Thighs Wide Shut

Hollyoaks megababe Emma Rigby

strikes a Linda Blair Exorcist pose

wanna be cool like Shia LeBeef? Then stop gettin lost in yer own museum like Marcus Brody (RIP!!!) and get yer a$$ cast in Indy 4!

Blur to never reunite hit the studio this ROCKTOBER?

Mischa Barton To Star In t.A.T.u Movie. Then I guess her recent appetite for mushrooms was not research for a starring role in a new Super Mario Bros flick

Black Star and Tenacious D finally unite, as Jack Black and Mos Def get wrapped in tin foil

Rocky II, III, IV Decisions Overturned After Stallone Caught With Performance-Enhancing Drugs

the heat is on Windy City Heat, the mos uberbrills Bob Goldthwait related-joint mt EVERest and Kilimanjaro

Kubrick assistant Leon Vitali looks back on 30 years of his eyes not wide shutting

Hollywood Walk of Fame Star Generator [Pakula Shaker Hts]

Google Image Labeler

Howard DJ’s Like A Mad C%nt

Optimash Prime [Kid Kadoji]

Питание в разных странах!!

Strawberry Say No To Drugs tee

Fire thing-a-majig actually works

and Alfonso Ribeiro’s Breakin’ & Poppin’…

[De La Roachclip]

Hot Fuzz
Much Buzz
Trailers

Â

What the world needs now, is love laffs, sweet love laffs. Unfortchenetlee, we cannot count on our New World brethren to help in this effort. Too many weeks go by with some new refarted American comedy being forced into every cineplex odeon across the land. Even the ones that are suppose to be or that are supposedly good, never end up that way, at least in my mind. Den it’s a damn fine thang that the British are having a comedy renaissance and us peeps on this side of the pond are beginning to eat it up. There’s been a huge void ever since Monty Python’s circus flew away (and no, cheeky Hugh Grant flicks don’t count), but spanks to such hotness as Sacha Baron Cohen and Ricky Gervais, these Limeys are here to challenge the poop that the poop factories have been pooping out. While plenty other Brits are making a name for themselves back home, most of them have not yet hit up our radar screens. Gruesome twosome actor/writer Simon Pegg & director/writer Edgar Wright are mere steps away from being blips on our screens to becoming full blown Hollywurst playas like Ricky & Ali G

Pegg & Wright made quite the international splash with their rom-zom-com Shaun of the Dead, and the splash, as well as the laffs are much munch bigger with their hilarious Hollywood action movie send-up, Hot Fuzz. Armed with a lotta guns, a lotta fun, and quite an impressive cast (Jim Broadbent, Timothy Dalton, Paddy Considine, Cato & Pompey Magnus and many many many others!), Pegg & Wright hand in what will arguably be the funniest film of the year. While some dramas run long at 2 hours, most comedies run too too long at 1 hour. Clockin in at 2 hours, Fuzz never loses its buzz at all, spanks in part to the yucks provided by Pegg’s cuddly BFF Nick Frost and the sirprizingly engaging Wicker Manish storyline that keeps this shiz hotter than a Pat O’Brien voicemail message

CameOH Snap!: look out for LOTRingers Cate Blanchett (Pegg’s ex) and Peter Jackson (Santa)

What’s All The ‘Fuzz’ About: Ask Yahoo! hexplains how police got the nickname ‘fuzz’

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Breast In Show•

–

La Doublure (The Valet)
Stuck Somewhere Between Neutral and Reverse
Trailer

Â

While the British are off fighting the war of US comedic dominance, the French are once again basically no help to anyone but themselves. In their native tongue, they excel in romance, occasionally thrillers, but rarely do their comedies, I mean comédies, strike a universal chord with our shallow hearts. Writer/director Francis Veber is king of French comédies, but that might not mean anything to you and me. Well, what if I told you that the Oscar nominated Veber is king when it comes to having his work remade into successful Hollywood fare? Ever hear of The Birdcage, The Toy, The Man with One Red Shoe, Quick Change and/or Three Fugitives? If yer a fan of any of those, and I’m sure yer a fan of multiple of dems, then you have Verber to thank

Verber’s latest, The Valet, sounds great on paper, but as we all know by now, films aren’t made on paper. Hell, most of them aren’t even made on film anymore! The Valet centers around an outta luck shlub (I’ll give you one penny if you can guess his occupation) who, through circumstances and circumcisions not worth getting into, gets mixed up in one rich man’s affair affairs. In order for said rich man to carry on said affair and not have his sugar mommy of a wife find out, the shlub is hired to act as the boyfriend of the affairette. The affairette is a knock-out model, and since he’s a shlub, hijinks should boviously ensue. By the time that ball gets rolling, the film basically ends, leaving us with less chuckles than a bag of Chuckles. Spankfully The Valet is set to be remade by the Bros Farrelly. While they themselves have been hit or miss as of late, it’s still a purty solid bet that their version will utilize the comedic potential far butter than it’s Frenchie older brother

Unsatisfied with this? forget about the laffs and get serious by Netflixing the single greatestest french movie of the past 15 years, Mathieu Kassovitz’s beyond brills La Haine [trailer]

Van HOT Damn!: whilst wees was darn wet between our thighs watchin Virginie Ledoyen on the big screen again, our eyes got even more wettter peering at Alice Taglioni, although unfortch not in NSFW mode this go around

