07. May, 2007 
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20. Mar, 2007 0 Comments
Is there a difference between Tracy Morgan & Tracy Jordan?
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remembering Nintendo Power mag’s debut… dude, Rygar was robbed in the player’s poll!!
Norman Chad’s describes a typical Pete Rose day… it takes one gambler to know another, and remember kids, you gots to know when to hold them, know when to fold themm, know when to walk away and yes, know when to run
Angela & Pam, off-screen BFFs… who doesn’t love when women touch bras and panties AND things?!
The 50 Greatest Local TV Commercials (That I Could Find on YouTube)… I know tits bona fide cause look what came in at #50!
Eat at Azamat’s… is it any good? and does one have to watch out for hairs in their sangwiches?
Top 10 Other Things that Han Shot that Didn’t Shoot at Him First & The Greedo Assassination Conspiracy Page… wonder if Greedo shot JR and Agt Cooper? And wonder which one of yous is gonna buy me this HOTT arsed shirt?
Nice (Wine) Rack!… that’s what I said!
yes, spanks for not askin, but we still do love our current Royal Thighness, Ms Watling…
08. Mar, 2007 0 Comments
Thighs Wide Herstory
March 17-20 – we hit up the Emerald Isle, and it hits back!
March 27 – Borat movie gets a release date. We say, ‘Here’s hoping everyone’s flavorite Kazakhstani flushes away the (in)competition‘. Who knew that it actually would?
March 30 – Alabama Leprechaun fever hits an all time high!
April 20 – we make our first of 3712873712 Lily Allen mentions. And yes, we still claim that we invented her US career dammint! And yes, wer still want to make love to her myspace background! Four days later, we’re offically in love her music and everything chav!
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April 21 – I get to inderectly ask Sasha Cohen a question
April 26 – We meet Kurt Vonnegut, celebrate with non-related mp3
May 3 – Gawker unintentionally rips and pisses us off
May 5 – Peabs returns from his self-imposed exile to give us his indepth take on his Coachella trip, which includes some ye olde fisting of Cesar Chavez with a buckle full of table grapes and a head full of bad memories. Obvs.
May 7 – the Thinker returns from his self-imposed exile to report on the disaster that was the Public Enemy & Ice-T concert
May 22 – we go batty and post, not only a ton o links, but a ton o vids and mp3s from our formative years
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June 1 – The Fap Five revolution is born
June 7 – Brooklyn Vegan, behind the Beard & Mustache Championship website, is outted as our mos flavorite website
June 12 – Gorrila Mask frynally gives some Thigh love (see Problem Child)
June 15 – our love of Radiohead ends
June 19 – The Gum & Grambo get EW props, Grambs give props to us, yet our Thighs are too sweaty for print
June 21 – blogging indirectly reunites me with the girl/thighness who’s more adorablerer than early 90s Winona Ryder, and on the same day, Portugal beats Mexico in the World Cup, deciding once and for all, who is the greatestist country in the world, and we return from Aruba, without Natalee
July 2 – we break our long silence on Lohag
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July 10 – on – Zidane’s headbutt aninated gif madness begins and never truly ends
July 19 – Pat O’Brien’s honeybunch Betsy, as in ‘Betsy’s so jealous’, has a blog and we open it up to the world… and it closes shop 12 days later
July 25 – we see right thru the lameness that is Little Miss Sunshine, the rest of America choozses not to listen. On the same day, Fleshbot gives us some mornin wood!
July 31 – Mel Gibson is a big idjiot day!
August 1 – After our lackluster visit to the Football HOF in Canton, we decide to rank all the HOFs we’ve been to
August 4 – 6 – we (sorta) hit up Lollapalooza
August 10 – Although Royal Thighnesship interest is at an all time low, we hint at who’s next in line
August 14 – we return to the birthplace of the corn pic
August 21 – yes, we are 400% gay for Chris Isaak
August 23 – our head and our penis’ head almost explode taking in The Quiet, which stars both Cuthbest and Camilla Bellebest
August 24 – fittingly, our mos flavorite TV show of balls thyme, Twin Peaks, becomes the subject of our very first themed fap Thursday
September 8 – football season finally arrives and we correctly predict that the Colts would win the Super Bowl. Take that Dr Z!
September 20 – we hit 3 mil in visitors
September 26 – Aaron Sorkin’s new show blows, and don’t we know it!
October 10 – Lily Allen and the Thigh Master, in one room!
