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Friday, January 5
Volver
Return of the Mack Padre
Trailer
When Pedro Almodóvar releases a movie people go and see it. For those who don't cause you hate Spain or the language you were forced to take for 7+ years of yer academic life, you should follow suit. Why? Cause like the taste of McDonald's fries, you're about 90% sure of being satisfied to the bone. Sure, they sometimes come out soggy, but you'd still eat em anywayz. Volver, while not as adventurous as La Mala Educación or as coma-tastic as Hable Con Ella, is still a splendid piece o work and a mos s'wonderful addition to Almodóvar's cannon of chick flicks for this early bit of the 21st century. Every Volver review that one reads gabs on and on like Gabbo about how this is a giant return to form for its star Penélope Cruz. Yeah, no shit, cause listening to her speak English is like listening to me taking a dump after plowing thru the entire Fresh-Mex menu at Chevy's. And while each of those reviews are busy creating needless Oscar buzz, they fail to point out the mos important bazzle of Cruz' volve to her native tongue: since you don't have to pay attention to what's coming outta Cruz' piehole you are free to spend the entire pic faping to her redonkey-donk yammy-yams or rehippopotamus-hipp tuchy-tuchus or her regiraffe-gira necky-neck (damn that thing is long!)
Unsatisfied with this?: Netflix Son De Mar [trailer] featuring the NSFWness of one of Pedro's bizatches and my mos flavorite Western Europeaners, Leonor Watling
Possible Porno Name: Vulva
Apt MPupil3: the title track that Cruz lip syncs and clap syncs to, 'Volver' [d] by Estrella Morente
I Licked Yer Mum's Pechos On Yer Dad's Techo: mi mos favorite Spanish verbs es molestar y chupar, as in como para chuparse los dedos = it's finger licking good!
John Grisham's Jizzum (aka Verdict): like a majority of cine del Almodóvar, Pecho En La Demostración/Breast In Show
until next thyme, which will be sooner rather than later cause my arse has gotta lotta seein and reviewin to do, the balcony is clothed...
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