Thighs Wide Shut Thighs Wide Shut

Wednesday, June 22

Quothing At The Mouth

• Who has consistently produced the best TV special year after year? Thighs down, The American Film Institute. The fun began back in '98 when they dropped their list of America's 100 Greatest Movies (if Citizen Kane hadn't come out on top, you wouldn't be reading this paragraph). '99 emitted the tops in his and hers, '00 got busy like Sean Paul with the laughs, '01 (the real beginning of the millennium) was absolute-lee thrilling (mainly thinks to Hitchcock, the real Hitch, not that crap with the Fresh Prince and the King of Queens... royalty my A$$!!), '02 was a bowl of mushy peas, '03 left out the ugly and went straight for the good and the bad, '04 made for such sweet music, and we sipped Five Alive in the '05, while we were totally titillized and thighszed as they rolled out the 100 Best Quotes. [Note: the AFI site was all sorts of fugazied, and hence the other linky-poos] As usual, they were mostly on point like John Negroponte, with a few melon-scratchers here and there (how could 'There's no crying in baseball' be better than both 'Heeeeeeeeeeeeere's Johnny' AND 'Get yer hands off me, you damn dirty APE!'? Time to break out the shotguns Chuck). The only thing that lacks credibility is their selection of on-air talent to gab about the fizz. DL Hughley? Elayne Boosler? Wolfgang Puck? What, was Ebert too busy making love to a box of Jujubes? Anywhozitz, I'd like to throw out a bunch of random quotes that didn't make the list and mean something especial to meski. The criteria? Anything in my lifetime, meaning from '77 on (sorry Escape From The Planet of the Apes, but hello Hello Again!!). I'm sure I'm missing some, but I don't have all day to write about crap... although I'm sure u spank otherwise.

'In honor of our special guest, I've created dinner mon dieu — including Frahnch fries... Frahnch dressing... and Frahnch bread. And to drink Pay-roo' - Jenny Meyer, Better Off Dead

'Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father: prepare to die!' - Inigo Montoya, The Princess Bride

'Smokey, this is not 'Nam. This is bowling. There are rules.' - Walter Sobchak, The Big Lebowski

'Man, we ain't found shit!' - Henchman, Spaceballs

'Boys have a penis, girls have a vagina!' - Joseph, Kindergarten Cop

'The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he, who in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.' - Jules, Pulp Fiction

'Maggots, Michael. You're eating maggots.' - David, The Lost Boys

'Bring me everyone. What do you mean "everyone"? EVERYONE!!' - Norman Stansfield and Benny, The Professional

'Don't f#ck with the babysitter!' - Chris, Adventures In Babysitting

'Shall we play a game?' - Joshua, the computer, WarGames

'How much you wanna make a bet I can throw a football over them mountains?' - Uncle Rico, Napoleon Dynamite

'It was f%ckin' obvious that cunt was gonna fuck some cunt.' - Begbie, Trainspotting

'On how good your manners are... and how big your pocketbook is... - Dexter Jettster, Episode III

'Is this something you can share with the rest of us, Amazing Larry?' - Pee Wee, Pee Wee's Big Adventure

'Grow up, Heather. Bulimia's so '87.' - Heather Chandler, Heathers

'Pull the string! Pull the string!' - Bela Lugosi, Ed Wood

'I'm gonna go get the papers, get the papers.' - Jimmy Two Times, Goodfellas

'Mrs. Peacock was a man?' - Mr Green, Clue

'I don't care what the scoreboard says at the end of the game, in my book we're gonna be winners.' - Coach Norman Dale, Hoosiers

'Pyle, you climb obstacles like old people f#ck.' - Gunnery Sergeant Hartman, Full Metal Jacket

'Better to be king for a night than a schmuck for a lifetime.' - Rupert Pupkin, The King of Comedy

'Sugar Mr. Poon? No, never, NEVER!' - Stanton Boyd's secretary and Fletch F Fletch, Fletch

'What the fuck's a frush?' - Booger, Revenge of the Nerds

'And the capital of Nebraska is Lincoln.' - Announcer, Kentucky Fried Movie
• Gorillaz to do a REAL tour this November. Now the problem be that we probably have to get our a$$es to Manchester in order to see em.

• Eggman, aka Billy Corgan, desperately wants attention/to reform the Pumpkins. I say fine, but only if he doesn't turn all the nice bits into screamy bits onstage.

• Jennifer Ellison fractured her collar bone. Don't panic, the breasts are still OK. [sorta NSFW, cause her boobs are so big]

• W. Mark Felt felt it was time to cash in on his deep thrizzle. No doubt a movie is happening, but why does Tom Hanks have to play him?

• Peep the vid for best song off Beck's uneven Guero, 'Girl'. Shiz reminds me of MAD Magazine's backpage Fold-Ins.

• How come the BVegan is doing a better job updating us on Siren Fest's line-up than the site itself?

• CMJ Music Marrython to be held Zeptember 14-17

• Don't be scared Jean Claude Van Dame Dakota Fanning the I of Thighland. I've adopted you and took you under my wing so you'd be safe from all the crazies out there.

• Maria Sharapova Eating A Banana

• Return to normalcy/hottacy?

• Radio Memories

• NYC Subway Mosaics

• How could the webmaster of Fakedrpepper.com let the domain expire?

• Mother Gave Permission Slip For Man To Have Sex With Girl AND Police Release Photo Showing Teen Impaled On Fence [vias Newz O Da Weird]

• This is N%gga Stole My Bike thing has complete-lee gotten outta lo-hand: N!gga Stole My Bubble Bobble, N$gga Stole My Yoshi, N@gga Stole Carnegie Hall, N#gga Stole My Price Is Right Game, and flubvs course, DOS Stole My Bike. Whatever u do, juss stay away from YTMND 2. Your brain may eggsplode.

• Keds has run outta ideas with their Mischa B campaign. Or maybe that Jodie Foster kid whore look is back in fashion and no one told me about it. Its still hottier than her kissing Anakin Skyloser. But not as thumcredbile as this pic...


• Today is my last day at ToonPoonville, USA. New shiz starts Friday. How will this affect all things Thighs? Tomorrow Never Knows, Tomorrow Comes Today, Tomorrow Never Dies, and Tomorrow, I love ya Tomorrow! You're always a day away from the Day After Tomorrow.


# Quothing At The Mouth