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Thighs Wide Movies 2024

Being a father has given me so much. Although for the first few years of this incredible duty and journey, it robbed me of my once great passion of seeing movies. Alas, I pushed movie-going on my daughter about as early as I could, and now she’s beyond game to go, although we’re not quite ready for a repertory screening of A Clockwork Orange quite yet. I was able to see over ten new movies in 2024, which means I can finally create a list of the “best” that I saw. Enjoy!

10. Harold and The Purple Crayon

This movie made a major mistake by not being a fully animated one, and thus robbing us of the wonder of Harold drawing his way in and out of trouble. Still, Zachary Levi brings a winning goofiness as the boy leaping off the page, who ultimately has to deal with a deliciously devious Jemaine Clement.

9. Alien: Romulus

Rare movie seen without my kid, and not sure how this was the one I choose, but I enjoyed it for what it was, essentially a typical Alien movie where humans never stood a chance. What I particularly liked about this one was seeing Ian Holm’s face again, and the wild facial expressions being expressly expressed by actor David Jonsson.

8. Moana 2

It was basically Moana 1 all over again, although somehow Moana quadrupled the amount of facial expressions she made in the first movie, and somehow tried to outdo Alien: Romulus’ David Jonsson’s manic facial expressions. The highlight of this movie were the songs, and I’m always happy to ask Alexa to play the Rock’s killer track, “Can I Get A Chee Hoo?” A Moana 3 is a no-brainer to happen, but how can they come up with something new when it will probably just be another sea journey to fight some gigantic sea monster? It’s like Harry Potter all over again.

7. Inside Out 2

The writers of the Inside Out movies are so fcuking clever. They really are. All the mind games and brainy puns to use, coupled with excellent voice work of Amy Poehler as Joy trying to tame the insanity of Maya Hawke’s Anxiety. This movie actually ended up being a little too stressful to watch for the whole family, and I’m not sure I believe that Riley would EVER break into her coach’s office. Again, a third installment is a no-brainer, but I’m starting to grow a little tired of the mainly darkened insides of Riley’s mind. Perhaps Joy can spread her wings by escaping into the outside world? Btw — my kid told me I had to go as Embarrassment for Halloween, joining her as Joy, and the Mrs as Disgust.

6. Flow

Might I interest you in a Latvian-animated film with no words? There are almost no words to describe this epic journey of a movie that finds a cat awash in problems, and banding together with other animals to stay afloat. The animation is a bit different than were accustomed to, but the story’s strength of camaraderie for survival has real heart to it. I guess there WERE words to describe it.

5. Mufasa

I think they already made a “live-action” Lion King movie already, and if they did I didn’t see it. I did see Mufasa, and after doing so, it’s easy to say that this is how you make an excellent prequel to a beloved movie. If only George Lucas could have found such depth, adventure, and fun when creating his “Star Wars” prequels. Mufasa is a visual splendor, with the animals’ faces capturing both animal-like motions, and human-like talking and emotions. I just wonder, is anything I saw on screen actually real, or essentially a cartoon made by a computer made to look real. 🤷‍♂️

4. My Penguin Friend

Although he had played assassins in the last, Jean Reno always give them a sympathetic heart that turned into the pulse of the movie. In this movie, he has a broken heart and it’s mended by a lost penguin that takes refuge in his and his wife’s rustic beachy home. The penguin eventually migrates each year, but comes back to visit Reno’s again and again. This movie hit the sweet spot, and is made even better by the fact that it’s based on a too good to be true story!

3. Robot Dreams

It’s the 80s, and a lonely dog finds companionship with a mail-order robot. While some hilarity ensues between the two, a lot of touching melancholy fills the rest of this cartoon’s space in just a super wonderful movie to behold. Like Flow, this one skimps on dialogue, but more than makes up for it by speaking to the viewer emotionally.

2. Wicked

I had never seen the musical “Wicked,” so had zero attachment to it before settling in for 2 hours 45 minutes. Even after laughing at the dumbness of the school being called Shiz University, I was completely captivated by this expanded world of Oz from start to finish. Cynthia Ervo brings real pathos (I hate that word, but alas) to her outcast Elphaba character, but the real star of this is Ariana Grande’s Glinda. The screen loves her, as she gives it her all in every scene, as she acts and sings her guts out, while running and dancing around each magical set. Can’t wait for Wicked 2!

1. Piece by Piece

Lego movies are easy home runs because they contain Legos, and their storytelling possibilities are endless. Telling the story of multi-hyphenate Pharrell Williams’ life in the form of Lego bricks, with help from director Morgan Neville, was not only a stroke of genius, but the greatest movie going experience I engaged in for all of 2024. My kid loved it so much, particularly the McDonald’s sequence, that we saw it twice in theaters. My favorite part — a Lego recreation of the music video for Wreckx-n-Effect’s “Rump Shaker.” Never in my life’s wildest imagination would I ever believe the bikini-clad woman playing a sax on the beach would have ever been Lego-sized. Bless you “Piece by Piece.” Also, the soundtrack is A++++++

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Other thoughts — although it was nice to see the band back together, a second “Beetlejuice” proved unnecessary. Why did they have to suck the life out of Winona’s Lydia Deetz’ character? She was the pulse of the original, and they flatlined her. My daughter prefers the Steve Carell version of “Everybody Wants to Rule the World” from “Despicable Me 4” over the Tears For Fears original. I may actually prefer Jack Black’s “Hit Me Baby (One More Time)” from “Kung Fu Panda 4” over Britney’s original. I give Joe Krysydyzelskkki credit for letting the ideas run rampant in his imaginary friend “IF” flick, but how family friendly is a movie if one parent is dead and the other on their way to being dead? Nice try Jim.

