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Wednesday, November 3
I'm seeing red and way too much of it. Look at that friggin map of electoral votes. Would you want to live in any of those red states? I is proud to say that I don't and that me won't ever will. At least we all know where the North ends and the South begins. BLESS YOU my belovededed MARYLAND & DC!! And go eat a huge dick covered in chopped liver Virginia. And oh yeah, Ohio, take yer retarded looking flag, throw some microwaved tuna fish/kitty litter on top of it, and eat a bigger dick than Virginia and Dick Cheney. Yer dead to me now. The only thing you have to offer our country is the football hall of fame and that fine Stadium Mustard.
Anywho, lets think positive here folks. Maybe by 2008, Iraq will be a State and get 3 electoral votes! That can only help the Demos, I mean Hillary Clintonian. GO BABY!!! Once yer in the White House you can get finger-banged by interns to get back at Bill! And did I really want to marry my ultra flaming gay boyfriend or have that back alley abortion before 2008? And when I woke up this morning I felt sooooo much safer than I did they day before! I've already thrown out my post apocalyptic survival kit and tell every Muslim looking person I see on the street, 'BRING IT ON TOWELHEAD CAUSE WE'RE AMERICA AND WE RULE'.
I would like to thank the following people for NOTHING:
- Michael Moore, for making a one/lop-sided documentary that only preached to the choir. Yer movie doesn't mean shit now. Next time try to be a lil more fair & balanced and maybe you can convince people who actually need to be convinced.
- Howard Dean, for making an a$$ out of himself after the Iowa primary. You basically scared the crap out of people and left us with a bunk-a$$ed candidate. If one positive thing can be salvaged from yer 'campaign', it would be dem amazing 'Yearrrrrrrrrrgh' remixes.
- Tucker Carlson, for keepin the bowtie dream alive. Why did you have to peace the fork out on us Senator Paul Simon??
- The News, for boring the crap out of America. You all almost forced us to watch wretched reality TV instead. ALMOST!!!
- Al Gore, for inventing the Internet.
- George Bush, for inventing the Internets.
- Idaho Senator Michael Crapo, for having the greatest surname and for mcnabbing 100% of the vote in yer race!!
- And finally, ME, for making awful predictions like the Cardinals winning in 6 games, or saying the regardless of history, the Redskins and Kerry were a lock last Friday. Basically Jar-Jar Binks and I single handed-lee ruined it for all of us and now the Sith gov-mint has control of the Senate too. SEND IN THE CLONES!!!
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