Tag Archives: Lindsay Lohan

Take A SwimIn My Oscar Pool

oscar de la sucksa

– So I opens my annual Oscar Pool to the public and only 11 of yous signed up? That’s mandy moore PATHETIC than Stallone in Oscar!!! Shiz is this Sunday and you better enter or else. CLICK HERE, make yo picks, join the ‘Thighs R Us’ group with password ‘cuthbert’, and send me $10!!! Winner spanks all. Truss me, it’s fun and you aint gonna beat me.

– Real-life OC porkers, Adam Brodes & Rachel Bill$ have been pleading with the show’s writers to keep their characters apart. Then what’s the point of even having the Summer character? And btw, who lives in her house? Seems like anyone can juss walk into her room unannounced. And if u didn’t see it, The Sports Guy compares the first two seasons of The OC to 90210.

– Even Obi-Wan loathed Episode II.

– Halle Berry to attend the Razzies?

– Tony Kornheiser comes up with the single greatest reason why Laveranues Coles should leave DC: so his computer’s spellcheck won’t stop every time at his first name. And don’t forget, T-K Stack Money and Wilbon will be appearing on Letterman this Thurs and then the deadly combo of Ricky Gervais and Rachael Ray on Fries. Thanks to Spence for the following…

not even paula abdul could corey-o-graph something this goo

– The modern-day KITT?

– Who’s the latest and greeeediest Lohan of them all? Gran-ma-ma Lohan.

– Peace the FORK out to punter extraordinaire Reginald Roby & mummy-loving terrorist Navi Araz. This gif’s for both of yous…

bless u laing sack of shit for creating this!!

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Thighs Wide Movies 2004

Top Tenners
But We Go To Heleven

sea it and u'll know twat i'm talkin bout

1) The Sea Inside
2) Hotel Rwanda
3) Million $$$ Baby
4) Closer
5) The Woodsman
6) Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
7) Vera Drake
8) Napoleon Dynamite
9) Dig!
10) The Incredibles
11) Mayor of Sunsetstrip

Honorable Mentions: Harry Pots 3, Spidey 2, Ray, Kinsey, Mean Girls, Finding Neverland, Collateral, Valentin

1st Annual Thighs Wide
Movie Awards

They Coulda Been A Contender

peace the fork out big daddy

A Very Long Engagement &
The Life Aquatic With Steve Zissou

How Is It Possible
That They Were Entertaining?

high on schmaltz and entertainment

The Terminal & I, Robot

The Julia Roberts
Please Stop Acting Award

why do u look so sirprized double V?

Reese Witherspoon &
Vince Vaughn

Best Tween Movie Not Starring
Lindsay Lohan or Hilary Duff

sleepover, more like careersareover

none

Biggest Tainting/Dicktease
On The Kingdom of Thighland

it was love at first tight

The Girl Next Door

Bestestist Dakota Fanning Movie

the mos bankable star

Man On Fire

Bestestist Movie Featuring
Dakota Fanning’s Lil Sis Elle

phew, i thought once dakota hit puberty, we'd have no more bankable stars

The Door In The Floor

The Samuel L Jackson Award
For Most Overused Actor (tie)

but these guys aint got nuttin on Mace Windex

Don Cheadle & Jude Law,
with 6 movies each

Narliest Soundtrack

The Duke Blue Devils Most Overhyped
Wine Drinking Movie Award

get it, sideways?

Sideways

The Gus van Sant
Most Pretentious/Wurstest Movie
Co-Starring Method Man
of the Year Award

this license plate has more of a plot than the movie

Garden Stale

Most Overlooked Movies of 2004 That Were
In Theaters 8 Seconds Longer Than 8 Seconds

also the amt of time it takes me to spunk all over cuthbert when she walks into a room

We Don’t Live Here Anymore
Dig!
Code 46

The Emma Watson Future-Hotness Award

what's wrong with me?

Emily Browning

Best Movies I Netlixed

any movie with penciled in staches and men wearing hooters outfits are bona fide gold in my book

Zardoz
Ali G Indahouse
THX 1138
Star 80
Harold and Maude
In This World &
Day for Night

Sweetest Napoleon Dynamite Line

he can also chuck beef farther than anyone i know

How much you wanna make
a bet I can throw a football
over them mountains?

– Uncle Rico

M Night Shamalamadingdong’s
BratWurstest Twist of The Year

what does the 'm' stand for?  m-sucks?

conning $114,195,633 out
of the American public

The Death to Smoochy Award
for Worstest Picture
of the Year (tie)

this award may be renamed next year cause of the awfulness that is 'beyond the sea'

Beyond The Sea/Watchable
Van Helsucks
The Stepford Wives &
HellBoo

Movies To Look For in 2005

lick my choda X-Box, this is the real deal!

