Thighs Wide Shut

•Daniel Johnston
Bang on a Can All-Stars
Legendary Stardust Cowboy
Highline Festival
Highline Ballroom
May 17th

I knew that last night was going to be like no other. It didn’t hurt that it started with David Byrne walking into the same E subway car as me and ended with David Bowie walking right by me as he made his exit from the wonderful new Highline Ballroom venue. As for what transpired in between? Well, if yer one of those people who have to ask, do you call this music? like I did for the first two acts, then you and I were in for a night of a thousand headaches. And by headaches I mean a a triple bill that’s more queer than a three dollar bill, including and limited to a warbling psychobilly cowboy who may have been the name inspiration for Ziggy Stardust, a gaggle of musicians who redefine the word ‘cacophony’ with every single note they poot, and a bipolar pregnant male who may be the bestest and oddest music genius since Brian Wilson

Headahces and earaches aside, that BPM (bipolar preggers male), Daniel Johnston, was the sole reason for my appearance, more out of curiosity than for gettin my rocks off. While I’ll admit that I’m no long time listener, I will now and forever be a lifelong fan of Daniel J’s. To appreciate his music, which is a lot to ask of anyone, you really need to appreciate Daniel and his thumcredible life story. And there’s no better way to get yer learnin’ on than by watching one of the greatestist music docs of all thyme and our pick of Bestest Moooooovie of ’06

Daniel’s set was short, but it was mos certainly sweet. It was more like an experience than a concert, but one worth experiencing for any new or old comer, cept for my gal pal K-Dawg who said that ‘If Daniel Johnston were playing on the street for change, I wouldn’t give him any.‘ Ouch, but at least she was write on about Bang On A Can, who ‘sounded like a middle school orchestra warming up, only they never actually performed– just warmed up.‘

•DJ image, more of dem and review of that show and the Warsaw gig over at Vooklyn Bregan

Jarvis Cocker
Webster Hall
April 23rd

Jarvis Cocker may not be the voice of a generation, but if I had to choose one voice to rule them all, for everything from books on tape to subway PA announcements, he would mos def shirley be the one. I am serious, and stop calling me Mos Def!! I don’t remember when I became smitten with JC and his former fellow cohorts of Pulp, but the smittens have never been liftedens from my body, my self. Well, 28ish years in, JC finally got around to releasing a proper solo album. And the results are purty much the same amazingness that he had achieved with Pulp. That’s why his ‘solo’ show, complete with a 4 man band, totally rocked the hizzle and the kizzle and the flizz nizzle. Honestly, I’ve never seen a singer on stage without an instrument be more entertaining than Jarvis. Not only is his wit wisdom, but the brother was born to hand jive, baby. The only thing missing from the beyond bestness fest was him mooning Michael Jackson, like it was ’96. Well that, and any trace of Pulp songs. And that’s why the evening was even mo special. He owned Webster Hall without leaning on his back catalog. So if he ever changes his mind, and reunites the boys and girls, I will pay top dollar to see them, and so should you

Lobster Misc

Snusic Mobbery’s gots last nite’s setlist and leg humpin details!

Jarvis purchased the kiddie book This Is Hardcore New York for his lil son Albert

if you were there and waz wonderin what happened to J’s Corona bottle, interweb no further!

a solid review and pics from Sunday’s show

‘Black Magic’ [d]

[rsgsgguskind]
For butter or for wurst, Coney Island is changing. Astroland opened its amusement park for it’s last season ever yesterday, before some jerko co named Thor Equities turns it and a bunch of other bits of the CI into a year round Times Square on the Beach, complete with hotels, condos, and other things mondo (be sure to czech out these banana plans for redevelopment here). However, the famed and muss ride before you die coaster The Cyclone will live on. Same goes for the Wonder Wheel, although who knows what will become of the rest of Deno’s park, Shoot The Freak, or the horrid eateries that reside on the boardwalk. Some shiz is already gone. I almost cried AND died when I saw this

[classsssicgirrrrl]
Since the future’s picture is so darn cloudy, I’m having a hard time forming an opinion. Like Michael Scott, I see this as a lose/lose, win/lose, compromise, win/win, and win/win/win [from episode ‘Conflict Resolution’ + vid bonus]. Boviously, when old things get torn down, and bits of history become history, it can’t be a good thing. However, lettuce be honest here folks, it’s not like all of these spots are worth saving. Coney Island has been kickin it as a destination for fun since the mid to late 1800s (that’s 19th century for you history buffs!), and hit it’s peak in the ’40s

