Ten 2017 Movies That Rose Higher Than Rose From The Last Jedi

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1) Loving Vincent

LOVE doesn’t even begin to describe how I feel about this waking life walk thru van Gogh’s paintings.  this is one for the ages!!

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2) The Lost City of Z

more of an Indiana Jones movie than Kingdom of The Crystal Skull was!!!  AND IT REALLY HAPPENED!!

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3) Mother!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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4) Dunkirk

I was praying that it was going to be a bad movie so I could call it Dumbkirk

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5) The Disaster Artist

Finally, a Seth Rogen movie I can get behind!

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6) Phantom Thread

Style over substance AND style!

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7) Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri

Fart faced McDormand and zany Sam Rockwell overcome themselves to surprise even me!

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8) Maudie

Art with heart

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9) The Trip To Spain

More of these, less of the Fast & Furiouseseses

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10) Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets

Beyond this world, and apparently beyond the grasp of today’s dumbed-down audiences.  Enjoy the same crap over and over people, cause Hollywood aint going to take a chance anymo on a movie that takes a chance like this one did

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our annual anal movie awards – The Thighsmans – drops the Friday before the Oscars.  stay pooned!

until then, here’s the bestest films of yesterhere

2016
2015
2014
2013
2012
2011
2010
2009
2008
2007
2006
2005
2004
2003
& 2002

2017 in TV was Tele-LICIOUS.  somehow I still haven’t seen the new Twin Peaks, which is a miracle and a tragedy as the original is my favorite TV show of all time, but I’ll get to it in 2018, I promise – myself!  anywho, here’s all the other stuff from TV that made my heart beat stronger and my shlong beat shlonger…

1. Riverdale (CW)

I always need a show in my life that’s the modern equivalent of Beverly Hills 90210.  Riverdale is it (it even has Luke Perry) AND THEN SOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  There was even Zodiac love!!!

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2. Mindhunter (Netflix)

Dude, it’s like my dream come true – more of Fincher’s Zodiac!!!

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3. Feud: Bette and Joan (FX)

What Hollywood does to actresses is horrible.  Now AND THEN.  Susan was born to be Bette.  The EYES have it!

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4. Married At First Sight: Second Chances (Lifetime)

I don’t do Bachelor shows, but I love the Married At First Sight series, so when they whored out two former Sighters and let a bunch of whores try to whore all over them – the end result was one giant sloppy mess, and I couldn’t get enough of it!!

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5. American Horror Story: Cult (FX)

Evan Peters is scary as fck!!!  Zodiac!!!  But the real revelation here is Carrie Fisher’s daughter, ready to be her own person – hello Billie Lourd

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6. The Americans (FX)

Martha stuck in Russia is the saddest thing ever in a show of so many sad things ever!

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7. Veep (HBO)

It’s truly amazing how a comedy about the US Presidency could be out clown-showed in real life by our current US President, and even more truly amazing is how the TV show this season was able to re-out clown show the real clown show.  CLOWN SHOW!!!!

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8. The Hunt For the Zodiac Killer (History)

Spoiler alert – they didn’t catch him/her.  BUT LET THEM KEEP TRYING!!!

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9. Curb Your Enthusiasim (HBO)

Long time off, and not much has changed, and that’s fine by me.  Loved the Fatwa advice from Salman Rushdie, like having an excuse to not pick someone up from the airport

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10. Wormwood (Netflix)

Errol Morris at his best, and he’s always at his best, so this is BESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSST!!!

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11. Fresh Off The Boat (ABC)

Still, the funniest network comedy going.  Love the shifting focus to the school kids.  Eddie’s friends are more interesting than Eddie!  Bonus props to redhead Trevor Larcom! Bonus bonus props to their Rent ripoff – Brent!

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12. Bates Motel (FX)

Norman Bates COMES full circle, and what better way to COME all over than with Rihanna as Marion Crane!

