Thighs Wide Shut Thighs Wide Shut

Wednesday, March 19

Indie Anna Jonesing

Snow Angels
Ships of Relations Slowly Sinking
Trailers & Mo


We've never seen a David Gordon Green film that we didn't like. That's a fact, mainly cause we've never seen any of his three previous thighly acclaimed southern gothic pics, George Washington, All The Real Girls or Undertow. His latest, Snow Angels, keeps our statement alive, cause we did like it, although it was kinda hard to fall for with its endless Debbie Downerszzzz. Angels is Green's first flick that he didn't write from scratch. The source material here is the 1994 novel of the same name by Stewart O'Nan. It focuses on a high schooler (Kumar's pal on 24) finding love (Juno's BFF Olivia Thirlby) at a time when his parents' marriage is falling apart. But that's only half the story. The rest deals with his old babysitter (Kate Beckinsale, finally in a movie that's worth her talent), as she tries her best to raise her daughter (Gracie Hudson making her first of which we hope will be many more film appearances) away from her unstable husband (Sam Rockwell, who's officially the king of playing movie schmos). A tragic incident midway thru sorta loosely intertwines the storylines, but for us, they woulda worked better as two separate movies. Things keep getting bleaker from there, and we know it's going to cause the movie begins near end when some gunshots ring out (right after a killer high school band rendition of Peter Gabriel's 'Sledgehammer'). Anyone else out there in Thighland sick of that narrative gimmick? As soon as you see something and then 'a few weeks earlier' pops up on the screen, one starts counting down the minutes for that scene to come around again. We like our dénouements to come outta nowhere, not handed to us like some Barack Obama leaflet. But how can we fault a movie where Sábado Gigante snags a cameo?

Seeing Green: looks like DGG is headed to big studio land. He almost got a Confederacy of Dunces flick made, and his next joint, The Pineapple Express, has him joining up with team Aptaow

Angel Demons: North Dakota and Michigan keep battling for the Guinness World Record for most snow angels

John Grisham's Jizzum (aka Verdict): Jeepers Worth A Peepers


Paranoid Park
A Half-Baked Tale At The Half-Pipe
Trailers & Mo


For the first time ever, it's possible that a Gus van Sant film may win our award that's named after him: 'Mos Pretentious Film of the Year'. We're purty sure it won't come to that, as the fall season sees its fair share of high-brow poo la la (most likely to be released by Fox Searchlight), which will knock Paranoid Park outta contention. Now don't spank us wrong, cause Gussy always hands in a beautiful piece of work, but juss cause Jessica Alba is see-thrulicious, doesn't mean people wanna hear her talk. Tis a crying shame, cause when van Santa's got a good story to toss in with the pretty pictures, the results are more marvelous than Marvin Hagler (To Die For, Good Will Hunting, Drugstore Cowboy, etc). GvS comes kinda close here with a decent murder mystery plot device, but he wastes it all away on endless tracking shots of people walking nowhere and pointless idle teen chatter he already covered before in the much more poignant Elephant. Paranoid Park feels a lot like Kids, cept it's not as edgy, dirty, fun or mos importantly, worth your while. For his next joint, the biopic of Harvey Milk, it's appears he's leaving the non-actor kids behind. Good, cause we've been waiting for quite awhile for the hour that comes after the amateur one

Avoid The 'Noid: Paranoid Park is a fo'reals place. It's the nickname for Portland's O'Bryant Square

Let In Rainn: watch Rainn Wilson's beerlarious 'audition' for Paranoid Park. And when yer done with that, peep his one for Juno, I'm Not There, Diving Bell and A Mighty Heart

John Grisham's Jizzum (aka Verdict): Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges


both flicks, which are independent street cred projects for two of the Gossip Girl youngins, are currently playing in limited release


Rental Round-Up Dawg: one is a classic and the other is an instant classic. both muss be rented AwarrenSAPP!

In The Heat of The Night should be required viewing for any budding thespian, cause we've almost never seen better acting in a movie. Period! Exclamation point. A winner of 5 Oscars, including one for Rod Steiger, who beat out Warren Beatty (Bonnie and Clyde), Dustin Hoffman (The Graduate), Spencer Tracey (Guess Who's Coming To Dinner) and Paul Newman (Cool Hand Luke) for Best Actor. WOW, what a pack of five, which sadly left no room for a Sidney Poitier nom. Damn you Academy! We know you've honored the man before, but first that and then no Best Director love for his craftsmanship on Ghost Dad? You all have about as much heart as the dude from Temple of Doom who got gutted by Mola Ram

If you didn't see our #2 pick for flick of the year, the OUTTA THIS WORLD doc In The Shadow of the Moon [TWS review], you don't deserve to call yerself a human being. And if you want to argue that fact, we're gonna have Mola Ram come over to yer house and gut you too!


until next thyme the balcony is clothed...

# Stizzle Stosseled by Thigh Master
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