Thighs Wide Shut

No doubttle that Sharalovely was gonna top Russian Forbes‘ Richiest list, but who knew that Ivan Stroganoffallovermyleg and Whobitzor Kockoff pocketed such mad rubles? Now how bout a random snapple of Miranda hOtto…

• Probably the breastest drama Lohag will ever star in

• Watch the trailer for Leaf Phoenix’s Walk The Line

• Falkor’s sister slips nip [NSFW]

• I wonder if Eleanor lost Andy is a twisted sex bet with Alex?

• Thank heaven for the Heaven 17 reunion

• Yawning celebrities

• Life juss become a whole lot pointlesserthanzero: The Egg and Muffin toaser

• The Trainspotting tour, NSFW Kelly MacDonald horse riding not included

• Former Miss Newfoundland & Labrador Titleholders Sherylynn Butt

• And are the bootleg Engrish Revenge of the Sith subtitles the new bootleg Engrish Two Towers subtitles? [via Dr Falada]

• Coachella set times are posted. Note to those going: The Fiery Furnaces are playing outdoors and not in a smelly tent so you have no eggscuse snot to peep them and their lovely lovelyness.

• I wonder what Dawson and Pacey think of this???#@?! Well, the peep-holes hath spoken.

• LOHAN ACCUSED OF SURGICALLY ENHANCING LIPS

• Lettuce all pray (you too womensz) that Alba changes her stance about nudity when Sin City 2 & 3 get going.

• Ricky G’s Extras has been picked up stateside by The BO! [via Zeit]

• Steve Hartman’s yard sale

• Anyone else miss ‘the early days of Paige Six: posting smutty pictures‘?

• Free passes in various cities for Cinderella Man

• Gov’mint trying again with the dollar coin. Boo-urns to that! At least they realized that no one wants a woman on our coins. Sorry bizatches, but tits true!!

• Bid on Lunch with Paul Simon and Chevy Chase at Gramercy Tavern. And maybe you can call them (p)Al. [via The Gum]

• Ladies of Star Trek [via Gorilla Masq]

• The Big Easel

• Louis Armstrong’s ‘Oops, I Did It Again’ [via Itz Richy]

• Zoo Wants Chimp To Stop Smoking

• Bestest Coz quote of ’05: “Yooooooouuuu seeeeee, me Dizzzzeee think that this is a flazzication of numerous tumorous flizzumations! And your association with the assassination of Haitian nations is both bozzle worthy and flozzum and jetsum like George Jetson!!! Theoooooo!!!“

• Some People juss have no taste. Julia Oral Roberts as yer cover girl? What the fork has she dunn all year? Spankfully not act in movies. MONA LISA SNOREZZzzz!! Wellie, they at least gots some of dem right, but here’s my list of the Top 50 Mos Hottiestest People (in pardickular order): Jude Law, Peabs & Coz, Mandy & Dinty Moore, Alba, Falkor & his sister Mischa, Joe Gibbs, Gabrielle Union, Clive Owen, Uncle Ben, Miranda Otto, Ziyi Zhang Ziyi, Wink Martindale, Rachael Ray, Charlton Heston, Jane Jetson, Tom Welling, Lukas Haas, Brande Roderick, Diego Luna, John Stossel’s mustache, my mum & dad, Camilla Belle, Pat O’Brien, Monica Blue-cheese [NSFW], Eleanor and Matt Friedberger (the real FFs), Keira ‘I spank of u’ Knightley, Martin Freeman, Natalie Portwoman, Brad from ‘Hey Dude’, Peter/Liam/Noel Gallagher’s eyebrows (all count as one person), Marcia Cross, Numa Numa dude, Mayor McCheese, Judge Reinhold, Devon ‘The Owl’ Aoki, Ignatius J. Reilly, Kate Boosworth & Orlando Boo, Tippi Hedren, the Utz girl, Neil Diamond, the Kid, Jessica Fletcher, Eric Thomann, that foxy Maid Marion from Disney’s Robin Hood, and duhvs course, yer Royalistic King & Queen of Thighland…

[more pics here]

When CTU super agent Jack Bauer had his back against the wall, and with his chronic heavy breathing problem reaching new heights, who did you think he called? Well, I was hoping and praying he really needed his daughter to wear a tight white shirt and run thru a car wash…

– World’s mos boringest couple calls it quits. They were afraid their kids would be too purty and bad at acting.

– Rhys Ifans, the coolest man with the cooliestest name, denied himself the pleasure to wife swap with Jude & Sadie. I bet he rejected their advances cause he wanted to sleep with Law, not Frost.