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+ bone-yessss!! moments

give all the awards in the world to Natasha Bassett who totally speared the lead (and my heart) in Lifetime’s Britney Every After

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the awkward adorableness of Stranger Things 2‘s Snowball Dance

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the theme music of the game show Now You See It

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realizing that I never saw Beverly Hills 90210 Season 4 and loving it beyond belief

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finally watched the final season of The Knick, and I already miss the fcuk out of this guy

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the real life filming locations of The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel

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Chelsea Cardwell‘s sexy and sad portrayal of Monica Lewinsky in an ep of Scandal Made Me Famous

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the return of Battle of The Network Stars

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the new Dynasty is mostly garbage, cept Alan Dale remains TV’s finest a$$hole

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BUZZR’s excellent doc about game shows, hosted by Alex Trebek! – Game Changers

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Amazon gets STACKED and streams the original UNSOLVED MYSTERIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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the horrible awfulness amazingness awfulness of the made-for-TV version of Dirty Dancing

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Copycat Killers‘ talking head J. Buzz Von Ornsteiner – for his name, and how he talks, but mainly for his name

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I hope Kendra On Top never stops

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cheering for The Bold Type gals

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booing the girls of Girls. good riddance. YOU FCUKING SUCK!!!

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goodbye Merc Lapidus.  YOU WERE THE ABSO FCUKING BEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  AND WILL ALWAYS BE ONE OF MY MOSTEST FAVORITE TV CHARACTERS EVER!!!!!!!!!!!

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wish we could MAKE A DEAL to keep these people with us on earth :(

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perv-iously ’16 ’15 ’14 ’13 ’12 ’11 ’10 ’09 ’07

2017 was a Donald Dump of a year filled with lies, and not enough fries, and too many pregnant Kardashians, and WAY too many asshole men with their grubby hands, but 2018 is gonna be nuttin but peaches and roses and Flonase®.  I promise!  The Washington Post does a list thing, and we do too, cause if Star Wars can recycle itself and sh!t on itself, well, then we can recycle the Post‘s ideas and make our own poop jokes and such.  and without further a poop…

OUT	IN
Fidget Spinner –	Thinner Gidget –
#MeToo –	Us3 –
Cardi B –	Bacardi L. Jackson –
Halo Top –	Horny Bottoms [NSFW] –
Ties To Russia –	Russian Ties –
Judge Roy Moore –	More Judge Reinhold –
Baby Bombers –	Rubber Baby Buggy Bumpers –
Being Dragged Off Planes –	Being A Draggin’ Lady –
David Keith –	Keith David –
‘Despacito’ –	‘This Burrito’ –
Papa John –	Mama Joan –
Young Sheldon –	My Two Beckys –
140 Characters –	WD-40® Characteristics –
Replaced By Christopher Plummer –	  Dismembered By Professor Plum –
Meghan Markle –	Mr Sparkle –
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel –	Marvelous Marvin Hagler –
Fyre Festival –	Barbed Wire Festival –
DACA –	Joe E. Tata –
Oscar Mix-Up –	Oscar Mayer Remix –
Male Rompers –	Samuel Gompers –
Farm-to-Table Restaurants –	Foot-and-Mouth Disease Cooking –
Solar Eclipse –	Diego Luna’s Lips –
Last Week Tonight –	Today’s Spicial –
Salvator Mundi –	Ki-Adi-Mundi –
Cauliflower Everything –	Calla Lily Sandwiches –
The Mooch –	The Gooch –
Taking A Knee –	Baking A Knee –

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and here’s what was In Oder Aus in the ’006, the ’007, the ’008, the ’009, the ‘010, the ‘011, the ‘012, the ‘013, the ‘014, the ‘015, the ‘016, the ‘017

we have no children, but we did give birth to this site 13 years ago today.  it’s getting Barf Fcuking Mitzvahed.  bozzle tov!

here’s the highlights in posties with the mosties from this past year in Thighs…

World’s Largest Ball Player – 450lbs!!!!!

