Thighs Wide Shut

My 10 year high school reunion RULED, cause I was the most popular kid EVER and our school ruled and I ruled the school!!!! All my classmutts got to meet, greet, and bow to the newly minted Mr and Mrs Thigh Master of Thighland!! And My Man Marvkus was there and he even wore his special helmet!!!

• NINE minutes of Narnia footage!!! I only allowed myself to watch a minute of it, but this shiz is gonna be the CHRONIC(les) [via CumSoon]

• Borat responds, in video form, to Kazakhstan’s litigation threats against his alter ego [via CNN/Borat Site]

• Who knew that CC the IV was niggled by her knees?

• The Encyclopedia Britannica commercial kid has a blog, with 98% less mandibula [via Data Dizzle]

• Congratulations Hanes, you have finally created some beatoff matz

• Pat Morita proving that man who fish with chopstick can get press in ’67

• The MySpace Legion Of Extraordinary Stupid Hair Super Heroes!

• 2004 was sorta the new 1861

• Cheerioke [via Crude Feet]

• Most dangerous toys

• Macy’s T-Giving Day Parade of ’89, with bonus footage of NBC’s KILLAH Saturday Night Lineup (227, Amen, The Golden Girls and Empty Nest)

• Bid to own Herbie, which may or may not have Lohag butt stains [via The I-Train]

• Shockey, premature jockularity (stolen from Dan Patrick), gif stizz [via Guns n’ Rosenthal]

• Kate, can we be friendsters with privileges?

• And what’s the bestest advantage of having older siblings? Being exposed to things your really shouldn’t be at many a tender ages. One memory of mammories that stands out in my mind is watching Valley Girl at or around the age of 6. I think that was the berry first time that I saw boobs on TV. I don’t remember much else, but from that day forward, I was hooked for life on the things that most men don’t have, but we all love. I think even gay men love boobs. I know the Bloodhound Gang surely do, but who knows if they are gay or not. Anywho, everyone in that movie showed us their boobs, even Tommy Pickles/Pee-Wee’s bike buddy Dottie/the singer in and of Better Off Dead, eggcept for, I believe, the one lil hottie that Nicolas Cage would stop the world for, just for melting: Deborah Foreman [d-lode the Modern English tune for full effect]. I give her props for keeping her clothes on, but I give her POOPS for being one of the flyest lizadies of the his-eighties who basically fell into b-movie helldom and started to look like crusty Charlotte Rampling in Swimming Pool [NSFW]. Why can’t I invents a time machine and bring Ms Foreman, Dirty Woman, Fly Girl, and The Dolenz, in all their former glories, into the now and make them party with me in a giant jacuzzi… kinda like what Uncle Rico dreamt of with his soul mate. But alas, I can’t invents things and can only write about the wrongs my lil prepubescent eyes had seen. BOOOOOOOOOOBS!!! So, ya think you don’t know who Ms Foreman is? Wellski, did I mention that she was the sultry sultan in Real Genius that made me want to own dress shirts so that one day a nakkid chick could wear my dress shirt, NAKED??

Weezer’s recent output has been more run of the mill than this girl I went to elementary school with named Karla Mill, but their videos will always be worth more sweetness than a bottle of Mrs Butterworth’s. Point in case, enlisting Cuthbest (the NHL’s mos flavorite blogger [via UB]) in their latest ‘Perfect Situation’ [stream | d-lode]

btw, my album mock-up was far superior than Lake Superior

• If only Mischa’s publicist knew how famous and influential I was

• And why bother casting Willa Holland as Mischa’s O.C. sis when her real-life microwaved face sib would suffice

• Lohag at NYU could be a bigger bomb than the Manhattan Project, or the John Lithgow HBO staple of the 80s of the same name

• I found another reason to see King Kong, besides being addicted to this Jungle Huntesque game involving Pringles canisters

• David Cronenberg’s twin gynecologists fun fest, Dead Ringers, is set to become the 2nd flick of his to be brought to the small screen (in addition to Dead Zone starring Anthony Michael Hall & Oates). Hopefully he’ll cast the Brothers Polish as the leads, and hopefully eXistenZ won’t be the third flick turned into a TV show.

• Gorillaz: We want Elmer Fudd

• A MUSS do before Dec 23rd: Netflix the BRILLS and Academy Award winning One Day In September… yul spank me for it later

• Bee gone Akeelah

• Orb.com, cause you should never be without the Howard Dean remixes and the porn stashed on yer home computer [via Kelly Green]

• Clinton Portis hearts the Zep

• How the Death Star Works [via UMC]

• Watching all six Star Wars movies simultaneously [via the Double Sex Boaters]

• Never too late to own a piece of history

• Is Geronimo’s skull residing at Yale’s Skull and Bones? Was it stolen from the grave by Prescott Bush?

• More or less Morley Safer, or less safe

• Don’t quit yer day job girl

• And cause you loaf to loathe her, and I’m juss plain sick of her and her sorta cow-like features, this will be the very last pic of CC the IV as HRT that u ever did see.

Hipsters and Fannings, some say mos un-scariest Halloween since H20…

• The first images from Young Hannibal have been unearthed. By the looks of it, and the dude that be playing Dr Lecter, they shoulda saved their money and juss re-released Crispin Glover’s Willard with the name ‘Thomas Harris’ somewhere on the poster.

• December 5th is too far away, so will someone steal the masters to The Archdukes cover of Air’s ‘Sexy Boy’ and put it in a place we can all find it, LIKE THE INTERNETS? And if yer not eggcited by this prospect, you snobviously don’t know yer pseudo-gay French electronic hotness from yer pseudo-gay Hungarian goulash notness. D-lode the original here and lets move on with our lives.

• In the dark about this whole Plame Game? Norm does us a flavor and posted a vid of 60 Minutes‘ expose on the subject, juss in case yer an unedjewmactaed person who doesn’t watch CBS after fooball. Anywho, please do not let Ed Bradley’s earring distract you from the truth

• And as an added bonus, ask Andy Rooney a question. I double dog dare you!

• HBO ensures that I won’t be canceling my subscription for years to come… well, at least until they announce a 12th year of The Sopranos where each episode revolves around a character watching TV. Oh wait, that’s what happened on every ep last season. [via The Kiddie Fiddler]

• Listen yerself a listen to Jarvis and Co’s ‘This Is the Night’ jounks from the Harry Pothead And The Goblet Of Fire sdtrk. What rockin tunes you got Chronic of Narnia, some Christian crud like 12 Stones?

• Speaking of sdtrks, Meg White’s solo work for Bob Odenkirk’s latest will probably end up in more bargain bins than Temple of the Dog. I’m going hungrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreeee!!

• Which enlistment would be more torturous, the Iraqi Army or Lindsay Lohan’s I-Squad? Either way, you may have to give up your life for the sake of the team. Cause their is no ‘nip-slip’ in ‘team’

• Probably the mos genius Apple ][+ Grandaddy music video you’ve never did see [via TOSQS]

• Refarted GoogleVideo fun: the dance of Yoda, silly Asians, and Kirk Cameron on Christ [via Cefle, Shady Harry’s Son, and Socialighter]

• This, that, and these other thangs

• 7 Pink Panther/Sweet’n Low recipes I hope no one ever serves

• Bid on Vincent Gallo’s Sperm [via ONTD]

• And did I tell y’all that I finally cast the three leads in my first of 29 films co-produced by Amblin Entertainment? Say hello to the silver screen’s mos classy and sexiest ninja hooker water polo-playin socialist trio of assassins from Bosnia-Herzegovina, your wet cream dream team, Charlie’s Angles