Thighs Wide Shut

I don’t believe in Emmys or shammys or whatever, but there’s some amazing stuff going on – on TV (mainly on FX) and I juss have to give them some props de leon…

the Zach Galifianakis rodeo clown show isn’t AS funny as you’d expect/want it to be, but that doesn’t really matter cause Louie Anderson is ridiculously amazing in it, and seriously, when is the last time you gave a flying fcuk about Louie Anderson???  WATCH Baskets, but not necessarily for Galifianakis, who plays Anderson’s twin boys – Chip AND Dale, but momma Anderson.  she loves a good bargain, Arby’s curly fries, the way Dasani water tastes, and CostCo, and we juss love her, and him as her

and bless Galifianakis’ other co-star - Martha Kelly – who plays Galifianakis’ non-love interest/insurance adjuster… Martha.  this woman is a stand-up comic, and this show is her first filmed credit, and she totally goes toe to toe with Galifianakis AND Louie Anderson, as the show’s straightman.  that is truly something!  she is more than truly something!!!

–

and don’t even get me started on The People vs OJ Simpson.  OK, I’ll get myself started on it.  if there were ever a show that needed all of its episodes released at one time – this would be the one.  Fuller House?  I could wait centuries for the next episode to drop.  The Peeps vs OJ?  I NEED THAT SH!T LIKE YESTERDAY – ALL OF IT!!!  and even though it all actually happened well before yesterday, and we know the outcome, you sit there and watch and go, jesus age christ, we HAVE to get OJ convicted, lets go prosecutors!!!  And even though we know they failed (or that the jury failed us), we are rooting like fcuk for them to somehow win this case we know gets lost!

MARCIA MARCIA MARCIA.  poor Marcia Clark.  her hair and problems and stuff are all being dug-up again for the public to see and pee on, but enuff time has passed, and the way the show presents her – it’s cutting her a break, and I feel so sorry for her (if yer watching, I bet you do too).  in fact, I had trouble sleeping last night, worrying about her and her hair and how she was mocked… 20+ years ago!!!  

humanizing her is THE great Sarah Paulson.  if you’ve been watching her in the American Horror Stories, you know she is THE fcuking best, and THE woman rocking the whole network – a Ms FX if you will.  I CANNOT get enuff of her as her, or her in general!!  

and a thousand zillion wig awards has to go to the dude/dudettes behind recreating these wigs!!!

I mean, I could dedicate a zillion more words and pictures of love for the entire cast – to Travolta’s eyebrows as Shapiro, and Cuba Goodings badding as OJ, and David Shimmer being awesome for once as the only Kardashian that may actually matter, and Nathan Lane playing it straight as F Lee Baily, and Robert Morse as a jolly morose Dominick Dunne, and Bruce Greenwood doing that standard awesome Bruce Greenwood thing he’s doing as Gil Garcetti, and Kenneth Choi BEING Lance Ito and a zillion more actors acting the crap out of their real life roles, but man, outside of Marcia Clark and her hair, it’s really really reealllllllllly all about Sterling K Brown as Christopher Darden vs Courtney B Vance as Johnnie Cochran.  I could watch them bark and bite ALL DAY LONG.  They need a spin-off show where all they do is try to one up each other in court or in smoothness or awesomeness!!

court (of my opinion) adjourned 

Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)
Breaking The Fifth Wall
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 119 min

Alejandro González Iñárritu‘s Birdman is be like…

–

Michael Keaton is an actor who was once a superhero

and now is like nothing or something

&

a superhero kinda like Condorman

&

his daughter is Emma Stone

who’s like a strung out/sarcastic Daisy Duck

&

Keaton’s trying to put on a Broadway show
in hopes of reviving his career

but it kinda goes like The Producers
with Zach Galifianakis as the hybrid lovechild
of Zero Mostel & Gene Wilder

&

one of his costars is a jerky Ed Norton
who’s out to spoil all the fun
and steal the spotlight

(and Andrea Riseborough is kinda doing the same thing)

which makes it feel a little About Eve

&

the fragile Naomi Watts is about to break

&

all of it seems like one giant artistical battle
like totally like Black Swan yo!

but not nearly as freaky or freakin awesome

&

but its got shades of the creative long-take editing of
Hitch’s BRILLIANT Rope

&

the even more creative and longer takes of
Alfonso Cuaron’s BRILLIANT Children of Men

&

luckily Amy Ryan is our center of gravity
and source of comfort

so what does it all add up to? an interesting movie with great technique, with a story that kinda grows old after an hour

glad to see Keaton back in action, but Oscars??? psssshah – this aint no Bettlejuice, or even Johnny Dangerously, so if he wins this year, it’s a make-up call for not winning for them roles

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Birdman is fly enuff in limited release

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

The Campaign
On The Trail Mixed Bag
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 85 min

With The Campaign, Jay Roach has now made as many average political movies (Recount + that Sarah Palin one) as he has Austin Powerses (when one AP was enuff).  The rest of his resume consists of 2 up and down/frown Focker flicks, Mystery, Alaska, the mostly lacking Dinner for Schmucks, and something called Zoo Radio.  Lets just say that Mel Brooks isn’t losing any sleep over this oeuvre.  But what are we saying?  We haven’t said anything!  But what we’re gonna say is that Jay Roach makes unmemorable films that contain very memorable laughs.  The Campaign?  Forgettable, but it certainly had its [funny] moments.  Is that enuff?  Sure, why not

