Thighs Wide Shut Thighs Wide Shut

Thursday, August 2

Preachy Keen

The Ten
Unlike Spinal Tap's Amps, This One Doesn't Go To Eleven
Trailers & Mo

What if I told you that there's a film starring Jessica Alba, Adam Brody, Bobby Cannavale, Paul Rudd, Famke Janssen, Gretchen Mol, Rob Corddry, Winona Ryder, Liev Schreiber, Oliver Platt, Ron Silver, Justin Theroux, the entire cast of The State (sans Michael Patrick Jann), and it's written and directed by the dude that gave us Wet Hot American Summer (yeah, I know he was in The State, so shut the front door!)? With a power line-up like that (maybe 2nd best to the NL All-Star team on RBI Baseball), you'd say how could this not be the comedy feast of the year? I was spraying the same thing to myself, going into a screening of The Ten, a set of sorta-intertwining sketches about the ten commandments, like Kieslowski's Dekalog, cept their 'version is much shorter and (mostly) does not take place in Polish apartment building.' That line was taken from the press notes bit entitled Ten Things You Need To Know About The Ten, which sadly, is almost funnier than the entire movie. Not to say that The Ten doesn't have it's moments (Wynona Rider! Stealing! A ventriloquist's dummy! AND having sex with it!), but all around, it's just not as funny as it could have been. Where Paris, Je T'Aime [TWS review]'s vignettes had an even hits to misses ratio, The Ten could only wish it could break even. Maybe Gawd shoulda added an 11th commandment: thou shall not waste a golden opportunity to make one fargin beerlarious movie. Amen and awomen!

I Command You: to rewatch Mel Brooks as Moses deliver us some helpful tablets

10 Things I Hate About Bo Derek: dem cornrows, dem cornrows, dem cornrows, dem cornrows, dem cornrows, dem cornrows, dem cornrows, dem cornrows, dem cornrows & dem cornrows... wait, how'd those last two get in there?

1 Thing I Don't Hate About Bo Derek: when she gets all NSFW on us!

John Grisham's Jizzum (aka Verdict): Sum Merit But Not Stinkin Badges

The Ten opens in limited theaters tomorrow and elsewhere elsewhen

until next thyme the balcony is clothed...