Thighs Wide Shut

sorta not related: Dildo Saggins pisses in the shower

Lily Allen’s new tunes are, alright, still juss as yumcredible as her old ones

Closing Ring, sure to be the breast movie starring Falkor’s sister [NSFW]

Jessica Rabbit untooned

the ins and outs of In-N-Out’s stoopid secret menu. wonder if we can order secret fries that actually taste good [SS Meals]

guess we can delete Smiley Face from the queue

Playboy centerfolds galore from the 50s, 60s and 70s [NSFW]

beards, the finest in German ingenuity

World War II Aerography on Planes

art

Young Me – Now Me [Data ?]

Democratic dance off

The Visitor
Cause In America They Only Take Visa
Trailers & Mo

Thomas McCarthy may not be known for his acting (although we’re sure you’ve seen him before… he’s Scott Templeton on The Wire and the son searching for the flags of his father), but the dude definitely understands what the craft is all about. As the writer and director of the affecting Station Agent (or as our forgetful mother calls it, The Station Master), he perfectly captured and put on display pure human emotions. Take the character of Finbar for example. It was so well written and portrayed by Peter Dinklage that his career as ‘that surly acting dwarf’ has forever been changed to one where he’s a go-to actor for a role of any size (pun sorta intended?). McCarthy’s follow-up, The Visitor, works the same magic mojo, and this time it’s Richard Jenkins turn to take center stage and break outta ‘that guy’ roles (probably best known as Nate Fisher, Sr)

Jenkins plays widowed professor Walter Vale, who has lost all lust for life. That is of course until he meets two illegal immigrants, Tarek and Zainab (Haaz Sleiman and Danai Jekesai Gurira, also emoting quite well), who have taken up refuge in his barely lived-in Manhattan apartment without his knowledge. At first he wants to send the two packing, but then he changes his mind and allows the two to stay. Good thing for him, cause Tarek teaches Walter how to play drums, which in turn opens up his long dormant heart. A whole movie could have been made of juss drum circles and smiling, but the film doesn’t take the easy way out. Tarek is nabbed by the cops and sent to a detention center for illegal aliens. Walter takes it upon himself to do anything he can for his new friend, but in a post 9/11 world, nothing is easy, especially for an unwelcomed visitor from an Arab nation. McCarthy is surely making a statement about our country, but he avoids hitting us over the head with it. He’s more interested in the simple kindness of people than the complexity of politics, and that’s one of the main reasons why the film is more effective than all those Iraq warish terroristish duds that remind us how awful our country is. Who wants to be riddled with such despair when one can be offered hope?

Netflix Dis: Jenkins is franztastic in anything he’s in, but you mos def should czech out his work in the little seen North Country [TWS review]

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): breast film of the year thus far and thus, BREAST IN SHOW

Smart People
IQute
Trailers & Mo

Overly quirky Juno [TWS review] and Little Miss Sunshine [TWS review] are seen as little engines that could, and actually did. So why is everyone so blind to the fact that those two films tried really darn hard to be special, yet they weren’t really all that special? Yeah, what’s up with you people? Does FoxSearchlight send trucks to your homes filled with cash and force you to worship these movies like they were the greatestist thang since Wild Cherry Pepsi? Anywho, Smart People, another Sundance product that should have had ‘quirky’ written all over it, is a movie that doesn’t really try hard at anything and turns out to be something quite special. OK, the way that self-absorbed bearded widow (yes, another widow!) Dennis Quaid parks his car at an angle for no reason is a bit quirky and his adopted dopey brother Thomas Hayden Church’s mustache may be a tad ironic, but it’s not like they’re driving around in a giant yellow van or talking to horseface on a hamburger phone. Speaking of Juno, Quaid’s smarty jones daughter is played by none other than Ellen Page. It’s a breast of fresh air to hear her speak English and not in Diabloisms. We really didn’t tell you anything about the film, but it comes down to this: if yer a Little Miss Juno freak, you probably won’t think too much of Smart People, but if yer a playa (bill) hater like us, you’ll enjoy these peoples

From The Ark Chives: nothing gives us the willies more than the thought of Ben Foster banging Ellen Page

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Jeepers Worth A Peepers

both flicks open in limited release today, and so does an English language version of Persepolis

until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Thighs Wide Shut turns 4 on Saturday
and to celebrate we’re off for some Amsterdamage

see you when the smoke clears!

eeuauaughhhuauaahh

Someone in this room…

yuck [NSFW]

Спорт

A Complete Savage

more Kids Inc madness

I ♥ Christopher Walken

sliploos?

Ninja Crepes

Tracy Morgan Wasted on Live TV

сисечки [NSFW]

Nancy O’Dell is the first ever MBILF

This is Why Duke Sucks

Tisdale

never forget the original American Gladiators

President Jimmy Carter and the “killer rabbit”

movie spin-offs into crappy video games

Hollywood Walk of Fame Star Generator

Vietnam Duck Hunt

33 Different Ways To Lace Shoes

Sexual Moments in Video Game History

Money Celebrities pictures

Death To Smoochy games

1.21 GIGAWATTS (REDUX)

we discover that Jake Gyllenhaal has encased himself in a bubble to save himself from the Zodiac killer

gawd bless you Mr Vonnegut

Fappin Bay

Прикольные кари&

Pets In Uniform

What’s In A Name Inane?