But most of that ancient goodness has already disappeared. The things most worth saving are still and will be around for generations to come. And besides the Wonder Wheel & the Cyclone, every other ride is a bunch of unfun crap from the 60s on. While Astroland’s dumpiness certainly adds ‘charm’ to the area, I can’t say that I’ll really miss it when it’s gone. Then again, who knows what they’ll be replacing it with, but I hope for the best, as I prepare for the wurst. So before anything drastically changes for good, I’ll be Coney Island/Stillwell Avenue bound and gagged as many times as times allow. See you there for the Nathan’s diarrhea, the world’s bestest coaster, or maybe even for the sloppiest-jaloopiest boobies!

Stay on top of the hot CI action by czeching out Save Coney Island• & Kinetic Carnival early and often!

Andy Rooney deconstructs the Girl Scout Cookie

cause ‘girls are pretty good businessmen‘. Andrew, these days, the girls liked to be called ‘businessbitches’

Raconteurs, Glasgow’s ABC 3/21/06, d-lodlicous

Gorillaz to quit by Christmas? Cause who’d dare ruin (C)Hanukkah? Maybe the only splittin’ they doin is like the Bananas

B sure to mark November 3rd down on yer Anne Geddes calendars, cause The Santa Clause 3, Flushed Away, and Borat battle for box office bourne supremacy. Here’s hoping everyone’s flavorite Kazakhstani flushes away the (in)competition

Peace the fork out Buck-O, Lacostly guy, and Richard Fleischer, director of Conan, stuff, and Soylent Green… mmm, soylent green

Nadine Coyle going solo? Who?

Trent Reznor is more gay than Rudy

What planet does Samuel L hail from? I thought it was Haruun Kal, but it lookin mo like the animal planet. First we gets Snakes On a Plane, and next, Farce of the Penguins

Spreaking de deutsche of, guess we can cross Mace Windex off for next Friday [Passout]

Adam Morrison’s Five Stages of Grief

Must Love Jaws

‘Karma In The Life’ Beatles vs Radiohead [d vis PBliss]

The 2006 Tribeca Film Fest’s line-up has been unleashed. Passess are already on sale, with single tix for Amex peeps begin on the 8th. More ticketing details here.

After a qwik look schedule, here be things I’d like to viddy well:
-Michael Winterbottom’s The Road To Guantanamo
-the rise and fall of the NY Cosmos, Once in a Lifetime
–Colour Me Kubrick
-Sydney Pollack’ Sketches of Frank Gehry
–Clarissa directs it all
-Richard E. Grant’s Wah-Wah
-Rosie Perez can‘t jump co-direct?
-Jeff Garlin’s I Want Someone to Eat Cheese With
–Jonestown: The Life and Death of Peoples Temple
-Bruce McCulloch’s Comeback Season
–Vinny Chase’s short film (no word if Siagon did the score or not)
–something with the hotness that is Catalina Sandino Moreno

How dare someone outbid me on an autographed Jim Larranaga bidness card

every single Jennifer Connelly nude scene known to man + a$$ 2 a$$ [NSFW]

Anyone else miss hot-arsed Chloë, circa 1995?

Not even her NSFW ass of today can make her fappable

Mike Wallace wanted to do Pat Nixon

Muzak to get ya to holla for Lolla:
-‘Crazy’ by Gnarls Barkley [d or Prince mash-up]
-‘Bongo Bong’ by Manu Chao [d]
-‘Oh Yeah’ by The Subways [d]
-‘Mary Ann’ by Manishevitz [d]
-‘Hello Drama’ by What Made Milwaukee Famous [d]

Skeletor ass rapes Britney Spears statue! How PRO-LIFEic [NSFW?]

Who knew that Stephen Stucker was dead. Wait, who’s Stephen Stucker? Did he f@#k Nadine Coyle? Who? And what did Horton hear?

Community Shelter Planning, starring Gene Hackman [PCL Dumps]

A (Not So) Complete History of Band Tattoos

Philippine Basketball Association’s teams [Cheez WizzzNutzzz]

Classic Trailers, hincluding a bunch of ‘cockian ones [VaGinaM]

The Big Labowski

Two More Playboy Cartoonists

Operation McFly

unaired Wonder Showzen pilot

side boobs pressed against other side boobs = Lucy Pinder + 1

Hate the whole ‘ladies first philosophy? Like everything else, blame the Jews [AskY]

Meat Dishes Men Like

A Bluegrass Tribute to Air

Phat Girlz screeningz

Sacred Destinations, for you, me, and comic book characters, regardless of their religious affiliation. Whaaaaaaaaa, The Thing/Benjamin Jacob Grimm was Jewish?

