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Thursday, January 24

Four-Peat Offenders

4 Months, 3 Weeks and 2 Days
(4 luni, 3 săptămâni şi 2 zile)
Bucharestless
Trailers & Mo


And the worst date movie of 2008 is... 4 Months, 3 Weeks and 2 Days! Why? One word: abortion. Urggggggggh. Always a hot topic worth exploring, but it always makes for the mos uncomfortable night at the cinema. Vera Drake was as cuddly as an abortion flick could get, but after digesting last year's engrossing and gross doc Lake of Fire, we've had about enuff of the subject. Once you've see a real aborted fetus on screen, do you really need to see a fake one? Please don't answer that, but if yer looking to dump or get dumped by your significant other, take em to this and tell it's the mos romaniatic movie ever. And it won't be a total lie since it was made in Romania

Not To Be Confused With: Arrested Development's 3 Years, 5 Months & 2 Days in the Life Of...

John Grisham's Jizzum (aka Verdict): Jeepers Worth A Peepers


Untraceable
Offline
Trailers & Mo


We never saw FeardotCom, but if we put it and the run-of-the-millibyte cyber-crime capper Untraceable to a blind taste test, would anyone notice the difference? Actually, would anyone be willing to even take this test? Hell, if someone was forced to watch both in back to back sittings, we're sure they'd go blind! Not to say that Untraceable is unwatchable, cause it's not, but it's uninspired, unthrilling, and may or may not be sponsored by the un-cola. You know there's something not quite right when the biggest thrill in the movie is cheering on the torture of Colin Hanks

Take 2: BWE came up with a better idear... Unreadable

John Grisham's Jizzum (aka Verdict): Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges


Michael Clayton
Sadly Not About The Tampa Bay Buc
Trailers & Mo


Big bidness, bad practices, and whistling blowing. Apparently that trio is a winning recipe for Academy Award recognition. It's been proven before with the smoothness of Silkwood, the bestness that was The Insider and the boobs of Erin Brockovich (Ellen Burstyn's thumbcredible work in Requiem for a Dream was so hosed that year for the Best Actress statuette). Guess it didn't hurt to give the formula another go, but while Michael Clayton may be well intentioned, it's kinda formulaic to say the least. Sure the acting is top notch, Tommy Wilks has never been better, Tilda Swinton finally gets a meaty role that people will actually see, and George Clooney excels without having to resort to his trademark smirk and head bobbing, but how can a movie try to be relevant if it has nothing new to convey? Don't know the answer, but maybe Shiva, the god of death, does

Buc The Trend: other Tampa Bay Bucs whose names also deserve a movie... BJ Askew (a porn star with multiple personalities), Cato June (a prequel about the Green Hornet's partner and the awesome summer month when he learned to kick ass!), Luke Petitgout (with a name like that, does it even matter what it is about?) and Jeremy Trueblood (a Najavo chief becomes the first Native American IN SPACE!!!)

John Grisham's Jizzum (aka Verdict): Jeepers Worth A Peepers


Taxi To The Dark Side
It's Not Fare
Trailers & Mo


The message is quite clear, but that won't stop filmmakers from saying it again and again: Ever since we started chasing the bad guys in a post 9/11 world, shiz has be beyond awful, and thunderdome. Well if Road To Gitmo or No End In Sight wasn't enuff to boil yer blood 11 times over, then you may want to take a ride with the Taxi To The Dark Side. It's another eye and thigh opening look at the US's shady policies and dirty dealings, this time zeroing in on how we handle supposed terror suspects off our shores, and in a lot of cases, in excruciating detail. Taxi leaves behind director Alex Gibney's flashy stylings that worked so well in his brills Enron doc, and instead goes for a more straight-forward approach. We were a lil disappointed at the lack of flash, but nonetheless, Gibney (who also exec-prod-ed No End In Sight) gets the point across, and that's all that really matters

Rummy Cube: Donald Rumsfeld has built up quite the IMDb resume since 2002. Sure, mos of his screentime is juss recycled archival footage, but besides Billy Mitchell, is there a better villain going in documentaries these days than DR?

John Grisham's Jizzum (aka Verdict): Jeepers Worth A Peepers


Clayton and Taxi are already in theaters, and Untraceable and 4 Months, 3 Weeks and 2 Days will join them tomorrow. Also opening is The Air I Breathe [trailers], which we saw at the Tribeca FF and said... 'We've all seen Crash and therefore we've all already seen The Air I Breathe.'

until next thyme the balcony is clothed...

# Stizzle Stosseled by Thigh Master
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