It's disheartening to report this, but I may be the sole blogger in the Northern and/or Southern Hemisphere who reserved space on their site for musings about the series finale of The Rebel Billionaire: Branson's Quest for the Best. Not only that, but I bet me, Juwanacurred, and Cousin DJ 'Too Tall' Jones, were the only people to have (love) actually watched every episode. We had to be! I mean, the show was getting shat upon on in the ratings by Gilmore Girls for cryingoutsows. And what vexes me more than Joaquin Phoenix saying 'It vexes me' in Gladiator is that no one (love) actually watched every episode. In this epoch of wretched fantasy TV shows, Rebel Zillionaire stood head & shoulders & pert plus above the rest. Sure there weren't any crazy/beautiful/sexy/cool contestants (cept me would like to take a peep at Jess McCann's cans), buttt it's awesomeness, cleverness, challengingness, and loch and elliott ness made the The Apprentice look as lame and tame as an episode of Shirt Tales. And it also comes right down to the fact that Sir Richard Branson is so much more mad iller yo than Donald Trump. If you had to choose who to sleep with, it would be even less of a contest than choosing Desperate Haaswives over 24. Anywho, major congrats to zany Mormon Shawn (owner of LoveSac & this woman), who not only mcnabbed a cool mil-dough, but 3 months as co-prez of Virgin ashlong side Sir Perfect Hair, and possib-drew-bly the opps to run one of his dumpier subsidiaries... I'm looking in yer di-erection Virgin Cola. Since their won't be a season two, may I heavily re-suggest that the Broccoli family tap Sir Richard to play Bond in the next installment. I guarantee more box office buxomness than Aquaman: The Movie.
On to the stove top stuffings you all really camed (in yer pants) here to read...
BLACK CROWES REUNITE
FOR FIVE NIGHTS
(ONLY?)
The Place: Hammerstein Ballroom
The When: March 22-27, Presale Jan 25, Regular Onsale Feb 5
Who Wit: 3/22 John Butler Trio, 3/23 The Bees, 3/25 The Soundtrack Of Our Lives, 3/26 North Mississippi Allstars, & 3/27 Ben Kweller
What To Do: Act fast cause tix are sure to sell faster than these
babiesz.
Tsunobvs! [hot news and anal leakage via
BillyBoard]
-
Borat Sagdiyev sighted in Salem, VA?
- Sarah Jessica Parker has finally found a project that's more fitting for her tisgusting ogre face:
Shrek 3
-
Beckham Lookalikes To Marry. And you thought our news was wiggty wiggty whack.
- Have you ever remixed or covered 'Army of Me'? Well,
Björk wants em all!
-
Tesla, yes, that five man acoustical jam band who loathed to read signs, are hitting the road. They shitstop in NYC on March Furst @
Irving Platz.
- Not a good time to
be bad in tha ACC.
-
GoldenFiddle.com is NOT dead, but juss back in the shop to be re-stringed. Hurry back now great Fiddler, cause me,
him, and
him, can't keep up the hotness alone.
- Beware of garbage on
4/11.
- You can't truss CBS no mo, so wees gotta turn to people who know what they're talking about, like Norman Chad, aka the Couch Slouch. No one asks the hard hitting questions that hit closer to home than Sir Slouches-a-lot. Take for instance this query he quipped in
his splendid article on bowling & America, '
Bowling is a better life. In fact, given a choice between bowling a 220 game or dating Jennifer Garner, Halle Berry and Lindsay Lohan on consecutive nights, I have six words for you: "What size shoes do you need?' Well, since I'm
an alum of the Lebowski Fest and already have a
231 under my belt, I'm free to hit the town and dem skins anytime me wants. But the rest of you need to strap on yer wrist braces, pour on the talc, and roll yer balls off. [via the great Joe E Steak Tartare]
-
Lindsay Lohan walks thru LA airport in her jammies. Is this what pilots wet dream of? And while we're questioning things,
do androids dream of electric sheep?
Want something a lil LL hottier?
Clit Click