October 16 – the weight is frynally over as we post the The Most/Best – Ghetto/Ass – crazy/beautiful – Local Commercial Ever up on YouTube
October 20 – 22 – Bloomington, IN’s fart intake goes up by 373782397%
November 1 – Ozzie Smith is named our mos flavorite St Lunatic of balls thyme
November 13 – praise Jeebus as Joe Gibbs benches Mark Brunell!!!!
November 14 – 17 – the biggest Don onSlaught on Bond Girls mt EVERest
November 30 – Cuthbest turns 24
December 12 – Wii rules the day
December 15 – our female mascot fetish attracts the attention of Deadspin
December 20 – Underdog movie news prompts us to use toon versh for our background pic, which sadly forked up our system and every post prior to it is now stuck with said bckgnd image
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December 28 – Fiery F-er, Matthew Friedberger tops our ’06 music thingamajig!
December 28 – we finally interviews someone! And not juss someone, but LILY FORKIN ALLEN!!
January 3 – In Oder Aus for the ‘007 drops. In all honesty, this is one of our mos flavorite things to drop besides deuces!!
January 14 – Chargers die, Andy Rooney doesn’t
January 22 – Lynch, what the f%ck was that?
January 25 – Falkor’s little sister turns 21
January 31 – The Devil & Daniel Johnston is our #1 pick for breastest flick of the ‘006 + many other goodies!
February 9 – in one of the mos quietestest dethrownings, we bid adieu to year-shlong reign of Camilla Belle and hola to Her Royal Thighness The VIII, Leonor Ceballos Watling
February 26 – we hit 4 million visitors AND we get to touch a dildo! but not at the same time
March 2 – 4 – my a$$ re-enters the state of Indiana. Sadly for everyone else, so do my farts
March 8 – Thighs Wide Shut turns 3 and you don’t
Oh Snap…ples!!
Atari Lynx
10 Top Wurstest SNL Cast Memebers
Adam Morrison’s Five Stages of Grief
where I’ll be buried: Dublin, OH’s Field of Corn
The Religious Affiliation of Comic Book Characters
Batman TV series onomatopoeia shaz
Double team Shavlik Randolph and Louis Williams
Anne Sellors only TV role ever is…
Colin Farrell hearts a good JO/BJ
Grading the Career of Tom Hanks’s Hair
Pot Tarts, Toka-Cola, Munchy Ways, etc
Judah Friedlander’s microwave for sale
helpmegetrandomwithladysovereign.com
the only Mario Bros animated gif u ever need to see
There Is A Coffin Waiting For Jerry Lewis
Michael Douglas, human Muppetttt
Fantazy Land, Alexandria, Egypt
Megan Fox Gives Brian Austin Green a Hand… Job
Pictures You Can’t Take Anymore
Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru – Special Edition
largest pizza taco you’d ever want to eat
richkotitebangedyourmom.blogspot.com
Jek Porkins And Ponda Baba: Haunted House Candy Hunt!
A BANNER Year
Give me HEAD… LINES!!
On the menu today: horse penis and testicles with a chilli dip
Passengers Bravely Take Down Plane Showing Big Momma’s House 2
And bloGOD said let there be Lily Allen
Don Knotts, Richard Pryor Team Up For Madcap Haunting
70,000 Beer Cans Found in Ogden Townhouse
James Stewart ‘forced To Bed Hookers’
A Man Should Look Out After His Family & Tagged
Overjoyed Saints Fans Tear Roof Off Reopened Superdome
Detroit man in erotic pursuit of mannequins arrested, again
Rumsfeld Leaves Most Recent Job Off Resumé
NSFW
either one wouldn’t be WTFworthy, but together?
