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FILM @ 11
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Thursday, February 2424 Hour Party People
If you've never been to Europe (unlike me who's been running the joint since '98), you really haven't been to Europe. And playing Risk or Axis and Allies doesn't count. I mean, where else is one going to figure out how great we have it here without trekking outside of it? OK, I wouldn't call visiting the Old Country & Pannekoekenland roughing it, but I wouldn't call it Easy Street either. Did you know that napkins and ice cubes are a luxury over there, the way that hot towels at a restaurant are over here? And consider yerself lucky if you walk out of a restroom (aka loo or water closet) without diaper rash after taking a dump. I would have actually welcomed sand paper instead of the stuff they call toilet paper. And don't even get me started on television programming. Sure, they do have 20+ music video channels and some of the channels are commerish free, but doesn't everyone need a break when they're watching hours of snooker or EastEnders? Sounds like a horrible trip, right? Well, it was the eggzact opposite, cept our mighty dollar got me raped at every ATM. I don't think I had partied this hard since the Harding Administration. Instead of going into play-by-play mode, I'm going to take you there thru the magic of pictures (that are SFW). To hell with my bandwidth!! Maybe I will end up hustling for money in Thompkins Square Park after all!
London, England Great Britain, United Kingdom Fri the 18th - Mon the 21st of Feb JUST LIKE WE DO!  Brits will not hesitate to say 'my word' if you look right instead of left Can it be thighmasterly possible that I've been devoid of this fine eatsiery for almost 7 years?  Open up and say YUM! There aint nothing like throwing down £2.80 in the middle of the day for beer that tastes great and is MORE filling  and don't even think about tipping the bartender! Despite the warnings...  Me and my chum Paul..  continued to make our lungs blacker than Michael Jackson On with the touristy crap...  I think they call it a 'church', but don't ask me, I'm Jewish This is the famed River Thames  His brother's name is Joaquin Thames This former powerhouse station...  ...now houses fine modern art. How mod Trafalgar Square is the eggzact center of Central London  And is now almost close to being rat-with-wings free! Almost, you bastards Piccadilly Circus is not a circus or a pickle or a dilly, yo  It's juss like Times Square where no one speaks English The roads here have no rhyme or reason  And have curves as sweet as Monica Bellucci On with the debauchery... became over a 48-hour period  If only Mike Skinner was here to translate that for us This is what a French person looks like  I hear he prefers Freedom Fries to french fries This is what a typical English fridge contains  Who doesn't love the gas-o one gets from the Old El Paso? My weekend hosts  Leslie (the greatest actress in the world) & Paulos And my new bestest friends*  *who by now have probably forgotten my name Why am I so fat  Or why are they so darn skinny? This is what vomit looks like in a urinal  Men are so cool And when the pubs close at 10:30  You have no choice but to party yer balls off at a club Would you believe that I hung out with both Kate Hudson AND Rhys Ifans?  [Jude Law and the Queen Mum not pictured] What's Happening Now?  Good Times & nuttin but What's next?  Get on the table and we'll point at your crotch! And there's always time to trim the hedges  Especially when yer phil rissottoxed! I think it's time to call it a night  It's 6AM and I think my brain gave up on me hours ago The  And no, I am not a member of the Lampe family Amsterdam Holland/The Netherlands Disneyland For Adults/The Greatest Place On Earth Mon the 21st - Tue the 22nd of Feb  Oy vey, that was a horrible pun Automatisch for the people  I gave myself a Dutch Oven while spoeltting Off to Wagamama's  (which means 'selfish' in Japanese) This is slightly better than my mum's matzoh ball soup  So why again do they not have W'mamas in NYC? This is where kids get vondelled  aka Neverland Ranch This place used to be called Hooters  But I guess they were forced to change the name Time 1nce again to become a culture vulture... for some Dutch Masters  And I aint talkin bout blunts neither Then goghne to Vince's pad for the nth time  Be sure to get the audio tour and listen to how the lady sez 'Arles' And how could one forget one of the world's best modern art museums, Het Stedelijk  Even my finger's shadow is handsome I was too busy to get a hooker  Otherwise, I might have had to think such thoughts The day's winding down What to do, what to do?  Nuff said The next 4 hours were a total blur, but I think I inhaled a lot of things  Which btw, are the world's most orgasmic snack And meet up with our random Dutch fans like Big Daaaaan!!  Who hadn't scarfed a pannenkoeken since he was a tyke! I told him that Holland should revoke his citizenship Ham & Cheese PANCAKE!  Kosher it is not, redonkeylonkylicious it is In any language...  I'm going to die And they sure love their gummies  They even sell Jessicatandyden! If I had any room left in my stomach I would have at least had a slice at  Which is where NYC pizza started, duhvs! Lest we forget, my fine city was once called New Amsterdam And the last pic I took probably looks a lot like what was in my stomach  before I puked my guts out AND sprained my ankle! This is where our story ends. I did forget to mention that I watched Shall We Dance on the plane. It was so crapawfullatta that I would have rather given myself 100 minutes worth of lemon swirlies in the lavatory. And what did we learn? EUROPE friggaderio rocks and I still have one of the most limited vocabularies of any blogger in the jiggasphere. Now all we have to do is figure a...  |
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