then Kattnappp whistles to birds, and then more kids die and then some don’t, then there’s a cave scene, and whatever, and then the games end.  CAN YOU GUESS WHO SURVIVE(s)!?!?!?!?!?!?

moral of the story – this could have been an awesome movie, but the guy who made Pleasantville not as awesome as it could have been does or DON’Ts it again.  this is the same guy who made Seabiscuit, and can’t remember much about it, cept there was a horse and Peter Parker rode it and they both overcame the odds to win the Hunger Games

even this shitty 80s movie about a bad future was more betterer and more evilier and more watchable than The Hunger Games, even though this movie is unwatchable

…But Seriously: this one still photograph has more bad future TV show deathgame beyond bestness than the entireness of the The Hunger Games movie

Verdictgo: Very Little Merit AND No Stinkin Badges

Games is currently running afoul at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

nope, this photo aint from Hunger Games either.  it’s from a real movie where kids gun down each other

showed yous the hottie hotness in movies of the 2011

picked the breastest movies of the beastest of the 2011

and now…

8thishendith Anal
Thighs Wide
Movie Awards

aka

THE THIGHSMANS!!!

The Death To Smoochy
Worstest Pictures
of the Year

Sucker Punch

The Beaver

& Transformers 1924253

_

The Gus van Sant
Most Pretentious
Miranda July Movie
With A Talking Cat

The Future

runner down

 Uncle Boonmee Who Can Recall His Past Lives

_

The Bare Un-Necessities/
Coulda Been A Contender

The Hangover Part II

Hanna

In Time

The Ides of March

Our Idiot Brother

30 Minutes or Less

Unknown

The Green Hornet

The Guard

_

in memory of Robert ‘Tractor’ Traylor
we are renaming our trailers award (for now)…

 Tinkered, Trailers, Awesome, Thighs

Poster Her!
Poster We!
Poster Haste!

& the wurstest ones eses eesses  essesses

and the worstest of the year???

WORST POSTER EVER????

_

Credits That Deserve Mad Credits

James Bond With A Dragon Tattoo

_

The 2nd Annual
Greta Grrr Wig
Recipient of
The OK, This Joke/Career
Muss Be Stopped
Now Award

Jennifer Lawrence

_

The Samuel L Jackson
Never Met A Script
He Didn’t Like
Guy of The Year

Jessica Chastain & Michael Fassbender
came close with 6 flix each 

but not even they could top

John Savage 

who had 8 flix in 2011!!

_

Bestest Line of The Year

‘I put on a granny wig and I made me a fat suit. You know what a fat suit is? Like in Norbit?‘

or pretty much anything Joyce McKinney says

& sorta the 2nd best and kinda the most worst

‘I have to help Charles finish his movie‘

_

The Gifs That Keeps On Gifing

_

The KFC
Finger Stickin’ Goodness
Goodie Three Shoes Award

Fassbender’s subway glances
make girls go wetty wetty

& pretty much every scene in Shame

+ these other hotnessies

we want teacher Eva Green to pet us

Dunst’s nude moonbathing

69% of Sleeping Beauty

Knightley’s daily moans

that catfish banging that woman???

_

Movie Things
That Aren’t Movies
That Moved Us 

the launch of our sister site Quiet On The Sets

Tom Kruse

silent pianist Ben Model

VHS Dreams

Panel Discussion

The Kove

Addams Family + Tag Team = ‘Addams Family (Whoomp!)’

this guy and his wife

Kirkstart My Heart

Ghanaian movie posters

Jake Busey as a child

_

Bestest Flix We Netted / Saw In A Theater
Cause Seeing Old Movies In A Theater
Is Better Than Seeing New Movies
In A Theater!!!