Encyclopedia of Lesbian Movie Scenes
Ladies In Weighting
Video Daily Doubles
[more]
Michael Larson, Whammy’s #1 enemy
Dazzling Dunks and Basketball Bloopers: The Basketball Olympics
The Wonderful World of 80s Commercials
Jarvis w/ Ali G’s ‘Help the Muthafuckin Aged’ vid
Gene Hackman loves fall out shelters
Game Six of the 1986 World Series with Nintendo RBI Baseball
Village People’s ‘Sex Over The Phone’ vid
Re-Enactment: Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
‘Stop The Madness’, anti-drug music video
Paul McCartney making mashed potatoes
9 months of gestation in 20 seconds
Mr Rogers meets Mr Donkey Kong
Sean And Mackenzie Astin on I’m Telling
Corey Haim – Me, Myself, and I
I Remember Jew
the kid from Charles In Charge AND Arsenio
The Encyclopedia Britannica Boy and his NSFW other half
Danuel Pipoly (Piggy from Lord of the Flies)
Sound Off
‘Da Gold (Where It At?)’ [d]
‘I’m The Storyteller’ song [d]
Damon Albarnpalooza [many Ds]
EG Dailey’s ‘Mind Over Matter’ [d] from Summer School
Jolene’ by Olivia Newton John & Apollo Zero [d]
‘Everybody’s Talkin’ b
y Leonard Nimoy [d]
Martika’s ‘Toy Soldiers’ [d]
Orson Welles’ hates frozen peas
the Armand Van Helden remix of the Moby/Debbie Harry jammy jam ‘New York, New York’ [d]
‘(My Name Is Mahir) I Kiss You’ [d]
Hall of Fap
PEACE THE FORK OUT
Peter David Tomarken
Maureen Stapleton
Louis Rukeyser
TV’s Invasion
Paul Xavier Gleason
Billy Preston
György Ligeti
Aaron F. Spelling
Ken Lay
Red Buttons
Lost Boys Granpa
Roger Keith ‘Syd’ Barrett
Frank ‘Mickey’ Morrison Spillane
Guy Haines’ sluty wife Miriam
Jack Warden
Bruno Giovanni Quidaciolu Kirby, Jr
the Planetary Status of Pluto
Gwyllyn ‘Glenn’ Samuel Newton Ford
Stephen Robert ‘Steve’ Irwin
Nelson de la Rosa
Red Auerbach
Edward R Bradley Jr
Volodymyr ‘Walter Jack Palance’ Palahniuk
Robert Bernard Altman
Peter Boyle, Jr
misc many
James Joseph Brown, Jr.
The OC
Arthur Buchwald & Dennis Gerrard Stephen Doherty & Scott Charles Bam Bam Bigelow
Anna Nicole Smith
DJ
The Effin Man Who Gave Us The Wireless TV REMOTE CONTROL & Chief Illiniwek
Ernest Gallo AND Capt’n America
Stick Me In The Punitentiary
09. Feb, 2007 0 Comments
Unconscious (Inconscientes)
A Waking Wife
Trailer
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Unconscious is hands AND thighs down the finestest Spanish sex farce period piece comedy that will be released in theaters in 2007 (good luck to whichever is the second movie to fit that bill this year!). This film was released in it’s native country two years ago, and made the usual rounds on the festival circuit the following year, and is just now reaching our shores. Why the delay? I haven’t the slightest idea, but this mos delightful and delicious film about Freud, sexual taboos, and sweating your sister/brother-in-law will remind you that there are other talented filmmakers working in Spain that don’t happen to be named Almodóvar. JoaquÃn Oristrell is that director not named Almodóvar and he takes us on a non-stop rollercoaster ride of fun and funny as our two star crossed lovers-in-laws, the facial hair dynamo Luis Tosar (the drug king pin from Miami Vice) and IMO, the mos beautiful non-English speaking woman in the world Leonor Watling (one of the coma chicks in Almodóvar’s Talk To Her), examine sexual norms and abby normals as they try find Watling’s missing husband. Think Sex and The City, cept the city isn’t NYC, the women aren’t that annoying, and it doesn’t star a horse/genius
Unsatisfied with this?: Netflix our 11th mos flav pic from the ’06 Only Human [Trailer|TWS review] which was written and directed by the same husband-wife team that wrote Unconscious
Possible Porno Name: OnCuntLips
Apt MPupil3: the Beatles take on ‘Bésame Mucho‘ [d]
John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Jeepers Worth A Peepers + an extra Jeeper!
before we go, we long over dooley bid a doo-doo to the our longest reigning Royal Thighness (crowned a year ago today!) Camilla Belle Routh, as we say hola to our neuva pequeño amigo, whom we hinted Royal status at 1/2 a year ago, but have been once bitten forever smitten with for ages…
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until next thyme the balcony is clothed…
05. Jan, 2007 0 Comments
Volver
Return of the Mack Padre
Trailer
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When Pedro Almodóvar releases a movie people go and see it. For those who don’t cause you hate Spain or the language you were forced to take for 7+ years of yer academic life, you should follow suit. Why? Cause like the taste of McDonald’s fries, you’re about 90% sure of being satisfied to the bone. Sure, they sometimes come out soggy, but you’d still eat em anywayz. Volver, while not as adventurous as La Mala Educación or as coma-tastic as Hable Con Ella, is still a splendid piece o work and a mos s’wonderful addition to Almodóvar’s cannon of chick flicks for this early bit of the 21st century. Every Volver review that one reads gabs on and on like Gabbo about how this is a giant return to form for its star Penélope Cruz. Yeah, no shit, cause listening to her speak English is like listening to me taking a dump after plowing thru the entire Fresh-Mex menu at Chevy’s. And while each of those reviews are busy creating needless Oscar buzz, they fail to point out the mos important bazzle of Cruz’ volve to her native tongue: since you don’t have to pay attention to what’s coming outta Cruz’ piehole you are free to spend the entire pic faping to her redonkey-donk yammy-yams or rehippopotamus-hipp tuchy-tuchus or her regiraffe-gira necky-neck (damn that thing is long!)