(sorry about all the Jew stuff today, but maybe I’m juss a lil vexed about ABC ditchin the Heston version of The Ten Commandments for the brand spankin new Dougray Scott one)

Made of Brawn-steen (aka The Brickhouse aka the Thighther in Law) placed 8th at the Corned Beef and Cabbage Competition. Next stop, after the toilet, eating his own hand

ABC News hearts up-to date vagina

We hearts Jenny McCarthy’s nekkid sister Amy [NSFW]

and Diana’s penchant for guinea pigs

and unknown Hilton cousin Farrah Aldjufrie too

Get AYDS [My Man Marvkus]

Mountain Dew Fisting [NSFW vis Ef Everytang]

And we gots ourshelfs yet another candidate for the next The Kid, but will this one be able to pass all three of the challenges: 1st, the breath of Gawd. Only the penitent man will pass. 2nd, the word of Gawd, only in the footsteps of Gawd will he proceed. 3rd, the path of Gawd, only in the leap from the lion’s head, eating corn, will he prove his worth. Good luck, and remember, choose wisely

V For Vendetta
Not Much To Remember Remember
View Trailer

Nice try film peoples, but the only anarchy on display here is the bloated screenplay with all its half-cocked ideas that labors on and on for what seems like 47238432 November 5ths. High on style, and what seems like itself, there aint nuttin much to behold but a house of potential, built solely with balsa wood. It’s not a total wash out, I mean, dude, Natalie Portman taking a nap on a pile of poo larger than this woman’s [NSFW] for 7 hours would still be worth watching beating off to, but then again, anytime a review of ours turns into a bunch of picture pages (like Van Hell Suck/Hellboo), it aint bound for glory, or bound like Gina Gershon and Jennifer Tilly either. So without much further Freddy Adu about nothing, wait for the DVD/Blu-Ray/PSP/HD-DVD/VD, and in the meantime (no, not the Helmet album), do the math, cause we’re not Asianified enuff to come up with something that equals $10 well spent, but wees’will stills give it a try…

V 4 Vending =

every third idea from 1984
and even the creative flip-flop casting
of John Hurt
as Big Brother
or is
it

the dude who’s waiting for the worms?

+

Jack White’s
whorerific van Dyck
experimentalpatient

+

the fury of the filth
and the filth of the fury
not including filthy
Colin Firth’s Furby collection

+

more unsuccessful masked adaptations

+

Stephen Rea
doing that Stephen Rea
I’m a cop, you idiot thing
but not in the Schwarzenegger way [d-lode]

+

those Matrix subway platforms
that made me wanna take the first train
to I’m leaving the theaterville

+

bangable bald chicks
that Bald Bull
hasn’t already banged

+

the art collection from DH‘s opening credits

+

the real man in black
not sum guy Joaquin Phoenix
sorta played in a movie
that everyone thinks weigh too highly of

+

Portman in the jail bait form we all know
and claim not to make love to

+

the opposite coolness of shooting
in an empty London
like they did in 28 Days Later

+

the mise en scene of
all things visual Franz Ferdinand

+

the real Anakin Skywalker
Sebastian Shaw
not
zebastard Hayden Chritisiaianianson

+

flubvs course

the real V

Recommended for those who like: Fry’s nose, Portman’s mole, and those who don’t care for Florence Henderson’s b-day suit [NSFW]

Possible Porno Name: V For Vaginal Beast Inspection (which I’m sure will one day become a hentai [NSFW])

Unsatisfied with this? Netflix any of the above mentioned moviezz, or the only goo Alan Moore book to movie conversion, From Hell… btw, where the fork is the berry talented Hughes’ bros next jazzle?

Apt MPupil3: ‘1984’ by David Bowie [d-lode]

€16.30 Well Spent: Guy Fawkes hat, black felt

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges. Aight, so it’s kinda sorta entertainin’, but tsk-tsk, and a tsk-it, a triscuit, a steve trachsel, for this shoulda been Breast In Show no diggty doubt using a be-dazzler. I’m still perplexed and mad vexed with all this over ripe tomatoing. Guess they were juss happy it wasn’t Matrix IV: Convolutions