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges•

until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

The Good, The Bad & The Queen
Webster Hall
March 12th
•

[muse sick spy]
It goes without saying that Damon Albarn is an effin musical genius. I take that back, cause I want to make sure everyone knows: Damon Albarn is an effin musical genius. Not only would I bone him, but I would also PHONE him! If only I had his number. But seriously folks, Damon is a grade-A artiste, which is almost as tasty as grade-A beef! Everything he touches turns to critical gold, if not popular culture gold. The sorta-still front man of Blur is actually having more success now with his Traveling Wilburyesque side projects than he did with his ye olde fab foursome, aka the bestest thing to come outta England in the 90s, besides me and a case of Walker’s Salt & Lineker crisps. DA is like the Quentin Tarantino of the music world, digging up luminaries of days past and making them shine again. On the last Gorillaz joint, Neneh Cherry and Ike Turner were given new life and with Damon’s latest project, the band without a name, although everyone calls them The Good, The Bad & The Queen, Clash bassist Paul Simonon and Afrobeat founder Tony Allen get their due over.

As an album TGTB&TQ is a spirited and all around beyond solid effort. As a concert, tits exactly like listening to the album, since the gang play it from song one til song end (+ a B-side & and unfinished ditty), but it is not such a rock and/or rolling affair. Those looking to jump around would probably have to wait another night when the Fab Faux take up residency. TGTB&TQ’s show was more like a performance than a concert, which is purty much how I felt about the Apollo Gorillaz shows last year. One blizzoger said it breast, ‘The crowd was more impressed with who was on stage rather than the music itself.‘ Regardless of the rump shakenlessness and sorta-lameness of the crowd, the show ruled, juss like it’s ringleader. Can’t wait to see what Alban has up his sleeve next go around cause I’ll be there with bells on and cows on and most likely cowbells on!

‘Kingdom of Doom’ [d]

what, you lookin for an album that gives TGTBTQ a run for bestest of 2007? try this on for thighs

‘Young Folks’ [d]

Well, slain and pimple, it wasn’t the show that was snoozy, it was the nominated movies that were were beyond snoozedome. You know it was a bad year for movies when Talladega Nights gets three mentions during the telecast. Sure, The Departed was an entertainin flick, but Bestest Picture of the Year? Maybe bestest Asian foreign remake of the year! Were any of the best pic nominees worthy of that title? In my boooook, there were at least 8 films better than the ones they choose. Hell, I’ll bet The Danish Poet was less of a snoozefest than Little Miss Snoozeshine. OK, so that’s the last peep you’ll hear from me on LMS, cept I muss say kudos to the voters for picking Alan Arkin over Eddier Murphy. If only the same could be said for the supporting ass-stress category, where anyone but winner SINGER Jennifer Hudson was woolworthier! As for Ellen DeFishtaco, well, she was a mighty fine host. I mean, she’s now the single greatestist female host of the Oscars of balls thyme. The previous person to hold that title was no one since Whoppi Goldberg was the only prior female solo host and the world was spankfully reliefed from her comedy years ago

And w/o further Freddy Adu, here are the only things you missed if you missed the 2007 Academy Awards…

Adriana Barraza’s esposo Arnaldo Pipke’s mustache

Nicole Kidman renaming of Dreamgirls

as Dreamgoyurls

these peeps freestylin sounds with their mouths
which in turn
makes Michael Winslow
the #1 choice for the ‘008 edish

& if he’s not available
how bout Rahzel

Click goes winless

which was probs the night’s only sure thing

a MasterCard commeresh

starring an elephant
& Leon Carosi
owner of Malibu Sands Beach Club
from Saved By The Best

Karen totally steppin out on Jim
with Ennio Morricone

next up for EM?
an honorary award at
next year’s Dundies!

thumcredible shadow shiz
with human bodies

but if they were to do the above with their feet
it woulda been a CAMEL TOE!

&

the unibrow of Walt Martin
and
that dude modeling off the green tux from Dreamgoyurls
(no pics available as of now
but somewhere out there
on the interwebs
they does)

never forget the past
like
•the ’05
the ’06
and hispecially Amy Lumet’s cazy-arsed bazongas!!

Puccini for Beginners
Opera…tion Mediocre
Trailers & Mo

What’s got two thumbs and couldn’t really decide which way to point either of them after watching this movie? If you guessed me then yer biggest geniuseses since the creators of ‘Gold Case’! Puccini for Beginners, the simple tale of a not so simple dumped on lesbian turned experimental bisexual, is purty much Kissing Jessica Stein with a far better cast (Weed‘s always thumbcredible Justin Kirk, (sadly) with clothes on Gretchen Mol, and unlikely, yet winning lead Elizabeth Reaser). While both of these films are quite charming and place an importance on being earnest, they’re too much of a trifle to be considered required viewing. These kinds of movies are enjoyable to watch… if you happen to randomly watching Lifetime Television on a weekday afternoon… and also if they happen to star Tiffani (née Amber) Thiessen

Unsatisfied with this?: catch in theaters/Netflix Flannel Pajamas [Trailer & mo] which oddly enuff stars Puccini playas Cpt Kirk & Julianne Nicholson as lovers

Possible Porno Name: Poonanny For Beginners

Apt MPupil3: Blur’s ‘Girls & Boys‘ [d|vid]

Lets Be More Than Friends…ters!: Pucinni bit player and cutie patootie Bridget Moloney‘s Friendster page

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges

until next thyme the balcony is clothed…•