Pit Will Ferrell against Zach Galifianakis in a single movie and dare it to be unfunny.  WE DARE YOU!!!!!!  They both play two inept dudes running for some North Carolina congressional seat.  Their ‘heated’ race and ‘nail-bitting’ election are udderly uninteresting, when we guess they could have been, but the hi-jinks Will & Zach toss our way guarantee to make The Campaign a worthwhile staple of cable TV airings in the decade to come.  Is that enuff? Sure, why not

But we expect betterbester of our comedies.  The satire could have been more biting, instead juss being nibbly.  And when you have a campaign staff consisting of such heavies as John Lithgow, Dan Aykroyd and Brian Cox, but have them do nothing but fake smile and shake hands, you know that bester is possible.  Dylan McDermott, as a stealthy taskmaster, and Karen Maruyama, as an antebellum sounding maid, boost the approval ratings a bit, but the whole affair is a tight race that’s almost too close to call, if it’s worth your time or not.  Is that enuff? Maybe not, but you could always juss re-watch Election instead

InnHERspace: Katherine LaNasa is out of this orbit hot

so much so that she’s been married to Dennis Hopper AND French Stewart, and now is engaged to Grant Show

Verdictgo: loooooooooooooow end Jeepers Worth A Peepers

The Campaign swings into a state near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

The Hangover Part II
Hung Out, Too Dry
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 102  min

The Hangover I was purty darns good (remember kids, we usually don’t say such nice things about modern comedies!).  Its sequel, not at all.  It’s one thing to repeat the entire plot (in a new, more exotic setting!!!), but it’s another to not come through on the only thing that matters – jokes that cause laughter.  Don’t know if the script was rushed into being, or perhaps the writers (Craig Mazin and Scot Armstrong, along with director Todd Phillips) honestly thought that they had constructed something truly hilarious, but the only souls laughing here are the studio heads, all the way to the bank with the buckoo-bucks we handed over to them for this uninspired and tired effort.  Who’s game for a third one?  Probably everyone but the audience!!

You know your comedy doesn’t work if you can’t make any use of Zach Galifianakis‘ talent.  Wonder what Zachy thinks of the script, especially since this material is 9 feet beneath him + the fact that he sorta hates the hand that feeds him.  It’s not like the acting is bad (Bradley Cooper and Ed Helms do what is asked of them), well, unless we’re talking about the ‘acting’ of half note ‘actor’ Ken Jeong (who makes awful novice Mason Lee look like Charlton Heston), and the direction is fine (it does resemble a thing that we call a movie), but 1nce again, it comes down to this – THERE ARE NO LAUGHS.  Well, that’s not not entirely true.  There were probably 2 of them (‘K’ as in knife, is one of them), and of course none came from the tongues of Ken Jeong, poor bland Justin Bartha, a wasted Paul Giamatti, or that smoking monkey that’s suppose to be hilarious cause it’s a monkey that smokes!!  Ha, ha, ha.  So funny that we forgot to laugh

Hangover 10: Kim Lee

not to be confused with Lee Kim

Verdictgo: Slit Yer Eyes Out Repoopulous

be a teetotaler and stay away from yer local theater showing The Hangover II

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

any similarities between the Washington Post’s In & Out list is purely poorincidental…

OUT	IN
Tron Guy	Zardoz Girl
Rex Ryan’s Ego	Rex Reed’s Id
Sh!t My Dad Says	Sh!ts Celebs Take
Eyjafjallajökull	Chiwetel Ejiofor
Don’t Ask Don’t Tell	Don’t Ask Speak & Spell
LeBron’s Decision	Rerun’s Precision
Boston Accents	Ballston Accents
Zach Galifianakis	George Papadapolis
Keith David	David Keith
Trapped Miners	Trapper Keepers
TSA Pat-Downs	T & A Rub-Downs
‘featuring Nicki Minaj’	‘featuring Mickey Rooney’
Vuvuzelas	Mummenschanz
I’m With Coco	I’m Masturbating With Cocoa Butter
Nancy Pelosi	Yancey Thigpen
Bedbugs Outbreak	Outbreak Steakhouse
Larry King Live	Larry King Dead
‘Release The Kraken‘	Don’t Release Clash of The Titans 2
Sasha Grey’s Hairy Bush	Sasha Grey’s Hairy Brush
Brian Wilson’s Beard	Brian Wilson’s Beard
Stieg Larsson	Gary Larson
Memory Freaks	Mammary Freaks
Steven Slater	Helen Slater
Top Kill	Top Cat
Preventing Forest Fires	Preventing Forest Whitaker
James Franco, All-American	Franco-American
FAIL Blog	Frail Blog
Meg Whitman’s Warchest	Meg White’s Chest
Locavores	Lark Voorhies’ Whores

and here’s what was In Oder Aus in the ‘006, the ‘007, the ‘008,  the ‘009 & the ‘010