– Jennifer Garner Fed-Up With Pressure Look Beautiful. I feel her pain, considering that she really isn’t beautiful to begin with.

– Owen Wilson to grow a beard to shed the ‘stoner’ label he often gets. Yeah, good luck with that. Maybe you should help Wes Anderson on his next script to help shed the disappointment that was Steve Zissou.

– Jamiroquai to release a new album and tour in the ’05. I guess they didn’t make the Coachella line-up cause either they aren’t written about in Spin or are from the 80s.

– Sorry I’m days late on this, but merry belated peace the fork outing to

Architect Philip Johnson. The dude knew buildings, and how to kick some major glass.

– Tickets for the two Fiery Furnabests shows are already on sale. See you at the Bowery one. I’ll be the one drooling in front of the stage. [via B-Veg]

– Mind you, F.U.B.A.R. may lose its name and webmaster, but that doesn’t mean this shit is dunn like Warrick. Stay tuned.

– Since this site has been pretty much Lohan free for the past few months, yer more then welcome to head over to the Drunken Stepfather for all your Former Royal Thighnessness-ness.

– I don’t think this guy is a huge fan of his papa, yet he did give him one of the nation’s top honors… [via The Zack Attack]

– Own yer very own drive-thru strip club. Bidding is currently up to $300,999.99. [via Brawny Man]

– Play the world’s smallest version of Pac-Man right on yer own CPU. [via Metafilter]

– Spiderman Dos, Lego stizz. [via K To The P: Power]

– Looks like Mischa Mishka is back to her Falkor lookin’ ways. Well, at least it appears that way in this photo of her and Morgan Freebird. I guess she’s only attractive when she poses by herself or with a pair of Keds. Who cares, she’s still so alluring that I’d ride her like 1/9 train. Psssst, don’t you dare tell Cuthbert or her former TV dad what I just said. I want to live to bone tomorrow. [via ONTD, Skeeter, & the love/one below, Mischa-B.com]

– Play every Nintendo/GameBoy/Sega game HERE! [via Navi via BeantownSportsGuy]

– If Jamie Foxx doesn’t win the Best Actor Oscar, Chris Rock is going to steal one ‘ from one of the sound or light people that win and give it to him.’

– Audrey Tautou possib on board for Opie’s da Da Vinci Code. Look, I love the wide-eyed French femme, but is this going to make the movie too sugary and cutesy? Regardless, the only thing that would keep me from seeing it would be if they cast Vince Vaughn.

– Last week during the Inauguration festives, CBS shmaltz specialist Steve Hartman headed to DC in search of President Bush in the flesh. Along the way he petted an armadillo, sat on a cow, paid a visit and cash to a scalper, took in a Hilary Muff performance, and yes, finally caught a glimpse of The Double-U himself.

– Have you been terribly jonesing since the days that fat Star Wars Kid took over the world (the Psycho remix is a personal flav)? Well, I guess we could call this a sequel [speakers ON]. And by this, I mean a fat kid gettin all jiggy to a Romanian techno song, on a webcam. Gawd bless the internerd. [much loved link via Ceffle]

– And whilst wees at-at it, why not take a peep at this video remix thingie about how messed up our gov’mint is. [via Juwanamaker]

– Five Things You Didn’t Know About Natalie Portman, but really won’t care to remember either!

– Is the world really ready for Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo? Well, I know my dad is.

– Noel Gallagher hates Christmas.

– Nevada Judge Throws Out Lap-Dance Law

– Cuthbert pic w/NSFW see-thru top? Sounds too good to be true, cause it probably is… [via Clevetown Mustard King] Instead, how bout something so real, it’ll make you wet your pants in a good way, like its twin pic did to you last go around…

If you go around looking like this again my dear Thighness, I may have to expel you from Thighland for good!! It almost happened when you dyed yer hair, but I cut you some slack cause you have one sweet rack & rear view. So I beg of you, don’t force me to fly Falkor so I’s can gets my Mischa Bart-ON!!!

Mucho a grassy-a$$es to Golden DisSpencer for dispensing this pic in my general direction. Also, thanks to Mr For Hire for pointing me/us to the perky Teri Polo Playboy snaps and to the fact that there’s gonna be a Borat movie AND hack director Todd Phillips is out of the picture… literally! And for an added bonus, here’s the finestestest pic [via The Drunk Step Pa] of Her FUTURE Royal Thighness the III from the GGs. Is there anyone more perrrfect than her besides my mumsy? I juss wanna give lil kisses to every lil freckle on her lil nose (Barton’s, not my mum’s)!