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Wednesday, May 19
- Most misleading headline ever: Eminem Wants to Bruise Apple. I thought for a second he wanted to harm Chris "Boring" Martin and Gwynnnie's lil baby... and after watching that "Nappies" video, I kinda wanted to too!
- Remember that virtual church we reported on last week? Well it seems that some people calling themselves "Satan", "God" and "Jesus" are spoiling all the fun for the online parishioners. The evildoers were shouting obscenities and racial slurs at people praying, which forced the "church" to close the pulpit, altar and lectern. How long will it be before the first priest/altar boy scandal is leaked?
- What happens when yer a member of a zoo, you pet a jaguar illegally, and it takes your finger as a souvenir? You get yer finger back, get barred from the zoo, and charges aren't filed. "I think he's suffered enough..."
- Ever wanted to date a fat chick, someone in debt, or anyone without any shame? Then Esquire's Brutally Honest Personals is the place for you! But hands off, Kirk White, with his "very small penis" and "excessive farting" is all mine!!!!
- Here at TWS we're big fans of the oncoming cicada invasion. But after taking a leisurely drive to Cicadaville, we're having second thoughts. Did you know that "in 1987, the last time the Cicadas emerged in Cincinnati, over 7 million people died from Cicada injections"? Or that "this year Cicadas will kill more people than snakes, spiders, scorpions, and sharks combined!" Don't worry folks, you have a better chance of dying eating at Roy Rogers than from dem noisy lil buggers. [Link via Boris Beckerz]
- Fashion has hit an all-time low: the duct tape case. Next up: WD-40 underwear. [Link via Tuna Heltz]
- Finally, the Thigh Master will admit that his Full House sleuthing skills weren't sleuthistic enuff. We forgot to dig up whatever grave Kimmy Gibbler was lying in. She aint got nothing on you Sweet-Sweetin Jodes (don't worry, she turned 22 this past January)!! [Link via Navi]
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