Wish I Was There

guessing the Twin Peaks 2017 characters

SUPER DICKMANN’S!!!

‘I’m staring at her nipples because I am afraid they are about to come onto my plate’

Yellow Broke Road

The San Francisco Chinese Basketeers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sergeant Stubby 

Bubble O’ Bill

the Topless Bathing Suit, 1964

They Shot First

dog bless Bob Grove!!!!!!

stuff auctioned off from The Estate of the late Syd Barrett, in 2006

Annelies van Overbeek

So Tell Me Again, Why Did You Have To Die? Part VI

Bugles are 52 years old!!!

They Kite Be Giants

when New York City’s in trouble – who you gonna call? Pat Kiernan!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tom M Johnson’s Pittsburgh Parking Lot Booths and Their Attendants

(Ken’s) Dressings You Up In My Love

The Metropolitan Museum of Art’s collection of Herbert E Crowley

you can live where Ike and Tina Turnered

did you know that the Batman advisory and Joker gal pal Harley Quinn never existed prior to the 90s animated TV series AND was inspired by a Harlequin dream sequence on the soap opera Days of Our Lives, played by the actress (Arleen Sorkin) who would eventually lend her voice to the character on the cartoon???? 

Yul Brynner’s photos from the set of 1956 The Ten Commandments

Martin Short’s wedding coordinator character from Father of The Bride – Franck Eggelhoffer – is based off of a real life wedding coordinator!!!

dog bless Jeno Paulucci – inventor of Pizza Rolls!!!!!

The School of Rockwell

a MUST Stache :{

Happy 100th Birthday Kirk!

Mon HOTma

Thighs Wide Music 2016

Thighs Wide Telly 2016

The Metropolitan Museum of Art‘s very first building (in 1880)

Priyanka Doodle Dandy

This Is List – 2017

IBM Data Center, Toronto, 1963

Ruff Neck Business

RAINBOW BATMAN!!!!!!!!!!

Thighs Wide Movies 2016

The 2016 Thighsmans

Why I Love David Fincher’s Zodiac

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perv-iously

Cheesier By The Dozen

This One Goes To Eleven

Ten Years A Thigh Master

Crap o’ Nine Tales

Eight Is Not Enough

Seven Thighs For Unlucky Number Slevin Brothers

Six Degrees of Snorting Bacon

Nut Saks Fifth Anniversary

Queer As Fourth

Three’s A Crowd… PLEASER!

In Case You Didn’t Feel Like Showing Up

Bring On The Terrible Twos!

we named the breastest movies of the beastest of the 2016

and now, for the only awards that matter…

Thirstweenth Anal Thighs Wide Movie Awards

aka

THE THIGHSMANS!!!

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Crap To The Future Award For Würstest Acting of The Year Award!!!

Nick Kroll 

in Loving

he somehow molded his character and acting style based on the ‘I think he stole his wallet‘ guy from Back To The Future II  – Lester!  WTF???

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The 7th Annual Greta Grrr Wig Recipient of The OK, You Are Not An Actress And Should Stop Pretending To Be One So Please Stop Being An Actress Now Award

go away

Olivia Munn

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The OK, That Awkward Tuna-Salad Lips, Keeping Your Head Down, and Then Picking Your Head Up Thing That You Do In Every Movie Muss Be Stopped Forever Award

stop it 

Eddie Redmayne

no seriously, stop it with those dumb lips of yours
and that face thing you do

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The Samuel L Jackson
Never Met A Script
He Didn’t Like
Man of The Year

 

Danny Glover

who had EIGHT flix released in 2016!!

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Gifs of the Gawds

folding buildings in Doctor Strange!

(better than anything Chis Nolan can do!)

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Hairing Is Caring

Aaron Eckhart and his partially Ruffalo-Foxcatchered  shaved forehead in Bleed For This!

runner up - his and Hank’s Sully staches!!!