I, Gyromite
Super-Giraffe: The Movie
4 Fast, 4 Furious
Sky Captain vs The Day After Tomorrow
The Life Auto With Joe Isuzu
Nailing The Girl Next Door In The Floor


Check out what we thought of stuff in 2003 & 2002, pre TWS.org stizz.

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I Guess That’sWhy They Call ItThe Behrooz

a gif, from me to you

– Newly single Katie Holmes coming to a Thigh Master near you? So sayeth The Fid Diddler.

Rodney Roo prefers to donkey doo doo his Portia De Rossi all over his Bob Fosses. Be that as it may, it doesn’t even f$%king compare to the amount of flunitrazepam I gave Cito Gaston last night, just to get a taste of his hot Toronto Blue Jay? So sayeth the Peabs!

– Speaking of, what do Portia de Rossi and Drea de Matteo have in common besides having a ‘de’ in between their names? They both enjoy sipping from the furry cup.

– Her Former Royal Thighness, LL, is such a doll. And now, a real doll, complete with a beige dress with faux-fur-trimmed coat, a director’s chair, and a velvet rope. Perhaps if the doll becomes a success, they’ll release a ‘bad girl’ edition complete with g-string, nip-slip dress, and a bottle of Jim. [via Trent Lotts]

– Franz Ferdinand: THE SODA!

Where’s your head at Astralwerks?

– Handsome Boy Modeling School hit the road.

– From the looks of this pic, I bet Mark McRoidsinthebuttviaCanseco can bench at least a 135. [via Guns n Rosenthal]

– Seriously, how did Oasis sell out MSG? Did Liam buy 2,445 tickets for his ego and 1 for his unibrow?

– Paris Hilton has so many tough choices to make.

– Bid on Damon Albarn’s 12-piece sofa.

– IU rules. Take part in their Condom Fit & Feel Study.

– A six-legged frog has been found at a restaurant in China. Take a lick.

– While this bottom spot is usually dedicated to HRT the II, I decided to give her the day off so her boobs can grow ever larger! But I also wanted to give some love to a possible heir to the thrown, Nancy O’Brills. I mean, she already possesses two qualities that makes yer humble mumbler squeeze with ease: she’s blonde AND doesn’t fear rocking the side-boobage in public places. The following pic was from the SAG Awards. And honey, if you need help with the sagging, I’ll be yer Dildo Baggins.

a least getty didnt cover up her side boobage

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Untitled #1

I would have liked to start off today’s thingieamabob with a pic of Marissa smooching Alex from last noche’s The O.C., but A) after all this build up (read: dick teaseapalooza), the kiss was just a kiss and B) the losers who normally post screencaps of the show are being lazy. Anywho, next week’s show looks hottier than Catherine-Zeta-Jones-McDonald-Douglas eating herself out on Mercury. If I were as flylicious as Kirsten Cohen, I’d also call the Feds on my husband’s ex-lover. YOU GO GIRL!!!

fancy a ROWAN the hay?

– While Strangers With Candy is the mooovie I’m looking fwd to the mostest this year, the forthcoming album that’s making me jizz from the mouth in anticipation is the Gorillaz’ next jounks. And my mouth will continue to spew semen cause I juss heard the newest track ‘Dirty Harry’ posted by THE MAN, no not Tony Almeida, Stereohotness. What’s even butter, is that that track features bits from the brills ‘I Need A Gun‘, off of Damon Albarn’s limited released solo album Democrazy, which he recorded in hotels whilst on tour last ano.

– Debbie Gibson has gotten such a bum rap over the years. And after looking at this NSFW pic, I’d love to rap her bum for the years to cum. [via Trent Lotts]

– Q: What’s the greatestest news investigation series by a local TV station of the 2000s? A: This one set up by KCTV to lure pedophiles to a house where they think they’re meeting up with 14-year-old fresh meat, but instead are greeted by the news crew. Now that’s what we call Perverted Justice! [major big ups to Mr Blagg for that]

– Her Former Royal Thighness made a return trip to the hospital complaining of chest pains. Poor girl, I guess she didn’t know that getting tittybanging by a different 28+-year-old each night is not good for the mammies.

– I guess Jacko won’t be dreaming a little dream or standing by Corey Feldman for much longer. Does that make CF one of the lost boys?

