we saw 150ish flicks in the '09
(down from 190ish last year)
and you probably didn't
but we still luvs youes!
The Barely Legal Eighteensies
1)
Hurt Locker - HURTs so good. LOCKERs even gooderer!!!!
2)
Skin - this little seen/known true story got under our SKIN and you should let it do the same to yours!
3)
Das Weisse Band (The White Ribbon) - the kids aint alright, and neither are their parents and neither are you if you pass on this!!
4)
Il Divo - the devil is in the details and the devil is in the detailed
Il Divo. whip it mmm mmm gooooood!
5)
Tetro - Sofia Coppola who?
6)
Avatar - who didn't want to munch on Pandora's box? or punch
Joel Moore in the face?
7)
A Serious Man - '
the finesestest Jewish-oriented (non-Holocaust) film since The Ten Commandments. Eat yer farts out Woody Allen and Neil Simon!'
8)
Fantastic Mr Fox - Wes is more!
Fooba Wooba John!9)
District 9 - fittingly #9 on our list, but
Neill Blomkamp &
Sharlto Copley's names tie for #1!!!
10)
Somers Town - may the
Shane Meadows grazing never end!!
11)
Goodbye Solo - hello humanity!
12)
Capitalism: A Love Story - Fatman returns!
13)
The Road - paths of unglory!
14)
Up - nobody makes a perfect first 1/3rd of a movie, and a whatevs for the other 2/3rds quite like Pixar did does!
15)
Watchmen - don't believe the pre-release hype, but do believe the post-release fact that it matched the graphic novel pourfectly!
16)
The Messenger -
Cheers meets
Six Feet Under... not really!
17)
Not Quite Hollywood: The Wild, Untold Story of Ozploitation! - the women glowed, the men plundered!
18)
Broken Embraces - Almodóvar = film caviar!
Honor Blackmanable Mentions
The Blind Side,
Brothers,
Brüno,
The Cove,
Donkey Punch,
Drag Me To Hell,
GI Joe: Rise of Cobra,
Guest of Cindy Sherman,
In The Loop,
Inglourious Basterds,
Lymelife,
Sugar,
Surveillance,
Two Lovers,
Tyson &
Where The Wild Things Are6thishendith Anal
Thighs Wide
Movie Awards
The Death to Smoochy
Worstest Pictures
of the Year
Antichrist
Pandorum
The Boat That Rocked
Pirate Radio
& Push
The Gus van Sant
Most(ly) Pretentious
Most Overhyped
Guy Flies In Plane
Guy Lands On Ground
Guy Does Nuttin Really
Cept Meets Pilot That Look
Like Sam Elliot
Movie
For No Reason
Up In The Air
The Bare Un-Necessities/
Coulda Been A Contender
Nine
Invictus
Bronson
The Informers
Whatever Works
New York, I Love You
The Invention of Lying
&
4 Fast, 4 Furious
Trailers Worth Tractoring
The Informers, A Serious Man, Tetro, Where The Wild Things Are
A Single Man, 500 Days of Summer, 2012, District 9
& Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans
and the wurst: Spinning Into Butter
Post Her
Post We
Post Haste!
& the wurstest ones
The Inland Empire
Shot On Digital Video
Film That Struck Out
Cause It Looked Like
Udder F$%king Sh@t!!
Public Enemies
Accent That Needed To Be
Axed & Sent Directly To Jail/Hell
Paul Schneider's Scottish 'accent' in Bright Star
runner up down: Matt Damon in Invictus
The Samuel L Jackson
Never Met A Script
He Didn't Like
Guy of The Year
That Guy
aka Michael Berryman
who appeared in 10ish movies
even though the Mac kid had ELEVEN credited roles in the '009
The Nice Try Lao Che Guevaraer
Food, Inc.
for not even remotely changing our minds
about eating yummy yet crappy yet yummy
ghetto meats made in America!
