Thighs Wide Shut Thighs Wide Shut

Friday, August 10

Lobot Highbot

Daft Punk
Keyspan Park
Coney Island
August 10th

I finally got an answer to that age olde question that has been plaguing scienastrologists for ages: What kinda concert do two French robots put on? Happarently one of the most RAWKinest ones mt EVERest and mt BLANC! With the imagery of Tron, THX-1138, the Star Wars arcade game, Intel, and the Masons, Daft Punk pieced together the mos bananas and grapefruit ear and eyegasams of this new century! While they may only be two dudes juss twiddling knobs to pre-recorded music inside a pyramid, I still wouldn't trade the eggspeareance in for 17 live Jimi Hendrix guitar solos. Wait, what the hell am I saying? Anyblaze, the non-stop mix they played got the usually tame/lame NYCers toe tappinin and hands clapinin from the get go to the get end. I mean, they may be robots, but they is human after all!


looks like the only thing I missed out on all night was this NSFW subway ride!

and oh yeah, the other nite at the Beacon, we totally JOed to Chris Isaak, juss like it was the '06

and oh yeah, schlappy 75th bursday LEGO!


# Lobot Highbot

Thursday, August 9

A Complete Savage

forget about that 2% freshness for Daddy Day Camp, with such scathingness as 'a comedy for no ages' [NYPost], cause nothing will stop Fred Savage from ruling world. While he may be sluming it with Cuba for now, it won't be long before Hollywood changes its name to FredSavageGivesUsWood. I mean, not even Scorsese has da passion that Kev-bo gots. And it's not juss for movies. Take a bite outta deez sheezies:

Poker In The Rear Fanatic


Diseased Bears Fan



Natural History Buff
& McDonalds Pitchman


NES Power Glove Hater


Gay Superhero
Who Helps Keep Jason Hervey Employed


GI Joe Big Wheel Pimp


Molested Victim
of Child Toucher Howie Mandel


Smacked-Up Clarinetist
& VanDer Five-Head Annoyerer


&

Dark Wizard Who Can Make Judge Reinhold
Act Like Dudley Moore In Like Father Like Son

previously on the OC:

The Twilight Years

Wonder Faps

The Critics Are Ravens!


# A Complete Savage

Lick My Seussicals



which should not be confused with
our previous idear


Hines 57 + 943


# Lick My Seussicals

Wednesday, August 8

Art Snoozeveau

Inside Paris (Dans Paris)
Inside Out
Trailer

I always say that foreign films can get away with a lot more than American ones can just because they're in another language. But at the end of the day, or the week for that matter, even if yer speaking Esperanto, you still have an obligation to entertain your audience. Well, like Dans Paris' troubled protagonist Paul, I too was contemplating jumping off a balcony after I struggled to stay awake through this self-indulgent French film. This wasn't a complete snoozefest, as I did like all of the characters in the film, but I just didn't understand where they were coming from or where they were going to. Dans Paris tries to put all the jigsaw pieces together in its emotional third act, but by that time, the audience is closer to drained, than being entertained

Game For This Gamine: Joana Preiss may be a model, but she looks too much like Sandra Bernhard to get our mr mojo risin'. That's why we pledge our amour to cutie patootie Alice Butaud, who on second thought, kinda also looks like Sandra Bernhard. In that case, we throw our baguette in the general direction of Marie-France Pisier, who may be an oldie, but still a NSFWie

Been There, Done Him?: don't confuse this film with the male porn Inside Paris, 'where you'll find your tower just as erect as the Eiffel'

John Grisham's Jizzum (aka Verdict): Un Certain Mérite, Mais Ceci Ne Mérite Aucun Insigne D'Odeur

Inside Paris (Dans Paris) opens in limited theaters today
and opens elsewhere elsewhen

until next thyme the balcony is clothed...


# Art Snoozeveau

Great Danes

Who doesn't love a good Danish? Personally, you can't go wrong with Entenmann's Danish Walnut Ring, but I prefer the sweet sweet sounds of Junior Senior juss a wee bit mo. Oh yeah, remember them? Well, next Tuesday the follow-up to their insta-classic D-D-Don't Don't Stop the Beat, Hey Hey My My Yo Yo, finally gets a US release


Shiz has been around since the '05 (their thumcredible ditty with the B-52 ladies 'Take My Time' [vid] even made our best of list for that year!), but to make up for the delay, some come with a limited edish 7-song EP, Say Hello, Wave Goodbye

But wait folks, there be more! They is touring and it's a show not to be missed. How do we know? Well, we caught them at the Merc Lounge back in the '05 tis was so rawkin that we're catchin em again next week too! And so can you! I got a pair of tickets to give away to the NYC show. All ya gotta do is tell me whom you think the greatestest Junior/Senior combo is and why. For example, me thinks Professor Henry Jones, Sr. and his son Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr. are the knees beez cause they both banged the same Nazi chick!

