CAK? Thinks I'm tawlkin dirty? You guessed wrong you dirty slut ho-slut! CAK is simply the abbrv for the Canton-Akron Airport. Getting (to) CAK aint so simple. On Friday, due to something the airline people like to call 'weather', my flight was cancelled. The next flight out they assigned me and my IU peeps to was already delayed. With outervisions of hanging out for hours on end at LaBrokeia, or even having to come back the next AM, we all made the call to rent a huge mini-van and Griswold it out into the great unknown of Northbestern Ohio. 300 thIghpod tunes, 11 Cracker Barrel sides, 8 peg games, and 9+ (mostly) 100mph route 80 Pencil-Vain-E-Ya'in warp speed hours later, wees were gettin Whackron in Akron for B&B's Hebraic nuptials. If you ever want to prove to yo friends how much you truly care, I recommend driving like there's no tomorrow and dance, as if no one's watching for no reason other than reason is treason [d]. But another more important bit o' advice: if yer pals are getting married in some random arsed place that you may never visit again, take advantage of the local to-doings. In this case, as promised, the destination was the Pro Football Hall of Fame, which as of next week, will house the busts of Troy Aikman, Harry Carson, John Madden, Warren Moon, Reggie White, and Rayfield Wright. Here are some pics. There woulda been more, but my battery ran out/there really weren't many snap worthy items, besides when I took a dump on the Cowboys, Giants, and Eagles sections.
I kept my feet on the ground
and kept reaching for the stars
and kept reaching for my grundle
cause it effin itched!
rumor has it
that Logan's Run
& every other 70s sci-fi movie was filmed here
They have more heads and busts
than head I've received and busts I've nutted on
I haven't been this happy
since I had that testicular enlargement procedure
Y.A. TITtle is the closest
one gets to seeing any nudity at the HOF
Red Grange's wax figure
totally waxes off to Kim Cattrall in Mannequin
early foo-ball unies
should not be confused with bounty hunters
Zuckuss or 4-Lom
who are sometimes confused for each otherBeing the world's #1 Redskin and NFL fan, I was more jazzed than Louis Armstrong jazzing into his trumpet and blowing it all over his wife to see this HOF, but in all honesty, it's probably one the weakest HOFs I've been to. I mean, yer not gonna win many visitors if you don't dedicate a whole wing to the
Ickey Shuffle! Here's where the Football HOF ranks (art) amongst the other HOFs I've HOFed:
1)
National Video Game and Coin-op Museum, St Louis, MO (sadly deceased, but I'll never forget playing Atari's
Fire Truck for the last time in me life)
2)
National Baseball Hall of Fame, Cooperstown, NY (too young to remember, but I think I forced my parents to buy me overpriced baseball cards, which are probably now more worthless than a Middle East cease-fire)
3)
Basketball Hall of Fame, Springfield, MASS (shooting baskets is fun for all, but the real bestness was the all you can play arcading of
Double Dribble)
4)
International Bowling Museum and Hall of Fame, St Louis, MO, (I, like Homer Simpson, posed next the bowling pin shaped car)
5)
Pro Football Hall of Fame, Canton, OH (hey, at least there was a
Steak 'n Shake nearby!)
6)
Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, Cleveport, OH (it's juss like the Hard Rock Cafe, cept no shitty hamburgers)
and now for some HOFs I'd like to HOFerize
(even if an actual building doesn't eggsist)
Pinball Hall of FameThe Republican Wife-Cheating Hall of FameHockey Hall of FameFinnish Hockey Hall of FameRV/MH Hall of FameInternational Frisbee Hall of FameNational Toy Hall of FameMicroprocessor Hall of FameHighbanks Hall of Fame National Midget Auto Racing MuseumNational Inventors Hall of FameWorld Kite Museum & Hall of FameThe Trapshooting Hall of Fame and MuseumThe Cajun Music Hall of Fame and MuseumIndiana Basketball Hall of FameThe Manitoba Basketball Hall of FameThe Science Fiction Museum & Hall of FameWorld Chess Hall of FameTV Single Dads Hall of FameInternational Circus Hall of FameInternational Clown Hall of FameRobot Hall of FameMuseum of Polo and Hall of Fame The Cockroach Hall of FameNational Woman's Hall of FameUkulele Hall of Fame MuseumMascot Hall of FameThe International Towing & Recovery Hall of Fame and MuseumAVN Hall of FameThe National Cleveland-Style Polka Hall of Fame