And the worst movie I saw in theaters in 2024 is “Gracie & Pedro: Pets to the Rescue!” While the dog mildly resembled house favorite Skye from Paw Patrol, this movie was a fcuking eyesore. It made the animation in the Dire Straits video for “Money For Nothing” look like Vincent Van Gogh if he ran Pixar. The abso worst!

One final note — blessed to call NY home for so many reasons, and one I’ve always loved is the amount of movie theaters showing repertory screenings. Where else could my daughter see such old delights on the big screen like Sleeping Beauty, Bambi, Aladdin, The Rescuers Down Under, and An American Tail: Fievel Goes West

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Seep Sixteen

thighs wide is SIXTEEN years shut!!!!! 

(turned sweet 16 on March 8th!)

I just don’t know how to quit me.  do you?

(note – each picture below is clickable and will take you to its own magical place)

Daphne Zucchini Bread

Do Believe The Hyphen

Steve Carlton Fisk

Orange Crushed

You’ve Reached the Office of Stuart Ullman by George Jenne

They Were The Man Then Dog

William H. Banksy

Commodore 69

The VillaG.I.e Joe People

Judge Hot, Lust Ye Be Judged

Alfred E Pluribus Unum

SIGN MY PETITION, PLEASE!!!!!!!

Give Us Us Freed

Dreams of Field

Take My Balls Out To The Game

Popeye characters wuz real peoples! 

20th Century Foxy

Pool As Hell

by Frank R. Paul

Flapper Jacks

Sam He Was

Ryan Snook

Pound Coolish

Torn Rip

NOT OJ

Radio Waved

This Is List – 2020

So Gay

Thighs Wide Movies 2019

this Costacos Brothers poster hasn’t exactly aged well…

SEXtenth Anal Thighs Wide Movie Awards aka THE THIGHSMANS!!!

Room & Board Games

Mikey Likes Nike

to ensure The Michael Scott Paper Company, INC. ‘Unparalleled Customer Service’ $$COUPON$$ pdf doesn’t EVER get lost to time…

Six Degrees of Maria Snoeys-Lagler

–

perv-iously

Fifteen Nifteen

[year 14 missing]

Barf Mitzvah

Cheesier By The Dozen

This One Goes To Eleven

Ten Years A Thigh Master

Crap o’ Nine Tales

Eight Is Not Enough

Seven Thighs For Unlucky Number Slevin Brothers

Six Degrees of Snorting Bacon

Nut Saks Fifth Anniversary

Queer As Fourth

Three’s A Crowd… PLEASER!

In Case You Didn’t Feel Like Showing Up

Bring On The Terrible Twos!

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The 2019 Thighsmans

we named the breastest movies of the beastest of the 2019

and now, for the only awards that matter…

SEXtenth Anal Thighs Wide Movie Awards

aka

THE THIGHSMANS!!!

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Greatest Righting of A Wrong In A Movie Franchise EVER

in The Rise of Skywalker when they like, hey Rose, want to join us on this adventure, and she’s like, sorry, I’m busy being buried in a shallow grave by the scriptwriter!!!  EAT IT ROSE!!!

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The 10th Annual Greta Grrr Wig Recipient of Please Go Away You Annoy The Living Poop Out of Me Over-Acting Actor, How Are You An Actor, and In Every Movie? Award

Lucas Hedges

(a make-up call for previous years of annoying the crap out of me)

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Popular Movie That Irrationally Upsets My Soul Because There Is Nothing Special About It Whatsoever And I’m Still Mad At Riannnn Johnsonn for Ruining My Adulthood With What He Did To Star Wars

Knives Out 

a whodunnit
that who don’t

reveal the twist at the beginning!
so clever Riannn!!
(nice accent James Bond! NOT!!!)

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The Samuel L Jackson
Never Met A Script
He Didn’t Like
Man of The Year

TIE! 

with 6 films a piece in 2019

Jim Gaffigan AND Luke Evans

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The KFC Finger Stickin’ Goodness Goodie Three Shoes Award

aka – these damn ladies be DAMN fine award!!

Cardi B’s DDs in the otherwise, somehow unwatchable movie about strippers – Hustlers

The Goldenest Globes

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Eyes Wide Open For Bidness 9ever

aka Bestest Eyes EVER

Molly Gordon

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Eyes Wide Closed For Bidness 9ever

aka WÃœRSTEST Eyes EVER

wtf is going on here Alita: Battle Angel???
WHO WANTS TO WATCH THAT SCARY FCUKING SHTT!!???