Here's the rest of the dates
that you should make a date for

08/10 New Orleans, LA - Ryko Convention (Tipitina’s Uptown)
08/11 Boston, MA - Middle East
08/13 New York, NY - Highline Ballroom
08/15 Los Angeles, CA - Roxy
08/16 San Francisco, CA - Popscene


# Great Danes

Finally...


...the Nats did something of significance!!


# Finally...

Tuesday, August 7

Make No Mistake
By This Lake

finally, there's a reason to visit Cleveland!
(well, other than for buying cases of stadium mustard)

the Christmas Story house

restored to its filmtastic glory

Jake Gyllenhaal to kiss Suzy Kolber?

I aint no Trekkie, but this might go down as one of the mos on-pointestist casting calls of balls thyme

Falkor's Sister lesbian dancing on the set of the t.A.T.u. flick and a big fan of fruit-roll up dresses

The 2nd Ave Deli hated old people, and apparently still hates the idea of being open for bidness

Warhol vs Bansky

who wouldn't want to go Downes on Katie? [NSFW]

André Gower digs up sum mo Monster Squad deleted scenes that didn't make it onto the recent DVD set

speaking on DVDs, why the hell was I not alerted about the Voyagers! box set? Don't know what I'm talkin about? It's a show like Quantum Leap, cept less lame and less Bakulariffic. Breast In Peace Jon-Erik Hexum!!

to hell with the Alamo, cause you should never forget when Bea Arthur & Star Wars joined forces for the first and last thyme


also, never forget the Big Johnson t-shirt craze

finestestest way to waste 13 minutes: Google Image search the TWS dot WHOREg

is it football season yet? for this Redskins fan, he never has to ask such a question [Roachclip]

If I could captain one boat, it would be De Pannenkoekenboot (for you idjiots who can't finger it out tis a Pancake Boat!!) [Ad Mich]

Rygar glitches

it's no Red Sauce on Pasta, but it'll do

[Wrestle wit Jimmy, which is kinda NSFW]

and if for those still knot in the knows, The Flight of the Conchords are truly the kneessszz beeszzz. While Tenacious D are kinda funny, these Kiwis are kinda the fourth bestest comedic musical group mt EVERest, behind Weird Al, Spinal Tap and the unintentionally hilariousnessness of Rockapella. Anywho, in anticipation of a full album due out on Sub Pop in the '08, a small lil 6 song EP was released today called The Distant Future. It includes studio versions of 'Business Time', 'If You're Into It' & 'Not Crying' + live rendishes of 'The Most Beautiful Girl in the Room' & 'Robots'. A muss have for any Conchords fan (I hear Mel camped out for 8 months), cause even without the videos, the songs shine on their own when you juss focus on the music



# Make No Mistake
By This Lake

Monday, August 6

Let Me Entertain Me

Friday

Squeeze
Beacon Theatre
August 3rd

2007's Squeeze may not be the same exact line-up of yer older sister's late 70s/early 80s Squeeze, but I doubt anyone's losing sleep over Jools Holland's absence, as long as the core duo of Glenn Tilbrook and Chris Difford are the ones carrying the torch. This is their first tour since the '99, which is a good thing for me, cause outside of a few of their hits ('Tempted', 'Mussels From A Shell', & 'Take Me I'm Yours'), I didn't really get into them until a few years ago. And from the 20 or so tunes I now know, Squeeze RAWKINly played half of them, leading me to want to discover all the rest. The setlist was similar to the show they played at the Nokia Theater two nights before, with much bestness abound. And the fans? Well, these 45 year-olds were eatin it up. So much so that I got goosebumps when Squeeze ended the first set with 'Cool For Cats' and when the band left the stage, the entire place was chanting 'Ewwwwwwww Ewwwwww Eww' until they reemerged for the encore

'Goodbye Girl' [d]



if....
if I Loved It, So Will Jew

Being one of the world's fifthmost Clockwork Orange fans, I've endlessly heard that Lindsay Anderson's classic if.... was required viewing. For years I waited for the DVD to be released, and after it finally was, I had to wait another 2 months before Netflix found a copy available to send me. And worth the wait it mos certainly was! Malcolm McDowell's feature film debut as a rousing rebel private school student is required viewing for everyone, even if you hate on ACO. You should also czech out the audio commentary with film critic/historian David Robinson and duhvs course McDowell. Cause one shouldn't go thru life with a bunch of 'what if....s'