Unsatisfied with this?: Netflix Son De Mar [trailer] featuring the NSFWness of one of Pedro’s bizatches and my mos flavorite Western Europeaners, Leonor Watling
Possible Porno Name: Vulva
Apt MPupil3: the title track that Cruz lip syncs and clap syncs to, ‘Volver‘ [d] by Estrella Morente
I Licked Yer Mum’s Pechos On Yer Dad’s Techo: mi mos favorite Spanish verbs es molestar y chupar, as in como para chuparse los dedos = it’s finger licking good!
John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): like a majority of cine del Almodóvar, Pecho En La Demostración/Breast In Show
until next thyme, which will be sooner rather than later cause my arse has gotta lotta seein and reviewin to do, the balcony is clothed…
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mo quick hitz! The Lighthouse Bless you Robert Eggers. You know how to strike a mood, and give us the heebie jeebies. In making a movie about two Lighthouse keepers not keeping sane, you drove us insane, and made quite the pretty picture in the process. It felt like watching a full-length, b&w version […]
caught up on a lot of movies. no time to devote full diatribes – so quick hitz! Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker Skywalker works because it wasn’t The Last Jedi. You really screwed the pooch Rian Johnson. Can’t blame J.J. for trying to right/write the ship when he was handed a mess and […]
Uncut Gems Sterling, Sharp Official Site | Trailers & Mo R | 134 min This isn’t one of those Adam Sandler movies where he gets hit in the balls for laughs. It’s the kind where he gets his balls stomped on. YOU GO SANDLER!!! YOU GO GET YOUR BALLS STOMPED ON!!! Why don’t you go […]
The Irishman Unionfellas Official Site | Trailers & Mo R | 210 min There is MUCH to praise about Marty’s latest grand spicy meatball (unbelievable sets and costumes! DeNiro is best when he is quiet! Pacino is even bester when he’s loud! And dancing with women!!  Tommy The Tit IS the tits!! Lums!!! that’s what […]
Last Christmas Wham! Bam! Mostly No Thank You Ma’am? Official Site | Trailers & Mo PG-13 | 103 min For 18/19ths of this movie (which I brought an infant in a stroller to!!! BEST DAD EVER), I was like, this is worse than a Hallmark Christmas movie!!!! THERE’S NOT EVEN A SINGLE GAZEBO IN THIS […]
Star Wars is stagnant, but there is a new hope, if only they went down a path that looked more like this… Kalinka Fox
Brazilian models pose during the IZOD IndyCar World Championship Sao Paulo Indy 300 race, April 29, 2012
104 years was not nearly enough Olivia de Havilland for this world. we needed 208. miss you tons Olivia de Havilland. miss saying your name knowing that you were still with us. we will always and forever say your name, and in that way, you will always and forever be with us Olivia de Havilland […]
Being a father has given me so much. Although for the first few years of this incredible duty and journey, it robbed me of my once great passion of seeing movies. Alas, I pushed movie-going on my daughter about as early as I could, and now she’s beyond game to go, although we’re not quite […]
thighs wide is SIXTEEN years shut!!!!! (turned sweet 16 on March 8th!) I just don’t know how to quit me. do you? (note – each picture below is clickable and will take you to its own magical place) Daphne Zucchini Bread Do Believe The Hyphen Steve Carlton Fisk Orange Crushed You’ve Reached the Office of […]
we named the breastest movies of the beastest of the 2019 and now, for the only awards that matter… SEXtenth Anal Thighs Wide Movie Awards aka THE THIGHSMANS!!! _ Greatest Righting of A Wrong In A Movie Franchise EVER in The Rise of Skywalker when they like, hey Rose, want to join us on this […]
Seven 2019 Films That Were More Pitch Perfect Than Jerry Blevins! 1) Midsommar Something wicker man this way comes!!! 2) Ad Astra it space races your heart! 3) Joker apparently never posted a review here, but this will have to do the @jokermovie is easily the best Batman related movie ever made. come for the […]
there is nothing I look forward to more than compiling our annual goodbye to last year’s trends and hello to this year’s puns. The Washington Post is more professional at this sorta thing, but maybe you’re not into the whole brevity thing… OUT IN Adam Gase’s Gaze – Adam Driver, Driver – TikTok – […]
