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Tuesday, April 6
1. Hellboy - $27.3 million - I'm eager as Beaver Cleaver to see this movie so I can tell people (as Ross Kidoji would say), "Go straight to Hellboy." Not a Clash fan? Fry in hell (boy)!
2. Walking Tall - $19.2 million - Does the Rock no longer rock the casbah (sorry for the 2nd Clash reference)? If they casted Steve-O instead of Johnny Knoxville and let him shoot fireworks out of his a$$, then maybe this would have landed the #1 spot.
3. Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed - $11.4 million - My pal who's a daddy took his son to see this tripe. He had fun, but complained that Sarah Michelle Gellar's shirt wasn't tight enough. What's the point in going then, eh?
4. Home on the Range - $10.7 million - With voicework by Roseanne, Randy Quaid, Jennifer Tilly, AND Cuba Gooding Jr. who wouldn't want to see this? Disney, I'm sure if you get on yer knees and suck, maybe Pixar will take you back.
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Ms. Stiles doesn't have a forehead, but a five-head. |
5. The Prince & Me - $9.6 million - Julia Stiles, quit acting and go back to what you do best: insulting the dining hall staff at Columbia U.
6. The Passion of the Christ - $8.6 million - Who do you think would win in a game of Connect Four, The Jesus or The Moses? Neither of em, Yul Brynner would literally whip their asses!
7. The Ladykillers - $8.5 million - If the Coen Bros can't fully hack it no more, then I suggest that the frozen custard magnates the Kohr Bros take a stab at moviemaking.
8. Jersey Girl - $6 million - I bet watching this movie is similar to driving on the Jersey Turnpike: predictably boring and like getting food poisoning from Roy Rogers.
9. Dawn of the Dead - $4.3 million - Has there ever been a Ving Rhames movie where he hasn't held a gun?
10. Taking Lives - $1.5 million - Damn you for "taking" Eternal Sunshine off this list.
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