Saturday

Sunshine
Shine On You Crazy Boyle
Trailers & Mo

For the first half of Danny 'Mr I Directed The Greatestist Modern Movie of Our Generation' Boyle's epic Sunshine, a run of the general mills sci-fi movie is afoot: an Earthly crew is sent to finish a mission that failed the first time around. Why it failed, no one knows, so what could possibly go wrong on round numero two? But after the always necessary EVA repair scenes pass, the film finishes so strongly that all the passédness that came before simply turns into a thing of the past. This is the movie that Peter Hyams' 2010 wish it could of been, udderly gripping and a sight to be seen. In fact, the only thing that 2010 has on Sunshine is Roy Scheider's pool in his house that dolphins swim in. Take that Boyle!

Space Cadet: Sunshine marks the third collaboration between director Boyle and writer Alex Garland. The others were The Beach and 28 Days Later. None too shabby, and I'm sure the next movie he's writing won't be either. It's a lil project called Halo

Byrne Baby Byrne: is there anyone cute-afyin the silver screen any quiter and butter than Queen Amidala impostor Rose Byrne? If there is, I don't even wanna know about tit


[from the Faptooine files]

John Grisham's Jizzum (aka Verdict): Breast In Show


+ endless hours of Wii tennis


which gave me a sore arm
aka Wiidonitis (soon to be added to WebMD)


+ introducing the gayest movie ever

to a friend not in the know


Sunday

The Bourne Ultimatum
Bourne Again
(wonder if anyone else came up with sum tang that clever)
Trailers & Mo

Although nothing transforms in Bourne 3, I dare you spray that it's not the popcorn pleaser of the summer. If you double dare me back, you knows I'll be taking that effin physical challenge so eat it you jerkface or I'll turn your Marc Summers into the Marc winters of your discontent! Dude, Bourne Ults was outta forkin control. I couldn't stop saying to meself, how the fizzle did they film and edit this pizzle? The action never seemed to stop, even when Edward R. Murrow kept sayin goodnight and good luck and FBI Chief of Behavioral Science Jack Crawford kept pining for Clarice Starling and Julia Stiles made this face for the humpteenth thyme and Daddy Warbucks tried to buck Bourne in the pooper. Shiz may be called Bourne Ultimatum but with its love from below and above, shiz coulda been called Bourne To Rizock The UlTomatoMeterum

Sprinkle Z Deutsch: Daniel Brühl plays the brother of Franka Potente's deceased character Marie. The two German acting dynamos have only been paired up in one movie before, $chlaraffenland

The Grass Is Greener On The Other Side: while Paul Greengrass may be the king of documentary style fictional filmmaking, Barney Greengrass is the king of sturgeon. And regardless of how funny Kevin James is, I will never ever watch an episode of the King of Queens

John Grisham's Jizzum (aka Verdict): Breast In Show


The Police
Giants Stadium (Go Skins!)
August 5th

Ever since I was blown away and I blew myself watching Simon & Garfunkel reunited at MSG, I knew had to see any group that I hearted if they decided to ever reform. The Police were juss such a band, and hispecially so since it seemed like they would never get back together cause Sting is a prick and he's too busy sending his love down a well. Well, the cheeky bastards still gots it, and the show's setlist, which seems to be the same from city to city, is purrrfectly suited for those Greatest Hits only fans like myself. Now I wouldn't hexaggactly say that I was blown away (the Squeeze show was actually better) or ready to blow myself or even Jude Law for that matter (OHHHH Jude Law and your juicy cock!), but I'm still glad I saw the show. Now that this reunion is outta the way, I want a police reunion of a whole different medium: Sgt. Joe Friday and Pep Streebeck. Juss the facts ma'am, and juss watch this vid of Hanks and Akroyd rappin to a tune called 'City of Crime'


I mean, who doesn't love dancing P.A.G.A.N.s?

So, what did you do this past tweakend?


# Let Me Entertain Me

String Cheese Incidental

Thighs Wide Tip O'Neill The Week

when Jimmy gives you a pizza wit nuttin...



microwave it for 10 seconds
and it will taste betterer
than it ever will
comin straight outta the fridge


tip from
the one
the only
El Hofbergo
(which translates to The Hofberg)


# String Cheese Incidental