•
Usual Suspects 2, with
Lex Luthor AND the
Apt Pupil attached?!?!?!?! Wowie zowie!!!! If they need help with the script, I'm loaded with ideas.... like: Keyser Soze, now a huge rock star in the band the Kaiser Chiefs, is up to his old tricks when he tries to steal Kaiser Wilhelm's kaiser roll from the Kaiser Permanente HQ. But the trynamic trio of
Chazz Palminteri, Giancarlo Esposito, and Dan Hedaya are once again hot on his trail. They eventually mcnabb him, riding
a talking giraffe, and interrogate him for days back at their brand new precinct building. All the while, Keyser, with walls of fresh material at his disposal, tells them some fish tales consisting of made up people, places, and thangs. He asks the threesome if he can take a dump. They oblige. He then jumps into the toilet headfirst,
Ewan Mc/Trainspotting style, and escapes. Cut, print, edit, market, market some more, let blogs hype it beyond watchable, still have a huge opening weekend, greenlight third movie with Seann William Scott and
that Kumar dude taking over the Spacey and Palminteri roles respectively, still a solid opening weekend, I jump out window only to have my dead body cast in
Usual Suspects 4.
• I've had it. I have it up to here. You can't see here, but lemme tell you, IT'S UP THERE. Not as up there as say,
The Air Up There, but it's up there. And the reason for my up here/there/and everywhere?
The Frat Pack. Should be redubbed, The Usual Suspects of Suspect Movies. Please, all you swell guys take 3 years off from making movies. The eggception is Vince Vaughn who should star in every drama he possib-bly can and make people realize that he's not only one of the mos unfunny people in the known universe, but also the brat-wurstest actor since
DJ from TV's
Roseanne!! [via
Sceneflazzum]
• FORKelsticks and 3/4!!!
Mischa Mischka Barfon's return to the banging block fell a couple o days too late!!! Why? Although you all hate on her and you know who you is, she love hactually came
this close to becoming your new Queen Mum-bles. I
shit you not spit you snot. [via
SunnyListern]
• While
bad is happening to Brad Pitt, lettuce look at the good:
not knowing who Lindsay Lohag the Wurstest The I was• The vid for
Gorillaz'esz 'Dare' [via
Poophead]
•
50 Shekel sells out his Judaism for Jesus, by way of
Mel's The Passions The Of The Christ The!?!?! [via
Jewcy]
• The first thing to come out of England in years that
will totally suck donkey kong's bong water
• Without
Jane Fonda and her Al Gore like claims, I currently would be unemployed.
•
One reason to see the
Texas Chainsaw prequel
•
American Movie Classics Craptastics• Here's a
hot 2 for 1 coupon for some
Wagamama's. Too bad that in order to use it, you have to get yer arse to Amsterdamage by the end of the month.... although that isn't the wurst idea I've heard. The heartache never ends folks. As they celebrate the almost-opening of
their 50th house of ramen-awesomeness, I wait in vain and for the 2/3 train for any news of a cross-Atlantic invasion of our shores (don't worry, cause we'll know the minute it happens as I have one of my top men,
Sio Bibby, on 'invasion' alert). Alas, as my hourglass reads half empty, I'll keep dreaming of a day where
the UK cities of Birmingham and Brighton share something else in common with their American city counterparts (Birmingham, AL and Brighton Beach, Brooklyn) besides juss a name. And while I'm out to lunch, the rest of yas,
email em and beg on my behalf.
•
Rachel Cole [keep clickin next for NSFWness], either a sluttier UK version of
Courtney Thorne-Smith or a less sluttier UK version of
Tara Reid [duhvs course NSFW]. You decide!!
•
Schtickers, a schtick that will wear thinner than a Lance Armstrong yellow testicle bracelet around Lohag's gaunt waist/waste line.
•
Headphone Fetish [via
Double XVI]
• We do not endorse or recognize whatever
Thighpaulsandra is. [via
Lynn V]
• Bid on
Freddie Mercury's Volvo CareLine Card [via
BayRaider]
• And oh, before I take off, I wanted to tell you 'alls some great news!! Maria will join Roger Federer as
official spokespersons and cover athletes for the
Top Spin game for Gaystation 2! I heard they were close to putting Lindsay Davenport on the cover, but they reconsidered when they realized she blows and also that Мари я Ю рьевна Шара пова was recently crowned Her Royal Thighness the III. My Siberian sexpot had this to say, '
Now, everyone gets a shot to play against me - but look out, I'm bringing my 'A' game in Top Spin!'. So while she's beating your ass on grass/parent's basement cause your too busy czeching out her
digital приклад/derrière, we'll be pouring vodka all ourselves and digitally penetrating our collective orificeseses until Red Dawn.
