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Friday, February 19
Shutter Island
The Island of Doctored Morose
Official Website | Trailer & Mo
Remember when the trailer for Marty Scorsese's Shutter Island dropped on an unsuspecting world last summer? We hadn't seen such obvious plot divulging since the olden days when trailers practically gave everything away including the kitchen zinc! Stop here if you haven't seen the aforementioned trailer, stop in general if yer thinking about running off to the theater to see this. According to said trailer, the big question is who was the 67th patient on Shutter Island (think Arkham Asylum on Alcatraz)? It doesn't take someone smarter than a 5th grader to figure who unlucky #67 might be. Urgh! Even if you haven't seen the trailer, it won't take you long to discover who it is. And if you can't figure it out early on, they hammer home the (not much of a) reveal over and over (actually there's a lot of stuff repeated, including a lot of unnecessary Holocaust imagery), up until a point where you'd rather be committed to any other available mental institution besides this one that's miles off the coast of Boston, although apparently not far enuff to lose that wretched accent at sea (damn you book writer Dennis Lehane!!!). Speaking of speaking with wretched accents, what's up with Leonardo DiCaprio's? Every movie he stars in should ban words containing 'sh' and 'ch' sounds, cause the way he spits em out of his mouth is more grating than a cheese grater grating yer balls that's greater than the size and smell of Grape Ape's dumps. Is Leo #67? Is Grape Ape?
Maybe 67 is Leo's partner Mark Ruffalo, who has joined him on the island to investigate the disappearance of a patient, which may be Emily Mortimer or is it Patricia Clarkson? Are they #67? Is it the hospital administrator Ben Kingsley, who's having more fun here than anyone else? Or his German sidekick doc Max von Sydow, having the second most amount of fun? Perhaps it's warden Ted Levine (who played Buffalo Bill in Silence of The Lambs) or John Carroll Lynch (the Zodiac in Zodiac) or weaselly looned inmate Jackie Earle Haley (what a stretch for him!). Perchance it's Leo's dead wife Michelle Williams who haunts him more than this movie will ever haunt its audience. That's right, there aint no scares, thrills, chills, bumps, mumps, German measles or anything, cept sum fantastic looking filming locales (see below) and an endlessly clawing Bernard Herrmannesque score that strikes a creepy tone the movie itself can never support. Maybeez the audience is #67?? Maybe, but who cares! The only thing we want to know is what is Heinz' 58th variety?
Set Erector: like we said, one of the only things going for Shutter is the island itself. a thang of udder beauty, which was put together utilizing various forgotten Massachusetts spots, like the abandoned state hospital in Medfield, Peddocks Island, the mill in Taunton + good ole fashioned old fashioned set design
Verdictgo: the sets keep the match in game, barely, so Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges
Shutter stutters today at a theater new jews
and until next thyme the balcony is clothed...
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