Goulet’s 16 spots for ESPN

Matthew McConaughey’s screen debut on Unsolved Mysteries

ye olde Cindy Margolis snaps [NSFW]

100 Movies, 100 Quotes, 100 Numbers

een-batin-for.html”target=”_blank”>Pinder finally lets yer ya-yas out

trash art

Thigh Master’s identity revealed!

The Original Human POLE POSITION Performance

Чтобы не мешали [NSFW]

I Want To Ripley The Head Off The Untalented Mr Roto

Sally Mangina

A detailed analysis of…farts

Jeopardy imitates our art

scary vaginas [NSFW]

Wilford Brimley’s Beetix Extravaganza

we took time out for Time Out NY

Doggy Bounce

our ode to shitty beards

he is serious [NSFW]

Bo Ryan’s Face Scares Me Us

My Bironas

things almos as scary as Joakim Noah’s face

WHO THE HELL SHOULD I HIRE?

Wolfman’s Got Nards Turns 20!!!!

Rachael Ray montage of Hmmmmms

Have Fun Storming The Castle!

改造スパルタンXとかをあの人にやらせてみた

Finally…

amazing sculptures made from Oranges

Iron Eyes Cody

Belarusian Movie Posters

Even Better Than The Rhee Thing?

Meatscapes

save the 76 Ball

Don’s Guns

Retro Mall Video: ’80s Mall Arcade Training Tape

Kentucky women

watermelon girl [NSFW]

Let Is Cosby

we promise to bring the pain AND the rain in #5

previously…

Three’s A Crowd… PLEASER!

In Case You Didn’t Feel Like Showing Up

Bring On The Terrible Twos!

bonus pics of Cuthilton holdin hands

long live Jack’s shitty, scruffy looking nerf-herdin’ white-man beard

TV was good to us this past year and in turn we masturbated a lot. Actually we didn’t, but we probably logged the mos amt of hours in front of the tube of boob since the weigh days when Saved By The Bell played after school 4 times in a row. As for the writer’s strike, we actually believed it helped to make better TV. Why may you flask? Cause mos shows run out of steam half way thru a 20+ ep run and the abbreviated seasons forced tighter storylines and mo juicy entertainments. Less is always more, unless wees talkin about our crush… er, um, CRUSH!

So besides the year-round bestness that be PTI, Ebert & Roeper and CBS Sunday Morning here are our top 13 picks that didn’t suck our vaginas (peas note we didn’t watch Mad Men and to this day, haven’t seen one episode of The Wire… but we plan on changing that)

2. The Office – ‘Gift baskets are… the essence of class and fanciness‘

3. Flight of the Conchords – if you haven’t rapped along to ‘Hiphopopotamus vs. Rhymenocerous‘ you truly haven’t lived

4. Lost – we once were bored, but now we’re beard!

5. Kid Nation – kids say the darndest things, and do em as well, and even better than the boring adults that oversaturate the reality genre. don’t know if a second dose of this will be good, but kids doing stuff is second best to monkeys doing stuff

6. Californication – all glorious NSFW breastesiesezes aside, this show was udderly refreshing and NOT Tell Me You Put Me To Sleep

7. Gossip Girl – in 12 short episodes, GG has already replaced The OC as the only true heir to 90210. Chuck Bass kicks glass, as so do these weekly Intel reviews. + who wouldn’t want to toss Blair Waldorf’s salad?

9. Journeyman – we’re still waiting for the ep where Lucius Vorenus travels back to 40ish BC

10. Aliens In America – we picked it to finish last in its class, but this comedy is first class

11. The Tudors – nothing is more gay than Jonathan Rhys Meyers, yet nothing is hotter than watching him bang chicks

12. Dance Revolution – the aim of this Saturday morning show was to get kids off the couch. it didn’t work, for them (it was canceled), but it did for us

13. The (White) Rapper Show – two words: hallelujah hollaback

want a second opinion?
well Thigh Sister and hubby Brickhouse
watch much more crappy TV than thous
and here’s their round-up for the square-down

Favorite Adrenaline Rush
Amazing Race
Dexter
Ultimate Fighter

Favorite Reality Dating Shows
Beauty and the Geek
I Love New York
Pick-Up Artist
Rock of Love with Brett Michaels
Shot of Love with Tila Tequila

Favorite Competitive Reality Shows
America’s Most Smartest Model
America’s Psychic Challenge
Big Brother
Design Star
Project Runway
Top Chef
The (White) Rapper Show

Favorite T&A Shows
The Hills
Keeping up with the Kardashians
Real Housewives of Orange County
Sunset Tan

Favorite Control Freaks
Flipping Out
Janice Dickenson Modeling Agency
Work Out

look out for our anal and annual
breastestestnessness in movies
in the weeks to come!
xo xo