– I’ve always wanted to attend Church. And by ‘attend’ I mean see what her vocal chords are jason capel-able of handling. And by that, I mean, ‘Shove My Cock Down Your Thrizz‘.

– What’s booer than boo-urns? The bastardages who moved the intimate April Fiery Furnaces show from the Bowery B-rules to Webster Hall. I guess that means I’ll probably fall asleep, again. Man, I wish I was single again.

– Hitler still receives fan mail… even 60 years after dying. Speaking of Der Jerka$$, what ever happened to the rest of his familia?


all ex-porno stars with porno staches?

– Kite festivals can and WILL kill! [via Big Daddy Rich]

Who coined the phrase, “to coin a phrase”?

– Why does TMNT Porn eggsist? I mean this is almost as risgusting as the stuff I work with! [NSFWness via The DW Griffins]

– Were you sick of my pal Navi/The I-Train’s links and love of Duke basketball? Well, dude finally gots himself his own blog to post his haste. Beware, he’s a newbie and there are no pictures up as of yet. You’ve been warned. G-luck Potomac’s flavorite son.

– The internerd moves fast. Case in point: there’s already a pseudo-half-arsed-sequel to that fat Dutch kid rocking out to Romanian techno. [via Zach de la Roachclip]

– Can yous bee leave that the top prize in this weekend’s Grilled-Cheese eating contest is only $3.5 K? That won’t even begin to cover the champs’ Pebto and therapy sessions. [via The Brawny One]

France sucks, and their people are hella lame.

– You’ll never be alone again with IntelliBuddy

Felt Donuts

The Cursor Thief

– Yer Thighness, this yer last warning (mos certainly not yer last spanking), but if you go out in public again looking like a Kabuki theater player, I may have to dump you for good (although I will still take dumps on you cause I know you likes it!).

there may be no kissing and makeing-up with that make-up

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The 2000 Flushes Toilet Bowl

Wooahdeehoodeehow kids!! What a semi-effin-boring Super Bowl that was, eh? Well, I’m mainly saying that cause I was in Motown Philly and was pulling for dem Eagles hard. And with the loss, there wasn’t one riot or lootingage to join in on. FORKsticks!! I really needed a new TV too! It was probably a good thing since I was in a mighty food coma thanks to my famous 7-layer dip. Anywho, I’ll have a full pictorial of my cheesesteak pilmigrage tomorrow or Whizday, so stay tuned. In the meantime, here’s the crap…

– Peter Gallagher/Sandy Cohen better get his act together, cause another Gallagher is taking a stab at acting… and this one is the real king of eyebrows.

yoowzer yowzer u 2 eyebrowsers


– This whole Lohan thing has gettin out of hand. OK, maybe not as much as it did before, but purty darn close. I mean, being cast to play Meryl Streep’s daughter in a Robert Altman movie based on some Garrison Keillor jounks? WTF?

– The Gorillaz & Coldplay’s forthcoming LPs will not be released until after Marzo 31st cause EMI blows. At least they’re paying their employees for the next two weeks, unlike a company I know.

– It’s so UNphair that Liz finally lets us see her boobage. [via ProductNYCer]

– Marissa/Mischa/Mischka’s lesbian storyline only to last ‘five or six episodes‘. BOOOOOOOO! At least DJ’s back to mowing someone else’s lawn.

– Jurassic 5 & Black Crowes are Bonnaroo bound.

– No word on a release date yet, but Twin Peaks season 2 DVDs will contain brand spankin new video transfers. And by spankin, I mean to the thought of Mädchen Amick serving up some of her pie.

– Carnie Wilson, fat once again.

Female Soldier Demoted For Mud Wrestling [via Fleaski]

– Japanese homeless men get free HJs by women who love dirt! [via Guns n Rosenthal]

Man Spends £3K on KitKats

My Spidunkadunk Makes Your Vagina Look Like Phil Donahue!

Wurstest Animated Spock w/Sideburns Gif That Will Destroy Your Eyes [via Golden DisSpencer]

– Her Royal Thighness the II’s, aka dElishious Cuthbert, next project will be The Itty Bitty Titty Committee. I cant bee leave for a second that she’s actually on that committee, and not on they’re rivals’, The Super Luscious Cockteasing Backsideriffic Committee. And I love how I don’t even need to do any Cuthy pic sleuthing anymore, they juss cum to me, via such makers and pushers of hotty hotness like Tony & Tr3nt! Kisses on all yer all’s pink parts.

she's making a fist so she can anal rape me like i was a japanese homeless man

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