_

Always Bet On These Lil
Shirley Temple Black
(& White) Children

Steve Zahn Charlie Tahan

Clare Foley

Amelia Clarkson

Amara Miller

Laramie Eppler

Jasper Newell

Kimia Hosseini

_

Face Timeless

Brady (fake Michael Pitt) Corbet’s face, in anything

_

Songs That Execute Butter
Than Norman Mailer’s Bong

‘Immigrant Song‘ by Karen O, Trent Reznor & Atticus Ross

‘Nightcall‘ by Kavinsky featuring Lovefoxxx

‘Man or A Muppet?‘

anything Cliff Martinez scored

Harry Escott’s ‘Shame Suite’

_

Unintentional Porn
To Be Wild Titles

Rubber

The Thing

The Big Bang

A Screaming Man

The Bang Bang Club

My Afternoons with Margueritte

My Piece of the Pie

The Beaver

_

Fenella Woolgar
Bestest Names Award

Bonecrusher the Mastiff 

Clement von Franckenstein

Raphaël Personnaz

Pure Watanabe

Ludger Pistor

Bitsie Tulloch

& Oona Service

_

Miscecallous Things That Either Stepped Up or Stepped Down More Than Step-Up 9D

Gary Oldman’s fantastic portrayal of Bill Nighy

what’s the story with
J Edgar Hoover & Shirley Temple?

Raiders of the Lost Ark: The Adaptation

hidden titties in Disney’s The Rescuers!!!

Linda Manz Kills All Hippies

Roland Emmerich’s house

Stand By Me turns 20

 Rachael Blake’s cold eyes in Sleeping Beauty

Casey Siemaszko’s sister is alive and adorable

Laurence Olivier had his own brand of cigarettes?? 

The Bobbediest & Flapper Dapperiest
Filmed Entertainments of 2011

_

Movies To Look
For In The ‘012

What About Bobbed?

Justin Bieber: Never Say Never Again Again in 4D

We Brought A Zardoz

Uranus Needs Moms

Cowboys & Raelians

Currencytesticle

Martha Marcy May Marlene II: Martha Marcy May Marlene Mabel Megan Mallory Medea Mona Myrtle Melinda & Melinda

11 Fast, 11 Furious
_

don’t forget to peep out our
’10, ’09, ’08, ’07, ’06, ’05, ’04, ’03, and ’02 awards!!

movies are amazing, and so are you

until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

X-Men: First Class
When We Were Tweens
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 132 min

There’s all kinda stuff goings on and off in Matthew Vaughn‘s X-Men prequel, but most of it is not much of consequence (wow, mutant kids meet other mutant kids for the first time, AND THEN they get to hone their skillz, in a super slow montage!), since prequels are usually pointlessly redundant ways of taking more of our cash for something we already know well about (wait, Magento was a holocaust survivor???  wait, Professor X used to be able to walk and then one day he couldn’t???). And since this film’s trailer (a damn fine one) puts on display all the juicy actiony content (that Cuban missile crises sh#t was still pretty cool!!), the bits that are worth the price of admission are the wits-y ones.  You know, watching brainy studs Magsy & Proffy X forge a BFFship and then sees it fall apart (we still rooted for it to work, even though we KNEW it wouldn’t)

Watching James McAvoy think and act like Jean-Luc Picard, and Michael Fassbender snarl and snap like an evil Gandolf, while both adding their own flourishes to the characters, was the only thing first class about the film, and that’s almos good enuff for us.  But why employ Kevin Bacon as yer main bad guy?  He was only scary and creepy when he was invisible and groping chicks in that Verhoeven movie.  And don’t know why everyone’s getting all over January Jones‘ case.  She has the very egggzact same amount of acting talent that Academy Award nominee Jennifer Lawrence does —  negative 5.  Lawrence is more blah as the conflicted blue chick than JJ is at looking hot in a movie where she was solely cast to look hot in.  Lawrence is more like X-Men WURST CLASS!!!!!  It’s true, cause we said so.  Oh, and Rose Byrne‘s in this, but she’s not a mutant, so she serves no purpose, but we’re not going to complain about her undercover (but sadly NOT under the covers) lingerie work.  Oh, and Nicholas Hoult was pretty good as Frasier with furry feet, even though he wasn’t wearing a super gay pink angora sweater.  He should get that sweater written into all of his contracts

Fassbestness: see Mikey F sizzle and dazzle in last year’s brilliant Fish Tank OR ELSE!!  but you’re probably a smarty jones and listened to us and already saw this!  if so, pat yerself on the back, and then yer balls

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

X-Men hits the spot enuff, currently at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…