Thighs Wide Shut Thighs Wide Shut

Monday, September 6

Labor Intensive Day
Weak End In Review

My summer started with an absolute MD/DC sizzle and ended on a MD/DC super-high stizzle. If you can remember my memo to Memorial Day, me rocked the Delaware beaches, saw Live play live in the burbs for free, fed a talking pig trash, played air hockey, was tempted by a 'Best Sub Deal In America' advertising ploy, and hung out with me family & friends and my boy Jedidah. Well, Labor Day weak end came and passed and the only thing it had in common wit Memorial Day was that I chilled wit the fam and Jed. This time around I was joined by my brothers-in-arms and co-owners of my fantasy football team, The Nasty Shwag, The Thinker & The Steiner.

the taj mahal of america
It all started Saturday when me and The Thinker went to pick up our thrifty piece of shit car from Thrifty. They were all out of cars from their fine line of economy mobiles, so they offered us a lovely Chrysler Sebring convertible at no extra charge. (bi the weigh, car rental agencies are the only way most Americans will ever drive American cars). I was quite eggcited as I don't get to drive too often and the fact that I've never pimped a ride in a true convertible (unless you count a Corvette with t-tops). We headed down the ugliest turnpike known to man, the Dirty Jersey one. Half the way into our trip, right where Delawhere bleeds into Merryland, we stopped off at the mecca of roadside eats: Le Waffle House. 10 seconds and 76 lbs of eggs, waffles, and meat later, we were all in a food coma and back on route to Rocktown.

Later on Saturday, we peeped out my boy Davey Lashinkins & his lovely wife's fine DC abode, scarfed down some Mexicano comidas with crew + Jebidiah, met up with Joe E Tartar, and downed some brew and other brain cell killers while czeching out the hot biznatches at Sequoia in G-town.

Sunday had three goals:

no one butter than Mister Mr
1) Museuming - once again packing as much culture in a window of less than 4 hours. Didn't break my recent record of 5 with the Steiner (Met, Frick, Gugg, Neue, & Whit), but didn't do too shabby either rocking and pin-rolling thru the freeze dried ice cream at Air & Space Museo, gazing at the the money Monet's, Manet's, and mayonnaise at The National Gallery of Art (both East & West wingers), and paying mad respect to Oscar the Grouch, Mr Roger's neighborhood sweater, the Fonz' jacket, and Archie Bunker's chair at The National Museum of American History.

crab me from behind
2) Crabbing - yep, I hate crabs again. I mean I ate them again. This time with me ma and pa, sis and bro, their loved ones, and a cast of thousands... who came by for dessert. And oh boy, dem desserts! I lucked out with the greatest mumsy ever cause she never forced me to eat boring vegetables that I didn't like and she always made/makes the must yummy scrumptiousdiddlyrecockulous treats you did ever have ever eatenen. She whipped out a key lime pie, a chocolate-chip cookie pie, a peach cobbler, and some chocolate-peanut butter square thingie things. [Note: if you ever want yer mother to make u umcredible eats for no dang reason, make a point of complimenting her cooking from this day fwd]

bowling is life
3) Bowling - at the alley where I pitched a 231 over the July 4th weak end, the Bowl America in Ghettosburgh, MD. The six of us (myself, My Man Marvkus, Joe E Tartar, Jebidah, the Thinker, and the Steiner) happened upon the greatestist deal of the century. For 12 measly bones, you could bowl as much as you wanted to from 9pm to 1am. Sure I thought we'd knock back 3 games, but 6 or 7? That's f-in Lebowski Fest propositions. And with the money we saved, we put it all into alcohol, which never improves one's game, but makes the sport seem rather Herculean.

Monday had three goals:

1) Draft the rest of our keeper-style fantasy football team (see complete roster below).

2) Leave town.

3) Eat at Waffle House... again!!

see you later tim couch
Lessons learned from the not so weak, weak end:

1) If you've never been to a Waffle House, you shouldn't be allowed to vote or live in this country.

2) Washington DC is perfect for families with no money... all the museums are free!

3) Freeze-dried ice cream is still the ice cream of the future. Die in hell Dippin-Donts.

4) People who are allergic to cats shouldn't stay in a house with cats.

5) Live fantasy football drafts are the new crack-cocaine.

6) My mother and father are the breastestist (an ongoing lesson).

7) Never eat female crabs.

8) By law, it should be a right, not a privilege, to drive a Chrysler Sebring convertible.

And without further Freddy Adu, here's yer 2004-05 line-up for

Le Nasty Shwag

Quarterbacks
Peyto Peyton to the RCA dome piece Jeffery Gaycia misses San Fran

Running Backs
Michael West go for broke...en legs size double D Orange Julius Joneszes Eddie Ithaca is Georges this is suppose to be some bloke named tony hollings

Wide Receivers
the dude looks great in spandex throw meshawn the damn ball Boldinly goes where no man has gone before reggie williams is down wit dem pilgrims baby you can driver my car Lee Evans loves smaller pictures

Tight Ends
got em for shock value kinney shoes

Kicker
best polish kicker ever

Defense
da bears


# Labor Intensive Day
Weak End In Review