Q: What’s Another Word For Pirate Treasure? A: Booty
10. Jul, 2006 
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Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest
I Was Saying Buoy-Urns
Trailers
Memo to Hollywurst:
Please stop excreting on all things succeeding, like a kick from Nate Kaeding, and the once promising Pirates franchise that’s now more fleeting than playing Yes & Know’s Fleet in a Fleet Bank during Fleet Week. Sequels should be banned in all 48 continental states unless it’s really worth continuing the story, or at least what we in the industry like to call ‘entertaining’. Are we a better species for having such rehash poo on a stick in eggsistance as The Legend of Zorro, Bring It On Again, Son of the Mask, 7 Fast, 7 Furious (although I’m still dying to see 3 Fast, 3 Furious), and Even Crazier/Even More Beautifullerier? Me thinks don’t so! We can now safely add Pirates 2 to the don’t waste your mime and toney list. Waste it instead on Darfur, or it’s worthy sequel, Darfur 2: Darfur On The Rocks. What more can I say about a sequel that’s juss one giant bag of blah? I dunno, but maybe we can do one of those funny math review thingies I pull out every once in awhile…
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest =
The Curse of the Black Pearl
aka the super fun movie based
off a ride that no one ever rode
–
its Good Humor
dat has been replaced with no humor
+
Star Wars‘s’es
slimy bizatches
aka
Quarren
or
‘Squid Heads’
+
1/14th of the Pride & Prejudice cast
but sadly no Mulligan
+
more generic seamen
than a McAllister family reunion
+
Double Dare‘s
1 Ton Human Hamster Wheel obstacle
+
the deleted scened octopus
from the Goonies
that even ate Cyndi Lauper
+
big bad voodoo (daddy) advice
from Miss Cleo‘s ancestors
+
all the underwater Final Fantasy baddies
that made me lose sleep in my teens
+
Stellan Skarsgård
but not Peter Sarsgaard
+
all you can eat seafood
that’s more rancid than the band Rancid
+
Micky Dolenz’sz pal’s
locker (bee, scotland)
+
(what pretty much
sums up the whole movie)
The Nothing
from Die Unendliche Geschichte
Possible Porno Name: Butt Pirates Care To Be On: My A$$, But They Leave The Semen On My Chest
John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): I’m probably being too harsh, but you muss not fall victim, so, Slit Your Eyes Out Repoopulous
until next time, the balcony is clothed…