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Hairing Is Caring 

Alec Baldwin’s DeLorean eyebrows in Framing John DeLorean

+

I don’t really love the hair but special mention to all hair things that’s going on in The Beach Bum

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Songs That Execute Better
Than Norman Mailer
Hanging With Cliff Clavin

the ENTIRE soundtrack to The Last Black Man in San Francisco

+

Taron Egerton IS Elton John

Kenny Rogers ‘in’ Richard Jewell

‘Hey Dude’

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Trailers Worth Tractoring

(in endless memory of Robert ‘Tractor’ Traylor)

 traylor-tractor-gif

Midsommar / Joker / Uncut Gems / The Lighthouse / Once Upon A Time In Hollywood / The Last Black Man in San Francisco /A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood (I cry every time the kids sing to him on the train) / Yesterday / 1917 / Ad Astra / It Chapter 2 (teaser) 

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Poster Her! Poster We! Poster Haste!

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Unintentional Porn To Be Wild Titles

Overcomer / Shaft / Annabelle Comes Home / Stuber / Fiddler: A Miracle of Miracles / The Day Shall Come/ Her Smell / The Death of Dick Long

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Fenella Woolgar
Bestest Names Award

Gustaf Gründgens + Liv Mjönes + Taddeo Kufus

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Don’t You Forget About Me/These Forgetmenot Bon Mots

Nike is from Oregon.  The Goonies was shot in Oregon.  together they were a natural pair-ing of two great American legends & icons

BLESS the folks forever at Red Letter Media

Joe Pesci and David Ferrie RETURN!!

May The Fluoride Be With You

Ullman Are Created Equal

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Movies To Look For In The ‘020

Fast & Furious Presents: Nobbs & Shaw

Tolkien: White Guy

Super Thighs Me 2: Thighs Wide Slightly More Shut

Calendar Man

21 Jeff Bridges

Chris Wallace Is Here

Shazam! The Story of Gomer Pyle

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In Memoriam

too many great names to name
so we’ll just leave it like this

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don’t forget to peep out our ’18, ’17,  ’16,  ’15, ’14, ’13, ’12, ’11, ’10, ’09, ’08, ’07, ’06, ’05, ’04, ’03, and ’02 awards!! 

until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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Thighs Wide Movies 2019

Seven 2019 Films That Were More Pitch Perfect Than Jerry Blevins!

1) Midsommar

Something wicker man this way comes!!!

2) Ad Astra

it space races your heart!

3) Joker

apparently never posted a review here, but this will have to do

4) The Lighthouse

low tidings on the high sea – black and white delight

5) Parasite (기생충)

out of site, can’t get you out of my mind

6) Uncut Gems

maximum Jewish neurosis overdrive 

7) The Last Black Man in San Francisco

soul brother down to one.  be sure to wear some flowers in your hair

movie awards by friday. until then, here’s the bestest films of yesterhere

2018
2017
2016
2015
2014
2013
2012
2011
2010
2009
2008
2007
2006
2005
2004
2003
& 2002

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This Is List – 2020

 

there is nothing I look forward to more than compiling our annual goodbye to last year’s trends and hello to this year’s puns. The Washington Post is more professional at this sorta thing, but maybe you’re not into the whole brevity thing…

OUT

IN

Adam Gase’s Gaze


Adam Driver, Driver


TikTok

Tikki Tikki Tembo

Baby Yoda

Baby Hoda

Lil Nas X’s
  ‘Old Town Road’ 

Li’l Abner’s
  Dogpatch, USA

Peloton girl

Pelota girls

The 2010s

The 1020s

Storm Area 51

It’s Raining Heinz 57

Ta-Nehisi Coates

Tallahassee Coats

David Keith

Keith David

Washington Nationals

Warshington Natinals

Popeyes Chicken Sandwich

Olive Oyl Change

Trust Exercises

Misturst Jazzercise

Miley & Liam

Morton & Hayes

Leaving Neverland

Weaving Hugoland

Adam Sandler
Dramas

Adam Sandler Documentaries

Momo Challenge

Muumuu Challenge

Disney+

Joy÷ 

Quid Pro Quo

Pro Sonny Bono

Flebag

Le Bag

A Very Brady Renovation

A Very Cosby Demolition

Rakuten

Master Ebates

License To Drive

License Two Plate

White Claw

Dr Claw

Mitch McConnell is Toby Turtle from Disney’s Robin Hood

Mitch McConnell is Star Wars‘ Maz Kanata and her butthole eyes

Megan Rapinoe

Mega Wrap Strip

The Mandalorian

The Tan DeLorean 

Oh! Oh! Oh! Ozempic

Try A Little Tenderness and a lot of Triaminic

‘I heard you
paint houses’

‘I heard you
garden hos’

and here’s what was In Oder Aus in the ’006, the ’007, the ’008, the ’009, the ‘010, the ‘011, the ‘012, the ‘013, the ‘014, the ‘015, the ‘016, the ‘017, the ‘018  and the ‘019

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