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Bob’s Big Girls
aka
The 2016 Bobbies!

these bobbies are darin!

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The KFC Finger Stickin’ Goodness Goodie Three Shoes Award

aka – these ladies be DAMN fine award!!

Emayatzy Corinealdi

&

I bleed for Christine Evangelista

and you would too if you saw her in NSFW action

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bisous for Ingrid Bisu

&

heaven and hot water
for this hot tamale!

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the b-witch-ing Anya Taylor-Joy

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Emily Beecham

&

Mon Mothma, before she was!!

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Fast Times glamour shots

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leather boobs

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these headshots

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the nottiest nottie of the year

whatever the fcuk this alien is.  WTF ARE YOU ???

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them crazy fat crazy naked chicks in Nocturnal Animals that you should be happy I don’t have gifs for (yet)

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Eyes Wide Open For Bidness 9ever

aka Bestest Eyes

 Teresa Palmer

 in Hacksaw Jim Duggan

runner up - Natasha Bassett 

in Fail Caesar!

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The Nosey Nose That Knowse Bestest!

aka Bestest Nose!

 Jenna Coleman

 in Me Before You

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Würstest Date Movie/Snoozefest
of 2016

Snoozechester By The Snoozefest

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Best Boys On The Side Players

THIS GUY in Love & Friendship

&

THIS GUY who was a Star Wars extra

 and tells his tales in the great Elstree 1976

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Songs That Execute Better Than Norman Mailer Does As Norman Bates

OMG – that La La Land soundtrack

20th Century Women‘s tunes!

‘Sabotage’ in Star Trek (which seemed so wrong in the trailer, but was so right in the movie!)

Keanu‘s love of George Michael

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Toni Toni Toni’s daughter

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Trailers Worth Tractoring

(in endless memory of Robert ‘Tractor’ Traylor)

 

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Poster Her! Poster We! Poster Haste!

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Unintentional Porn To Be Wild Titles

Max Steel /  Pete’s Dragon / Bad Moms / Midnight Special / Everybody Wants Some!! / No Pay, Nudity / The BFG

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Fenella Woolgar
Bestest Names Award

King Baggot

& Rags Ragland

& Chill Wills

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Don’t You Forget About Me/These Forgetmenot Bon Mots

the best movie from some other year I saw this year

Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure is STILL as amazing AS Amazing Larry is + tons of tidbits!!

Annelies van Overbeek

Martin Short’s wedding coordinator character from Father of The Bride – Franck – IS BASED OFF OF A REAL HUMAN BEING!!!

when New York City’s in trouble – who you gonna call? Pat Kiernan!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So Tell Me Again, Why Did You Have To Die? Part VI

seeing Purple Rain for the first time, with an audience that cars

RICHARD SIMMONS (may have) PLAYED A FAT GUY IN FELLINI’S SATYRICON!!!!!!!!

woah – Officer Debbie Callahan (Leslie Easterbrook) from Police Academy sang the National Anthem at Super Bowl XVII!!!

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Movies To Look For In The ‘017

 

Bossk To The Future – A Star Wars Story

Wild Breasts & Where To Find Them

The Detergent Series: PureX

Some Marvel Super Hero Movie
I Could Give 2 Fcuks About

Hacksaw Jim Duggan’s Ridge

Oscar Mike Golf

Bridget Jones’s Farts

Billy Lynn’s Short 20-Second Timeout Walk

16 Fast, 16 Furious

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In Memoriam

&

the man who said…

 

&

the guy that gave us this

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don’t forget to peep out our  ’15, ’14, ’13, ’12, ’11, ’10, ’09, ’08, ’07, ’06, ’05, ’04, ’03, and ’02 awards!! 

how are you still reading this?  and how are you still a fan of this website??  WHO ARE YOU??!??!

until next thyme the balcony is clothed…