Flamingest Use of
An Angora Sweater
Since Ed Wood
Nicholas Hoult in A Single Man
Jizz Shots
Heard Round The World
That Weren't Caused By Amber
Malin Akerman and her super-curvy NSFW a$$
in Watchmen
Bestest Flix
We Netted
Always Bet On These Lil
Shirley Temple Black
(& White) Children
Chibundu Orukwowu & Chigozie Orukwowu
Edie Martin
Max Records
Bailee Madison
Ryan Simpkins
Ella Ramangwane
Isabelle Fuhrman
Least Bangable Scary Lady
Since The Ancient Booer
the ole hag from Drag Me To Hell
Songs That Execute Butter
Than Norman Mailer's Bong
'Freedom Fighters' in the Star Trek trailer
'Somebody To Love' in A Serious Man [d]
'Heroes & Villains' in Fantastic Fox [d]
'Heartbeats (Rex the Dog Remix)' in Donkey Punch [d]
'All Is Love' in Where The Wild Things Are [d]
anything by Anvil
&
'Ass 2 Ass' with you [empee3] in Skins
(even dough Skins isn't a movie
but we forgot to include that tune
in our TV or Music of 2009 wrap ups)
Unintentional Porn
To Be Wild Titles
April Showers
The Box
Crank 2
Donkey Punch
Eleven Minutes
Everlasting Moments
Five Minutes of Heaven
Gentlemen Broncos
Gigantic
The Girlfriend Experience
The Horse Boy
Humpday
I Can Do Bad
It Might Get Loud
The Lovely Bones
Not Easily Broken
The Princess and The Frog
Push
The September Issue
Spread
Sunshine Cleaning
Tickling Leo
Where The Wild Things Are
Whip It
Yoo Hoo Mrs. Goldberg
Fenella Woolgar
Bestest Names Award
Uzimann
Jon Eyez
Jadagrace
Victoria Stankiewicz
& Poo Poo Productions
9 Things Not Covered
In Nine, 9 or District 9
500 Zooey Deschanels
the first GI Joe tango in Paris
the Uzi spraying at the fake Gugg in The International
the plain jane-ness of Olivia Wilde's writer/director parents
Frank Langella's 3/4ths face making more cents
than the rest of what went on in The Box
the road of The Road
Almodóvar's meet & Magritte
Matt Damon in Eddie Murphy white face
& we'll have whatever Nic Cage was having in Bad Lt
Welcome To The House, Dolls
Naturi Naughton
Notorious
Jaime Winstone
+ the other 2 fit women of Donkey Punch
Tracey Heggins
Medicine For Melancholy
Holly Valance
Taken
Jocelin Donahue
He's Just Not That Into You + The House of The Devil
Julianna Guill
Danielle Panabaker
& Willa Ford
Friday the 13th
李小璐
aka Li Xiao Lu
aka Jacqueline Li
aka Lu Lu
Push
Brooke Nevin
Sherman's Way
Margarita Levieva
Adventureland
Ellary Porterfield
Sugar
Nora Arnezeder
Paris 36 (Faubourg 36)
Gal Gadot
4 Fast 4 Furious
Collette Wolfe
Observe and Report
Nicole Beharie
American Violet
Zoe Saldana
Star Trek & Avatar
Rachel Nichols
Star Trek & GI Joe: Rise of Cobra
Jessica Mas
Rudo y Cursi
Amber Heard
The Informers
Cameron Goodman
The Informers
Kimberley Nixon
Easy Virtue
Carmen Ejogo
Away We Go
Dominique McElligott
Moon
Isabel Lucas
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
Minka Kelly
(500) Days of Summer
Katheryn Winnick
Cold Souls
Léa Seydoux
Inglourious Basterds
Jennifer Merrill
Taking Woodstock
Krista Allen
The Final Destinastion (3-D)
Paula Patton
Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire
Beatrice Rosen
2012
Lily Collins
The Blind Side
Keri Lynn Pratt
A Single Man
Jenna Gavigan
A Single Man
Leonie Benesch
A Single Man
Alden Ehrenreich
Tetro
Sasha Grey
The Gross Experience
&
Alexandre & Philippe Haussmann
2012
Movies To Look
For In The '010
Ben-Hymn
Motel For Frogs
First House On The Right
Landland, starring Jesse Eisenberg
We Hate You I Love You Beth Cooper
The Year of Living Johnny Dangerously
Unnecessary Musical Released In December
Untitled Generic Christmas Movie
The Men Who Stare At Goatees
9 Fast, 9 Furiouslookin for a second opinion?
papa Thigh Master weighs in!
Daddy's Long Legs
& His 13teenies
1. Hurt Locker
2. Avatar
3. Good Hair
4. An Education
5. Okuribito (Departures)
6. Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire
7. Etz Limon (The Lemon Tree)
8. L'heure d'été (Summer Hours)
9. Captain Abu Raed
10. Goodbye Solo
11. Adam
12. Away We Go
13. Everybody's Finedon't forget to peep out our
'08,
'07,
'06,
'05,
'04,
'03, and
'02 awards!!
until next thyme the balcony is clothed...
